Anyone admit to loving their partner more than their kids

[looking4pup]

Do you love your DH, BF, Partner more than your children?

Do you prioritise and care for them more than your DC?

I don't mean "it's a different sort of love" "I love them both but in different ways" I mean if you were on a sinking ship and had to choose or hypothetically he moved away to the other side of the world and your child had to stay what would you do?

My DH works away for months at a time. It's just been me and 2 dd's 11 and 13 really. That's just for info in case I'm asked. My answer is no I love my kids more and would choose them over anything.

I'm just being nosey and curious if anyone does prefer their husband.

Are you genuinely saying that it’s the parents of paedophiles’ fault for not giving their child unconditional love? Rape crisis figures are that 85,000 women experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault every year. Is that 85,000 parents who have failed in their unconditional love?
Whilst I have no doubt that dysfunctional families are linked to increased offending I think the message of unconditional love is part of the problem. Love should never be unconditional- the opposite actually. And if we say that it is, we also teach our daughters to put up with any behaviours with the excuse of “love”

You can of course have your opinion - this is an Internet forum - but how dare you decree that my family and upbringing, which I have explicitly stated was loving, was or has effected my ability to parent or the love that I have for my child from one sentence in a online post.

I used to work with a woman who always said that her husband came first . That the children would grow up and leave home. The children knew how she felt .
Eventually the husband left for an OW and the adult DC are LC .

Yes I agree. Once the kids are gone, you need to make sure that the relationship is still happy and strong.

The love I have for my son compares to nobody else on the planet, including my partner. It's just ingrained in us.

My dh has admitted to this says he loves me more than his dc with his ex (but said when he was with her he felt he loved the dc more) and also with our dc that we have together. He admits he struggles to prioritise the dc and his natural inclination is to put me first.

For example I share a birthday with dsd and dh would make plans for me and my birthday he once booked a weekend away and I had to say to him ‘it’s your dd birthday she comes first’ and he immediately agrees but I find it just a little bit weird !

I find the threads around loving dc or partners more really weird tbh. Who actually sits there measuring love? And if you mean you put your dc first all of the time, well you're not as you're dc will end up dealing with separated parents and all that that entails.

I love my dc, for who they are, over the years (mine are almost adult) I've realised that dc who do well enough, are happy, have future plans, friends, goals, try new things etc are dc that come from houses where they feel accepted and not smothered. Where they're not centre of the universe but part of it.

Also - YY to what a PP said about freezing, I'm also a freezer and know that the time my ds was in real trouble I froze and a stranger rescued him. Your love isn't based on your nervous system response during stress.

I don’t love my husband more, but he’s my number 1, because I think that happy children grow up in happy households and I want my son to see parents in healthy marriage. But my husband is decent. If he was scumbag, then the answer is obvious I think. My husband is the same. I can see how much he loves our son, says his pain is his pain, when he cries he wants to cry too, but says I’m his number 1.

It also made me feel bad as my order of priority is my dc, sc then dh

I love my husband very much and would be lost without him but I would choose my kids every time.

and I would promptly kill him if he tried to choose me instead of them too

I worship the ground DH walks on but would choose our children over him in a life or death scenario without a second thought. I'd hope he'd do the same.

Life wouldn't be worth living without them.

Well, that hit a nerve.

Yes offending rates are sky high from dysfunctional families, and children that grow up with limited exposure to unconditional love are far more likely to offend. Even taking away criminality. Children are far more likely to have successful relationships throughout adulthood if their self esteem is high, they have sound mental health and confidence. Confidence and more importantly safety comes from the safety nets parents provide with unconditional love.

A child is disadvantaged by a lack of unconditional love. It creates fear of abandonment, loss and rejection. You may feel this doesn’t affect you personally, I would say that’s unlikely. How are you measuring it?

I think I’d tip my DH (or myself - equal opportunities etc) overboard to protect any young child’s life. Doesn’t have to be my own kids.

That would probably change once my DC are adults and DH is all I have left.

My mum always said she would choose our dad over us, because she wouldn’t know how to cope (ie earn a living, manage a house, raise children etc) without him. Always felt very sorry for her.

I love my sons unconditionally and always will.if f my sons committed a Henious crime I would still.love him I would hate the crime and it would probably destroy me but I could never stop.loving him

Actually children need secure boundaries, love (not centre of the world and every demand met love) interest, care, education, friends, new experiences, time outside, nutrition, shelter, warmth - think Maslow hierarchy of needs. Children who have the highest rates of happiness often come from countries in Africa and other nations where community is central.

Children who come from happy homes are also happier and have their need for belonging met. It really isn't about measuring who loves who the most.

My heart doesn't agree with this but I always try to not be judgemental, so maybe there is nothing wrong with loving your partner more, I dunno but personally I can't relate.

I love my child well more in every way than everyone. Even if it is a different love, deep inside me it is more love for my child

This and I would much expect my partner to do same with me. I would be so annoyed if he even thought about saving me for a second😂

My DS 18 will always be my #1, Mama bear doesn’t step down just because he’s now an adult and I’d always save him above anyone else! Having said that I love him the most that doesn’t mean there aren’t situations where my partner comes first and I guess that’s why our little family works perfectly ❤️

It can work.both ways my Fil died a,few months ago my dh,hadn't seen him for nearly 30 years and he hadn't met any of his six grandchildren
My husband, s had a normal loving relationship with his Dad as a kid and when his parents split up when he was a teen he continued to visit him
His Dad met a new partner who was considerably younger than him and gradually stopped making an effort to contact either of his kid,s
We only found he died when we got a knock on the door by the police early one morning .

It’s a different kind of love and comparisons or headings of love are ridiculous

My husband’s mother abandoned her children when they were little for the sake of a new man. Went on to have a child with this man, who then left her and she abandoned that child too. I don’t understand how she can live with herself, my children are always my priority.

It hit no nerve at all other than extreme irritation at the your presumption to characterize myself and my family based on one sentence.

I completely disagree with you (although I will not be so presumptuous, arrogant or rude as to then extrapolate out that there is an issue with your family!). I don’t not believe that confidence and safety come from unconditional love. I think that confidence and safety come from children learning boundaries and understanding that being liked and being loved is conditional on being a decent human being. Obviously we all make mistakes and children in particular need to learn but unconditional means with conditions or restrictions so no I would not love anyone without conditions. I would not love a child abuser or rapist

There is absolutely no one on earth apart from my child that I'd literally give my life for. It's not just love it's an overwhelming urge to protect them at all costs even if that cost was my life. No man or partner would ever come close to how I feel about my son.

Yes, DH is getting shoved overboard to save my children

I'm also going overboard, as are my parents, my cats and everyone else on the planet

I highly doubt it'll be necessary for anyone to get wet, but here we are

There was one of the OG YouTube families called shaytards. The parents on there once talked about the fact the kids knew they’d choose each other over the kids.

But then he became a sex addict Cheater and pretty sure they’ve separated

Yeah. I think it can happen when a parent has terrible self esteem or even self-loathing. They see the child as an extension of themselves, and so just as they put themselves last, they put their children last also. It’s very sad.