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Original poster

Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

159 replies

Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 01:17

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 14/11/2023 11:47

Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 09:37

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor i feel like such a tit because i asked him "are you married?" early on. And for some reason i felt really reassured when he sent me a photo of his hand with no wedding ring on his finger 😒🙄🥴

My husband and I have been happily married for 34 yrs , neither of us wear a wedding ring - I get severe contact dermatitis and he just doesn’t like jewellery - no wedding ring means nothing . I’m sorry you’ve been taken in by this man but just use it as a lesson moving forward and don’t send pics / videos to anybody in future .

Flickersy · 14/11/2023 11:56

HereLies · 14/11/2023 11:22

@Flickersy so what if she doesn't feel better? It's more important and useful to learn the red flags than say nice things and minimise what happened.

It's not helpful to make shit up on the basis of nothing.

Maybe he was married. Maybe he wasn't. I don't know. None of us, including the OP, know. But sitting there confidently proclaiming about his wife or girlfriend when you have no evidence for that isn't going to help the OP is it.

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 12:03

CitizenofMoronia · 14/11/2023 10:13

He worked funny hours always finishing at about 11pm then we would message after his work
Classic married and messaging after wife is in bed,

He suggested meeting and booked a hotel half way between where we live (he is about 4 hours from me). Then early hours he said he'd gone to the hospital for his mum

His wife was expecting and not meeting his needs in the last 4 months of pregnancy, goes into labour unexpectedly in the early hours.

His wife is now home on maternity with the baby and he cant sneak off having sexy time with random people on the interweb,

Show quote history

I really hope that this isn't the case!!!! But I guess it could be 😰

OP posts:
SophieIsHereToday · 14/11/2023 12:06

Lavender14 · 14/11/2023 01:42

Again I think it's good that your face wasn't in them. Do you have any means of contact with him? If so could you message and ask him to confirm he's deleted photos/ videos without circulating them as you don't want them out there? Then I'd screenshot that and if god forbid they do end up somewhere you've written evidence that was done by him without your consent. But hopefully if you got a decent vibe from him he won't do that. It could be anything really, he could have been dating other people around the same time and has decided to get serious with someone, he could have decided for his own reasons that he needs to be alone for a while, doesn't necessarily have any reflection on you at all. He should have had the decency to let you know but ghosting is the easy way out now isn't it. It's a lesson learned about the photos/ videos as you say but ultimately you've nothing to be ashamed of.

Say that if he does share them then it will cause you distress and you will assume he did it to intentionally cause you distress as he now knows this. There have been cases where if they didn't mean to hurt you, then it's not prosecutable. Screenshot this, so it's very clear. Maybe even send him a link like the below to show is an offence for which he can serve time

In Scotland, revenge porn is illegal.

Here's some advice

www.stephensons.co.uk/site/blog/criminal-justice-blog/what-is-the-law-on-revenge-porn

If your intimate photos or videos are shared without your consent

What to do if intimate photos or videos are shared without your consent and how to go about having them removed.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/law-and-courts/society-s/privacy-and-media-s/if-your-intimate-photos-or-videos-are-shared-without-your-consent

GiveOverRover · 14/11/2023 12:10

Unless he knows your friends and family and colleagues, then his options (and motive) for "revenge" are pretty limited with some headless images.

There's that much content out there with a face, that your headless bits and bobs are not of any real value if shared past him to the internet at large, and only anyone who knew you very well would know it was you.

Don't panic.

MintGreenPolo · 14/11/2023 12:10

Can’t believe you sent nudes to a person you met once 🫣

MrsPinkL · 14/11/2023 12:19

He worked funny hours always finishing at about 11pm then we would message after his work
Classic married and messaging after wife is in bed,

He suggested meeting and booked a hotel half way between where we live (he is about 4 hours from me). Then early hours he said he'd gone to the hospital for his mum
His wife was expecting and not meeting his needs in the last 4 months of pregnancy, goes into labour unexpectedly in the early hours.
His wife is now home on maternity with the baby and he cant sneak off having sexy time with random people on the interweb,

Good god some of you are really falling over yourself to say he was married. You’re not helping the OP, she was the one stalking him on other dating site, texting him on what’s app asking why he ghosted/ she missed him ( a man she met once ) He had to block OP ffs.

In the real world a lot people do not work 9-5. Emergency services, bus driver, working late shift in Shop ( when I had my youngest I use to do 17-22:00 for M&S ), bar work and that is just to name a few.

As for him wanting to meet half way ( they live 4 hours apart) meaning his married have a day off. Most people online dating would suggest a half way meet if that was the distance well certainly when I online dated. Nobody is driving 4 hours for a first meet, half way so respectful to both people’s time.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 14/11/2023 12:22

All this pearl clutching about sending pictures is hilarious. I’ve never done it as I’ve been married since well before mobile phones were a thing, but I can imagine that when you’re lonely and on your own in the house every night, it’s just a bit of fun.

MintGreenPolo · 14/11/2023 12:26

With someone you met once 🤣 no one cares about sending nudes, it’s the met ONCE bit

BlinkinKnackered · 14/11/2023 12:34

I do feel for you. I'm 25 and online dating is shit. I've spoken to a few guys who act interested in the beginning and then after a while, hit me with the "we'll sort something soon". Usually thats a big indicator that they aren't interested as its not a definitive answer. They just say it to either get your hopes up and keep stringing you along or because they're too cowardly to say they aren't interested. This is usually followed up with cancelling on you when plans are made or ghosting. If someone is interested in you, they will show a sense of excitement and haste in making arrangements to see you.

PansyPolly · 14/11/2023 12:44

He might have been married, IMO it is more likely that he met someone who lived closer shortly after the mother being ill incident, and was too much of a coward to drop you a note.

It's pretty unlikely he will do anything with the nudes, other than keep that for an occasional, err, prompt.

Try not to borrow tomorrow's problems today.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 14/11/2023 12:45

PansyPolly · 14/11/2023 12:44

He might have been married, IMO it is more likely that he met someone who lived closer shortly after the mother being ill incident, and was too much of a coward to drop you a note.

It's pretty unlikely he will do anything with the nudes, other than keep that for an occasional, err, prompt.

Try not to borrow tomorrow's problems today.

It’s more likely he met someone else in the two week period after his mother was ill in which the Op blocked (and basically ghosted) him imo.

He just didn’t bother with her when she unblocked him.

PansyPolly · 14/11/2023 12:48

Possibly. Not very relevant which, though.

Hollip · 14/11/2023 12:54

Online dating - I think it’s best not to put any time into it until you have met. A handful of texts then meet in a public place. If not you are potentially wasting your time on a stinky loser with poor conversation skills and a 10 year out of date picture who wears trousers 15 cm too short and slurps up pasta without cutlery.

It’s just a waste of time and you may get ‘attached’ to him.

StephanieLampshade · 14/11/2023 12:55

It sounds like it fizzled out in the summer due to a lack of interest on his part.

By blocking him for two weeks, you'll never know if he did try to communicate with you in that period.

You've now got in touch much later and he has moved on.

My friend with 2DC has begun a relationship with a man 4.5 hours away

When you both want a real relationship then something like that can be got around. They see each other every 10 days.

Probably you overestimated what it meant to him and underestimated how your feelings were developing

You haven't done anything foolish but you maybe need to admit that you would like a real relationship

Margaritanosalt · 14/11/2023 12:58

So you sent unsolicited nudes? If you were a man you’d be ripped apart. It was a foolish thing to do especially since you have heard from him for a while. Very weird behaviour

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 14/11/2023 13:10

I really don’t see how he did the ghosting when you randomly blocked him first.

Not bothering to get back in touch when you unblocked him and got back in touch is absolutely not the same as him requesting nudes then shouting.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 14/11/2023 13:11

Margaritanosalt · 14/11/2023 12:58

So you sent unsolicited nudes? If you were a man you’d be ripped apart. It was a foolish thing to do especially since you have heard from him for a while. Very weird behaviour

Where did she say they were unsolicited? It’s not like dropping a dick pic as a first-conversation opener.

Margaritanosalt · 14/11/2023 13:14

@FlatWhiteExtraHot she said their last communication was about sorting another meeting soon and that it was back in July or august. She then blocked him, unblocked him and then sent him the pics despite not hearing from him since they last spoke. Sounds unsolicited to me. Her being a woman doesn’t mean it’s not creepy

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 13:16

I think he lived on his own, the selfies he sent me looked like they were taken in a single man's home. I guess he could've been in the spare room or something but it was like a bed, Xbox, TV, there didn't seem to be anything belonging to a woman there. Just his belongings. Maybe he has got a girlfriend who's moved in with him now! I guess it's academic at this stage anyway but my hunch is that now he's got photos and videos of me, he's moved onto someone else 😕

OP posts:
CormorantStrikesBack · 14/11/2023 13:19

You also blocked him for two weeks and then unblocked him. I don’t mean to sound preachy but it seems a teenage thing to do. If someone was blocking snd unblocking me I’d drop them /ghost them. Seems like too much drama for an adult to bother with. So maybe he’s sat at home chuntering about you blocking him/playing games/messing him about.

Mouse82 · 14/11/2023 13:32

I blocked him for a fortnight then unblocked him. Didn't hear from him from him after 14th Aug when he said about sorting out something soon.

Sorry, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 14/11/2023 13:34

Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 13:16

I think he lived on his own, the selfies he sent me looked like they were taken in a single man's home. I guess he could've been in the spare room or something but it was like a bed, Xbox, TV, there didn't seem to be anything belonging to a woman there. Just his belongings. Maybe he has got a girlfriend who's moved in with him now! I guess it's academic at this stage anyway but my hunch is that now he's got photos and videos of me, he's moved onto someone else 😕

He very likely moved on when you blocked him.

He didn’t ghost you. You blocked and ghosted him.

He just didn’t re-engage when you decided to get back in touch with him. That’s not remotely the same as him ghosting you.

Petallove · 14/11/2023 13:35

I think the only thing you can do is learn from it. Remember how you feel now if a guy asks for photos. Personally I wouldn’t do it. Try and find someone nearer to home so distance isn’t such an issue. I don’t engage with sex talk tbh as from experience they are only after one thing. There is decent ones out there just put rules in place and stick to them.

MyopicBunny · 14/11/2023 13:38

I doubt this man was single.

Unfortunately, I had a similar thing happen to me. A male friend and I ended up having sex a few times. I sent him some nudes at one point. Then he fell out with me, which he frequently did, but I never knew why - he'd just block me out of the blue.

I asked him to delete the pictures and he said 'no way, you expect me to delete those pictures? As if'. I have no idea what he's done with them but he's a dodgy person. I have to just put it out of my mind.