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Original poster

Anyone admit to loving their partner more than their kids

154 replies

looking4pup · 04/11/2023 09:38

Do you love your DH, BF, Partner more than your children?

Do you prioritise and care for them more than your DC?

I don't mean "it's a different sort of love" "I love them both but in different ways" I mean if you were on a sinking ship and had to choose or hypothetically he moved away to the other side of the world and your child had to stay what would you do?

My DH works away for months at a time. It's just been me and 2 dd's 11 and 13 really. That's just for info in case I'm asked. My answer is no I love my kids more and would choose them over anything.

I'm just being nosey and curious if anyone does prefer their husband.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 04/11/2023 09:42

It makes more biological sense to protect your children over your husband.

DoktorPeppa · 04/11/2023 09:44

There's something wrong with anybody who loves their partner more than their children

MinnieL · 04/11/2023 09:45

DoktorPeppa · 04/11/2023 09:44

There's something wrong with anybody who loves their partner more than their children

Agreed

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Families
Sartre · 04/11/2023 09:46

It isn’t natural to love your partner more. We’re biologically wired to love our children more than anything so if you love someone else more, you’ve gone wrong.

coffeeisthebest · 04/11/2023 09:48

My parents made a big thing of telling us (and showing us in their behaviour) that their relationship trumped us every time. I found it difficult to hear and there is no way I would reel out this sort of talk to my kids.

Ffsnotaconference · 04/11/2023 09:48

Would definitely save my kids, not my partner, and would never leave them to live with dp.

It doesn’t even come close. I love my kids unconditionally. Doesn’t matter what they did, I would still love them. I may hate something they did. But I would still love them. I might even cut them off (as adults) for certain behaviours. But still love them,

Dp could do tons of things that’s would make me stop loving him.

AnyFucker · 04/11/2023 09:48

I would tip my husband out of the boat in a heartbeat if I had to choose 😊

Westfacing · 04/11/2023 09:57

Many decades ago in a fluffy magazine article there was a wife of a then reasonably famous footballer. To this day I remember being very surprised when she said that he was her priority and always puts him first, even before the children.

There's a proverb The children of lovers are orphans

GigiAnnna · 04/11/2023 10:13

Kids always. I love my husband but if he cheated on me, I'd kick him out. If my kids did something much worse, eg. murder, I'd struggle to live with it but I wouldn't stop loving them.

LubaLuca · 04/11/2023 10:16

God no. I can imagine a life without my husband - it wouldn't be what I chose but I know I could become happy enough. Life without my children is unimaginably sad.

Apossum · 04/11/2023 10:19

No, I don’t love my husband more than my son. I’d rather not ever have to choose though as while my son would always be the obvious and immediate choice, I’m rather fond of my husband!

karmasacat · 04/11/2023 10:20

Our relationship is my priority. I don’t know about loving more or less, but we decided a long time ago that our relationship would always be the focus, and from that everything else flows. Happy marriages make happy children, in my experience. It’s worked so far.

TheaBrandt · 04/11/2023 10:21

I think I love my immediate family the same. But Dh is amazing and we are in the trenches of dealing with teens together with all that entails.

I work with many older people and most are with and being looked after by their spouses their adult children are off living their own lives.

Desperateinseattle · 04/11/2023 10:21

I would physically throw him overboard if it meant saving my kids.

if he didn’t do the same I’d be haunting him for the rest of his life.

kids before partner every time.

WineAndFireside · 04/11/2023 10:26

Children first, always. But in the end they will grow up and leave, so in reality it makes sense to nurture a marriage as much as you nurture your children, if you are lucky enough to have a good one.

GeekyDiva80 · 04/11/2023 10:30

Sometimes, I do enjoy being around my DP more as he doesn't constantly say "Mummy! Mummy! Mum!" 😂. At times I do prefer his company to my demanding 3.5-year-old. Plus, you can only spend so much time searching for snails 😫. But, I love my daughter unconditionally and will never leave her. She's my life.

IncompleteSenten · 04/11/2023 10:31

I don't think it's a question of love as much as it is vulnerability.

Small children versus able bodied adult male - you save the small children.

Adult children (mine are in their 20s now) versus elderly, injured or disabled parent - you step in to assist the latter.

Who needs help more in any given situation is the question. It isn't a blanket 'always help my children regardless'

IncompleteSenten · 04/11/2023 10:33

Oh but 'sinking ship not enough room choose' situation I'd jump out myself so they'd all live.

flashbac · 04/11/2023 10:36

I think it was Nigella who said her parents or grandparents said they would save each other first as they could always have more children... ghastly if true.

VeridicalVagabond · 04/11/2023 10:38

I love my husband very much, and have chosen to prioritise our relationship over being just "mum" sometimes, because I wanted us to still have a relationship once DD has grown up. And I have definitely consistently liked him more, children can be annoying. But then I've also occasionally liked the dogs more than both of them.

But I love her more. Of course I do, and he loves her more too. It's natural.

PegasusReturns · 04/11/2023 10:38

For me it’s my DC, without hesitation. Even the older totally not vulnerable in any way young adults.

I have a v close friend who’d pick her DH. It came up in drunken conversation one night and I was astonished. Her DC are all lovely, sweet, delightful DC whom she adores but apparently not as much as her DH.

C1N1C · 04/11/2023 10:39

I get this. Cat trumps wife.

PegasusReturns · 04/11/2023 10:40

Actually DH once said he’d pick me. I told him if ever he saved me at the expense of our DC I’d kill him. And I think I would.

karmasacat · 04/11/2023 10:41

@PegasusReturns does it matter then? if your friend adores her children and they’re well looked after by the sounds of what you said, does it matter if she feels that she loves her children more? (I’m just musing really)

Angrycat2768 · 04/11/2023 10:42

Ffsnotaconference · 04/11/2023 09:48

Would definitely save my kids, not my partner, and would never leave them to live with dp.

It doesn’t even come close. I love my kids unconditionally. Doesn’t matter what they did, I would still love them. I may hate something they did. But I would still love them. I might even cut them off (as adults) for certain behaviours. But still love them,

Dp could do tons of things that’s would make me stop loving him.

I think this is the crux of it. My love for my husband is not unconditional. I think anyone who loves a partner unconditionally is at risk of being treated badly and just putting up with it 'Because I love him'. My love for my children is unconditional no matter what they do, or even if they move to the other side of the world when they are adults and never want to see me again. If DH did the same I would stop loving him pretty darn quick!

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