Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

[Mortifiable]

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

Tell him that it is distressing you that he might share it and it would cause you severe distress if he did do it. It is now a criminal offence if it is shared and punishable by prison time.

Try not to worry about where those will end up, it's highly likely they will have been on his phone rather than online and if he has indeed met someone else they may have been deleted by now.

I know some people do send stuff but I wouldn't do it myself, ask or expect a woman to send me stuff unless I knew them and were in a relationship with them for some time. Others will though and can also push it in that direction.

Can understand why you did but nothing you can do now but learn from it especially on OLD, go slow.

I'm really sorry that happened to you ☹ how horrible. He sounds like a complete creep. I'm not sure there is any point in me asking this guy to delete my photos / videos as (a) he is no longer speaking to me and I can't get hold of him and (b) how would I know he'd deleted them anyway. He could just lie. Best I can hope for is that his girlfriend / wife has deleted them or he's deleted them anyway. Or that he hasn't shown them like trophies to his friends. I repeatedly asked him about sharing and he said he wouldn't, but in hindsight I didn't really know him so I have no idea of his behaviour!

Don’t beat yourself up about this, treat it as a learning opportunity. Next time, meet the man within a few days. Don’t establish a fantasy relationship by text. Don’t send photos.

This sounds like a sad situation, I can completely empathise with the feeling of humiliation and rejection.

I don't think you did anything to be ashamed of. I think the connection with him was just what you needed, and it does not sound exploitative. I think unfortunately it was always on a shaky foundation, with the distance, and I think whatever happened with the failed meetup and you blocking him gave the whole thing a wobble and it crashed.

It doesn't sound like he was some horrible scammer just wanting to get nudes out of you. I would suspect he is probably a lonely man (whether married or not, I'm not saying he was necessarily a saint) who was glad of the connection, but ultimately unable or unwilling to commit to it. He has perhaps found something easier closer to home. Try not to take it personally, he might even be rebounding from you! I hope you will heal well in time and it will stop hurting.

Well exactly! It gets very lonely being on your own when all your friends are married or partnered off, you go out in a group and you're the only single one there, or your friends can't see you as much as they used to cos they are with their husbands / partners. It was nice to have somebody waiting to talk to me in the evenings, even if it was just WhatsApping and on my phone, not in real life. I don't think it would be fair to my kids to subject them to me having a new partner, after all they have been through with my exH (who now has a revolving door of real-life girlfriends which is very destabilising for them) so chatting and sexting at night with an in-person meet-up every few weeks when the kids were with their dad was what I was wanted.

This is a really nice, kind message and I like to think that you're correct. Thank you xx

Going against the grain a little here, but if his mum was in hospital and then a care package, if he 'went quiet' as you say, there could have been genuine reasons for that.
You blocked him. Which is juvenile and no better than ghosting someone.
Then you unblocked him, and it's been downhill all the way then, to the distress of unread messages and bring ghosted... But it's entirely possible that he felt he experienced your true colours when you blocked him and, well, two can play at that game.
If I was in his shoes I'd maybe have done the same on finding myself blocked because communication levels dropped when dealing with a family health crisis. 🤷🏾

@GoingOffOnATangent you could be right and I do bitterly regret blocking him because of the whole 'what if?'. I was so sure it was a lie about his mum being ill though, it didn't add up, the location of the hospital when he had told me where she lived, the way he changed hotels at the last minute, a few other details. It just seemed really 'off'. Guess I'll never know now 🤷‍♀️

@Mortifiable - you sound lovely & I wish you (better) luck in the future in the cesspit we call OLD. On another note, your writing style reminds me a lot of a very dear friend of mine who also has a lot of distinctive tattoos! She’s not had a lot of luck either.
Hopefully (and it will, I’m sure) that nothing will happen with the photos/videos and in time, your anxiety will pass.
Best of Luck x

But if you thought this then communicating about it would be better than blocking. Either he’s a liar and you’re better off without him or you’ve shot yourself in the foot.

I would take him at his word that he was single. You have no evidence to the contrary so don't make it something it isn't but also consider that it never had chance to develop into something with a real future.

So you were stuck in a hinterland of overblown promises and nude pics. That couldn't last forever even if it did suit your circs.

I mean this with genuine kindness and reassurance but he was probably open to meeting someone closer by and eventually did.

He didn't see your pics and ghost you. Contact fizzled after his mum was unwell, you blocked then he didn't pick up where he had left off with the messaging when you unlocked.

I don't think you've been really messed about. It just didn't have the mileage in it to work out longer term. I'd honestly try and relax.

He may have blocked you to avoid any awkward messages coming up if you had sexual or emotional conversations and contact was patchy by that point.

I don't get the impression there is malice involved and anyway, your face wasn't in any pics so nobody could prove they had seen you even in the unlikely event they did. I would really try not to worry.

He said his mum was ill the day before we were due to meet. I said if he needs to cancel I understand, just let me know. He didn't relly so I took that as it being cancelled. I messaged a few days later asking how she is and he replied after 5 days with some vague messages which I won't go into here but they didn't add up (appreciate when a loved one is sick you don't always write the most coherent messages). I ended the messages with "let me know when you're free, I know you have a lot going on" and he replied with "we will definitely sort something at some point". Didn't hear anything from him for 2 weeks. Then I blocked him for 2 weeks. Didn't hear anything on any other medium during that 2 weeks (I only blocked him on WhatsApp and we used SnapChat as well. And sms / texting). Then after I unblocked him I still didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. Then it was his birthday so I wished him happy birthday on SnapChat and he didn't open it. Then after another 3 weeks I messaged him yesterday to check in with him and he blocked me.

I couldn't really say "I think you're lying about your mum being ill". Because if it was true, he would think I was a horrible person, and if he was lying he probably wouldn't want to stay in touch anyway as he had been rumbled! I mean, technically I could have but it isn't the sort of thing I would do / say.

Please don't send nudes! I did with my ex and he used them as blackmail and did post them online and made a fake fb profile with my name and posted them. It fucked me up for a long time (tbh, I still am still struggling with it even after having therapy). Someone who respects you will respect your decision to not send them! My husband understood and never asked. I'd say it's better to be safe than sorry, and to just never send them.

Thank you @RosaMoline xx
I had no idea how cut-throat and horrible online dating is but there is literally no other way for me to meet men; my friends don't have anyone to introduce me to (I have asked repeatedly!), my workplace is 99.9% female, I'm too old to go out 'on the pull'. But OLD is THE WORST.

Could you look him up for Facebook to see if he has a girlfriend?

So you hadn't heard from him in months and send him nudes? Oh dear OP.

If he didn't didn't have a girlfriend/wife before it is possible he got one inbetween and was just stringing you along until things got serious with her.

Either it's a mistake you won't make twice

Is this for real. How on earth was this ever anything was more than sex?

Agree entirely with this.

I would presume he has now got a girlfriend and doesn't want to get into the nitty gritty. Sending nude photos is just a part of that relationship. Most guys aren't going to do anything dodgy with the pics (except for saving them for later). What you did was normal. No need to be mortified. I'm sorry he was a bit shit about bringing your situationship to a close, but that's all it is, no?

and agree with @forgivingfiggy

@shieldmaiden7 I think the nudes were sent earlier in the year, before he went quiet

You’d be getting much different replies if you were male.

You told him to get in touch when he was free then blocked him when he didn’t in a timescale that was acceptable to you. Then unblocked him and still expected him to get in touch with you.

He then made clear by not responding to the birthday message that he wasn’t looking to engage with you anymore, but you still messaged him again.

And despite all that you’re now saying that he ghosted you. At the very most he’s chosen not to get in touch with you again after you blocked him.

Move on from this one and just take from it that if you start the blocking and ghosting game the other person will likely take you up on it.

No, the nudes that I sent were just before we met up and in the weeks afterwards when we were messaging a lot.