Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

[Mortifiable]

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor i feel like such a tit because i asked him "are you married?" early on. And for some reason i felt really reassured when he sent me a photo of his hand with no wedding ring on his finger 😒🙄🥴

I don't want to stick the boot in but by your own account he said his mum was in hospital, then you said you thought you'd been ghosted, then he said no shit week. Then he went quiet and then you blocked him for 2 weeks. I would end a relationship with someone who blocked me for not replying fast enough when my mum was very sick. So it might just be that, and not that he was never into it.

Try and see it as a lesson learned re: the nudes. It's fine to have boundaries and be firm, we don't have to do what men want us to do. You can have a stock phrase that's as simple as "I don't do nudes" every time someone asks. A second ask gets "I've already told you that I don't do nudes, asking again will be a deal-breaker ".

This is true; and I shouldn't have blocked him - really regret doing so. It just seemed so much of a coincidence that the morning of the day he had booked the hotel that he suddenly had to cancel because of his mum taking ill. But yeah, he might have tried to message me during the weeks when I blocked him, seen that his messages were not delivering, and thought I was being a bit of a heartless cow! Though he could have text or used snapchat to contact me during that time. Or even phoned me. I guess I'll never know now! 😕

You can have a stock phrase that's as simple as "I don't do nudes" every time someone asks. A second ask gets "I've already told you that I don't do nudes, asking again will be a deal-breaker "

this is really good advice!

He worked funny hours always finishing at about 11pm then we would message after his work
Classic married and messaging after wife is in bed,

He suggested meeting and booked a hotel half way between where we live (he is about 4 hours from me). Then early hours he said he'd gone to the hospital for his mum

His wife was expecting and not meeting his needs in the last 4 months of pregnancy, goes into labour unexpectedly in the early hours.

His wife is now home on maternity with the baby and he cant sneak off having sexy time with random people on the interweb,

You blocked him first? Funny!

I also love how he sent a photo of his hand as proof he was single. Also funny.

Just write this one up to experience. You were almost certainly right about the 'mum in hospital' excuse - more likely the wife got suspicious!

@PosterBoy yeah I stupidly blocked him first because it just seemed so unlikely that his mum fell sick the morning we were supposed to have our weekend away. What was weird was that he sent me a screengrab of the booking. But then he changed the hotel to a different one. He said it was for my benefit as I can't drive due to medical reasons and the second hotel was closer to the station but it just seemed a bit off. On the morning he cancelled I said to him 'if you can't make it that's fine, family comes first' and he said something about how he hoped that he could make it as it was non-refundable. It just seemed a bit off, like he'd rehearsed it? Then I asked him how his mum was a few days later, he replied a few days after that saying she was OK now, I work in discharging people from hospital so I asked a few more questions and he wasn't sure. Then he stopped messaging me entirely. After about 2 weeks I blocked him because I thought he had a wife or something, it just felt off. Then I thought that it was silly and childish to block him so unblocked him. Then I wished him happy birthday on Snapchat, and he just ignored it / didn't open it. Then I messaged him yesterday on whatsapp and it was delivered (2 ticks) but not opened. Then his profile picture disappeared which means I am blocked. I even put his number into my friend's phone and you could see his profile picture on Whatsapp there. So I know that I am blocked, it's not just that he has got rid of his profile picture. I'm just mortified by the whole thing really 😭 I hate the idea of someone having my intimate videos / photos when they have actively taken steps to get rid of me / they are avoiding me. If it had fizzled out it wouldn't be so bad but I guess my pride has been dented by him taking these proactive steps!

@PosterBoy yeah it was a bit random. He could've just removed the ring for the photo!

You probably don’t look good enough to get views on pornhub. People who do get views have plastic surgery/amazing bodies

Getting views on pornhub (and what a shitty comment) is irrelevant. It is the worry that someone has nudes and could share them anywhere.

Fortunately it would come under revenge porn if he did which is a criminal offence, hopefully that's enough to put him off that idea - not that I think shes got anything to worry about.

His wife found them and has probably deleted them.

Honestly this just sounds like a no-fault thing that's fizzled.

I don't think posters proclaiming that he must have been married (with no proof) are helping OP feel any better.

It was a short-term, casual thing. He had a stressful time, you blocked him. He then blocked you.

Neither of you behaved perfectly, but neither of you is to blame either. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted, but the best thing you can do is to move on and not give the relationship any more headspace.

He will definitely share your pics and even if he personally doesn't upload it publicly, those he shares them with or discover them might.

Expensive lesson, can't do anything now but learn from it and never repeat it, don't ever compromise yourself like this again not even with a real boyfriend.

Have you actually spoken to him since you blocked him?

He probably assumed at that point you weren’t interested anymore and found someone else to chat with.

Why would you ever send nude photos to someone you hardly know online? Someone who obviously doesn't want to even meet up?

@Flickersy so what if she doesn't feel better? It's more important and useful to learn the red flags than say nice things and minimise what happened.

What????
What a f witted comment

Oh sweetie please don’t message this man again, what are you doing woman messaging him on other dating apps happy birthday etc ? Do not ever make a man show you twice he doesn’t want you. You need some standards in life where men are concerned trust me!

Remember talking to someone online isn’t any kind of relationship. It’s just talking to a stranger that’s it, you just made it something in your head it never was.

Why do people on threads like this always say well he was probably married? Is it some lame attempt to make one feel better? Yes it’s a small possibility but it’s ok for someone not to want a person for a variety of reasons.

If you’re going to send photos then make sure your face isn’t in them which you did so even if they did end up on porn hub ( very unlikely ) nobody would know it was you unless you are covered in distinctive tattoos of course.

I’d cringe over this situation for today then try to put it to the back on your mind.

No facial pics thank goodness!
What you're feeling is rejection/loss/sadness.
He's very probably met someone irl. Your situation was more fictional. It wasn't a real relationship per se, even though it may have felt like it. It suited you (and maybe him at the time) but it was far from it. A real relationship involves much more than text, photos and a once in a blue moon meet up. Maybe he found that with someone.
I'm not trying to be condescending, just realistic.
The way you feel now will 💯 pass.

Everyone knows that posting nudes online without permission carries heavy penalties nowadays. I doubt this man would take the risk, and in any case there are literally zillions of nude pics on line, yours are never likely to be posted, and if they were, even less likely to be seen by anyone let alone someone you know so do not worry on that front.

Sending pics can be fun but think of the potential consequences and if those consequences worry you then refrain or just keep the pics very light.

I think you've dodged a bullet, cuddle your kids and move on :-)

"He worked funny hours always finishing at about 11pm"

That was when his wife/girlfriend went to sleep probably. That's why he has disappeared at random times too and made excuses

There’s a revenge porn helpline that can check if any of that sort of material of you is out there. I have had extreme anxiety about this sort of thing but my very promiscuous male gay friend always reassures me that either the photos will just be kept in the wank bank or honestly unless they have a reason to be spiteful or damage you they just won’t be arsed to put it online. It feels horrendous though and I’m sorry.

Try and transport yourself five years into the future for a minute, and imagine how much this will matter then. It won't. You dont need to be mortified, you've done nothing wrong, give yourself a break. You had the sense not to show your face in the photos, and lessons have been learned for future, that's all.

Onwards. And for the record, his mum wasn't in hospital. He didn't want to meet up, he was happy with the online wank library and the attention. You bloked him because you knew on some level that he was dicking you about and this is the voice you need to listen to in future.

Bloked him? Blocked him!