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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
stayathomer · 26/10/2023 04:59

No and no here too, I payed rent from 16 myself but because I really wanted to (I know what the hell), and my parents were always finding ways to get the money back to me but I’ve only remembered that recently lol. Dh was saying a boy in his class was thrown out age 18 and was heartbroken and lost. Apparently he’d always thought they were joking and then they told him they couldn’t afford to keep him. Dh said people in the class said he bawled crying and said he’d be working soon, but no. He was still in school so different families took him in. I don’t know what happened then. Makes me so angry

Mastmw7g · 26/10/2023 05:01

@ohdamnitjanet I was feeling so much guilt reading the replies. I didn't ask my 20 year old to move out at 18, but I welcomed the long breaks of her being at school because she was a horror. She's in a house share now and was angry and started hitting a tree in the garden with a big stick. You can tell the tree was damaged. She was informed that if she damages property again that she won't be allowed to live there.

I have younger kids and I don't know if I'd ask them to move out. So much would depend on what they're like. Because I can't live full-time with someone horribly behaved again.

Sugarfree23 · 26/10/2023 05:08

Op why are you asking?

Most 18 yos are not ready to stand completely on their own two feet. Most people would rather support their kids through the early adulthood years of college / uni or low apprenticeship wages.

Kicking kids out in their teens before they are ready to fly the nest is setting them up for a lifetime of resentment

ohdamnitjanet · 26/10/2023 05:09

Mastmw7g · 26/10/2023 05:01

@ohdamnitjanet I was feeling so much guilt reading the replies. I didn't ask my 20 year old to move out at 18, but I welcomed the long breaks of her being at school because she was a horror. She's in a house share now and was angry and started hitting a tree in the garden with a big stick. You can tell the tree was damaged. She was informed that if she damages property again that she won't be allowed to live there.

I have younger kids and I don't know if I'd ask them to move out. So much would depend on what they're like. Because I can't live full-time with someone horribly behaved again.

@Mastmw7g I’m so sorry, mumsnet is very good at guilting people. It is so stressful living with bad behaviour and impacts everyone, especially younger siblings. I would definitely tell mine to move out if he was awful to live with, but I would take no pleasure in it. I do hope your daughter calms down, she’s still young and things could easily change.

MrsPerfect12 · 26/10/2023 05:10

No they'd never be told to move out.

No they shouldn't pay rent out of student loan unless money is very tight.

Even when they have a full time job they shouldn't be kick out, set a fair timeline based on what can realistically be afforded if you absolutely want them to leave ASAP - this will still take years

however they should be respectful in the home and to everyone else.

ChristinaNotChristine · 26/10/2023 05:15

I've told my babies that they're never allowed to leave Grin.
Of course my teen who's applying for uni and is currently doing uni courses at school just rolls her eyes at me. If we can afford it, we won't want rent. I do have an agreement in place with eldest that she must save 50% of her earnings since she got a job to help pay for her expenses once she leave our home. If she really wants anything, we'll help her pay without touching her saved wages.

Ponderingwindow · 26/10/2023 05:16

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

100%

I think parents should be subsidizing their students, not the other way around.
if you absolutely can’t afford to give them money that is one thing, but asking your student to take on debt in order to give it to you is ridiculous.

Ragwort · 26/10/2023 05:17

No, I haven't asked my DS to move out - he is 22 now and lived at home after Uni ... we never expected rent from his Uni loan or 'casual' wages. However he has chosen to leave home & be financially independent and that to me is a good sign .. without wanting to sound horrible I wouldn't want him to just stay living at home because it's the easy option. By leaving home (going abroad) he is taking advantage of the opportunities available and becoming independent. He's always been good at saving and has funds put by (we are fortunate in that we have been able to help as well) for a house deposit etc.

Mastmw7g · 26/10/2023 05:19

@ohdamnitjanet Thank you. I felt less guilty when I read what you wrote. It was a nicer way of putting my thoughts into words. Having her officially moved out has really lifted a strain from my marriage and it's improved her relationships with her siblings. And she and I have never gotten along so well.

And of course you're correct that she's still young. Plenty of time to manage her anger. I'm just relieved she'll be learning to do that elsewhere.

OnAir · 26/10/2023 05:19

I moved out at 18. Was told I had 1 year left on my 17th birthday. Moved out a month after my 18th.

ohdamnitjanet · 26/10/2023 05:27

Mastmw7g · 26/10/2023 05:19

@ohdamnitjanet Thank you. I felt less guilty when I read what you wrote. It was a nicer way of putting my thoughts into words. Having her officially moved out has really lifted a strain from my marriage and it's improved her relationships with her siblings. And she and I have never gotten along so well.

And of course you're correct that she's still young. Plenty of time to manage her anger. I'm just relieved she'll be learning to do that elsewhere.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. My ds is pretty well behaved tbf but has had his own struggles I won’t go into here and it can be awful, there is no respite from the mental strain when you have to live with it. I’d be relieved too. Hugs.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 26/10/2023 05:29

Of course not!
I have a 21 year old and 19 year old living here, one full time, one out of term time. We don’t charge them rent because we subsidise their student loan to enable them to live. Their loan doesn’t even cover the rent.

Whatwillnye · 26/10/2023 05:29

Mum gave us all a choice; stay in education or pay your way. I moved out at 19 after paying rent to mum from 17. I was so proud of myself as I was renting a room, earning my own money budgetting shopping and would share my excitement with friends etc. My mum would even pop round and agreed the best decision we made was expectation for one or other.

I met my then boyfriend around this time. His mum and dad never asked for keep from him and at our engagement party his parents told me that clearly my mum mistreated me/didnt care about me and suggested we move in with them to save up for a few years and I wouldn't have to do my own food shopping etc because that's their job.

I ended it a year later with my boyfriend and met my husband a long while later but the point I'm making is one family's decision on finances can be seen completely differently to another. I couldn't have expressed my happiness for independence enough yet it was seen as bad parenting or abuse or what ever to ex's parents.

AuntieMarys · 26/10/2023 05:34

Mine were at university and came back every holiday. They lived with us post graduation for 2 more years and then bought flats.
That was a great day 😀

autumnboys · 26/10/2023 05:46

When my kids were small, I would have said absolutely they can stay at home for as long as they like, for free.

DS1 is nearly 20. He decided against uni and works full time. He lives at home. He makes a contribution to the cost of running the household. I wrestled over this for a while because if he’d gone to Uni we would still have been paying for him but ultimately for us when he chose not to do that, he chose to step into adulthood and that comes with responsibilities.

GoodToBeHome · 26/10/2023 05:53

No of course they won't be kicked out at 18 (or any age). They will be expected to contribute to household costs relative to their earnings.

Siameasy · 26/10/2023 05:59

No but I would expect them to not be a slob

Lentilweaver · 26/10/2023 06:00

No and no.

I also won't be expecting a financial contribution from them even when they begin working. I am from a different culture though, where we do things differently. No right answer.

Gingerkittykat · 26/10/2023 06:04

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

No, the loan is to cover living expenses so it is appropriate to use some of it on rent, bills and food even if living at home.

A lot depends on the parent's financial circumstances though. A parent on a low income might need the money to support the family and a higher income household might not need it at all.

Blueeyedmale · 26/10/2023 06:08

Absolutely not when my son turns 18 he will still be my son and will always have a roof over his head until he feels comfortable or in a position to live on his own,I moved out at 18 and at the time I think I was still a bit immature and not ready for the responsibility,I wont stop being a loving parent when my son turns 18

Crikeyalmighty · 26/10/2023 06:17

My son told me a week before 18 he was looking at houseshares- he was working and wanted to be closer to work - worked out well, he's now 25 and used to bills and budgeting and I always help him out when needs be

Sconehenge · 26/10/2023 06:19

My mum and step dad (not low income and no financially issues) asked for rent out of my student loan and also asked me to move out when I was 18 whilst I was at full time uni. I still have a relationship with mum but I don’t think she is aware of how much it is damaged Irrevocably.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 26/10/2023 06:22

I didn’t on any count but if the family is struggling financially it might be necessary to ask for bed / board money.

BarleySugars · 26/10/2023 06:23

No i wont be asking her to move out, where the hell would she go? 18yr olds dont even get full minimum wage so no idea how she could afford housing. I wont be asking rent because i dont really believe in family paying me, i pay the mortgage so get the benefit of the asset and would be paying if she was here or not anyway. I will likely insist she does her own laundry and contributes to the food but thats it.

Monkeypopcorn · 26/10/2023 06:35

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Yes because students living at home get less maintenance because the government assumes their parents aren't dicks!