Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

[Mortifiable]

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

@Mortifiable Thank you. Yes, I got bombed into oblivion on all fronts and got trapped until several months ago. I was young and didn't understand, do now though, won't fall for that again.

Anyway, you'll be alright, don't fret about what you sent. Ghosting sucks but there will be others and you'll eventually move past it. Moment in time n all that.

Remember OP, a lot of men are very good at saying exactly what they know you'll want to hear. Don't go on words, go on actions - and even then take it slowly. There are a lot of duds out there.

@diefledermaus no, that isn't what happened at all. The nude pics were sent when we were messaging each other. I didn't send a nude pic yesterday. We were speaking till mid-August. I was waiting for him to get back to me as he'd cancelled our weekend away at the last minute and hadn't heard from him for ages so just sent him a text saying how's it going, kind of thing. I'd messaged in September but he hadn't opened the message so this was a last-ditch attempt at making contact. I agree that if I had sent him a nude yesterday it would have been really weird.

Yeah I can see that now 🙁 I'd ask are you seeing anyone else and he would be like "no, just you babe". Or when he was trying to get the nude photos in the first place it would be "well I trust you, why don't you trust me?"

Except it didn’t happen like that. Go back and read the OP.

I despair. We are meant to teach our kids not to send things to others they dont want anyone else to see/ be passed to others etc.

Then we have grown arsed women doing exactly that and then whinging about the bloke.

Fgs, grow up @Mortifiable and all the rest of you saying "you have done nothing wrong" blah blah blah. It is pathetic. Why do people do this? Raise you bar, PLEASE!

Any advice? Be pleased that you felt confident enough about yourself to send the pics in the first place, and don't do it again.

Uhhhh you've obviously not been on the receiving end of some guy nagging for pictures of being manipulative. Stop judging.

That's a nice way to look at it actually 😊

Uhhhh you've obviously not been on the receiving end of some guy nagging for pictures of being manipulative. Stop judging.

Doesn't mean you have to send him nude pics for months when he's obviously a waste of space

OP sent nudes during the time that they were in regular contact.

This guy was a shit to pressure her in the first place, but they were having a long distance thing, exchanging nudes is really not uncommon.

You gave him a gift, made yourself vulnerable and he nuked it. You are not stupid and it’s totally understandable that you’re feeling hurt.

You’re human and we make decisions in the moment based on the information we have. And you trusted him.

be gentle with yourself. It’s understandable that you’re ruminating when you’ve been given no explanation for his behaviour. That’s on him, it’s rude and unkind to treat you that way.

I hope, with time, you’ll feel better. I bet you will.

I mean I can see how could happen especially early on if it's all new, exciting and that person is showing interest in you, pushing for it. In hindsight you now see but at the time, depending on circumstances things can get blurred, people can be messed around without realizing.

Agree with PP it may not have been wise but on the other hand it's good you had the confidence to do that so don't let this one experience knock your confidence.

Was it obvious though?

Thank you for your kind response! It is really hard getting the balance of making yourself vulnerable / not too vulnerable. You have to make yourself a bit vulnerable in any relationship.

That's the issue, he wasn't being overtly horrible to me, if he had been then I wouldn't have sent him the pictures! In hindsight he was pressuring me way more than he should have been to send them. But at the time I thought that our set up / situationship / whatever it was was quite nice and it was the kind of thing I was looking for. I am interested in having a fwb set-up, not an actual relationship so messaging every day and meeting up every few weeks is what suited me

I have sent you a pm op

Best result is that he's met someone else and has blocked because he doesn't want to have to explain you to the new person. Messages deleted and all well.

I know it's hard not to think the worst, but worrying doesn't change anything. Hope you feel better about it soon and sorry it happened to you.

Assuming he was into that arrangement too, seems a bit odd to pressure that much just to turn around and do that. Weird. Unless he's just a bellend I guess.

This. It's baffling when someone has been as keen as this guy was to set up a mutually agreeable FWB, get exactly what he wanted then just fuck off without a backward glance.

It's rude at best, cruel & cowardly at worst.

It probably means one of two things:

• he's been found out
• he's an complete douchebag

@kittyfayne Yeah, makes no sense. I haven't done that setup myself but I would assume that people do maybe send each other stuff so I can kinda see why OP did. If I did I wouldn't pressure to to get pictures then piss off, surely you'd kinda be interested in more...considering that's what you set out to do.

Although, not actually being single makes more sense to me as a reason, being caught out if that's what you meant.

But they did meet up! They don’t live near each other.

The sequence of events :

• connect on Tinder
• exchange chatty messages
• Exchange nides
• meet
• exchange more chat and nudes
• meet again
• repeat

Op had got to the “meet again” stage when this was cancelled. The excuse was ill mother, which might have been true, or perhaps the guy met someone local in the meantime and was too much of a twat to break it off properly with op.

This is all possible without the guy being a cheat on an existing girlfriend

@PansyPolly True. Who knows, maybe just a case of he took the arsehole route rather than breaking it off.

it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice.

He really seemed nice,

This makes me feel so out of touch. Is it really common for nude photos and videos which are obviously wank fodder to be exchanged by people who hardly know each other? It doesn't sound nice or respectful at all to me...

Was it obvious though?

Ok then... why send nude pics to someone you've met once who is pressuring you