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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
HobbitualPenguin · 29/10/2023 13:00

My older brother still lives at home with our parents at the age of 37 and has no intention of ever moving out or getting a job and paying rent 😅

Thistlelass · 29/10/2023 14:28

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 08:42

Until 20 is for college education, not university. There is no obligation for NRPs to pay maintenance for an 18 year old at university.

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There certainly is in Scotland.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/10/2023 14:35

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

That’s exactly what he’s ment to do with his money for college.
Pay your mortgage and ruin his education are you for real ?

I thought you wanted to ask him to move not take all his money from Him.

Do you work if not you and husband should go and get any job use can get your hands on to make money

gemma19846 · 29/10/2023 17:37

Same 17. I ended up sleeping on friends couches and getting into all types of situations. I would never do that to my children. Our home is a home for all of us until the time comes when they want to move out. Theyll always have a home to come back to if they need to

Samlewis96 · 29/10/2023 17:55

Hermittrismegistus · 26/10/2023 01:01

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Not if needed.

If they are living at home then that's reasonable as allowances sre made for accommodation in London If living elsewhere and back in holidays no.

For all those people saying they can live there often without contributing don't you realise that if a parent was getting benefits for them they stop at uni or when working so a loss of up to £100 a week so how on earth could they afford to let adult child live there for free

WinterDeWinter · 29/10/2023 18:00

Sorry if it's already been said but middle class parents who have not been relying on the various benefits which stop when the child turns 18 should be very, very careful about implying that a parent is somehow cruel or unnatural for thinking about this stuff.

Be grateful you don't have to.

OP, if you need to, you need to. Your child will understand that this has nothing to do with how much you love him.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 18:05

WinterDeWinter · 29/10/2023 18:00

Sorry if it's already been said but middle class parents who have not been relying on the various benefits which stop when the child turns 18 should be very, very careful about implying that a parent is somehow cruel or unnatural for thinking about this stuff.

Be grateful you don't have to.

OP, if you need to, you need to. Your child will understand that this has nothing to do with how much you love him.

OP hasn't been relying on benefits though if you read the thread. She's not a single parent. She wants to take the money because her husband has lost his job. Her husband needs to get another job as soon as possible.

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 18:07

WinterDeWinter · 29/10/2023 18:00

Sorry if it's already been said but middle class parents who have not been relying on the various benefits which stop when the child turns 18 should be very, very careful about implying that a parent is somehow cruel or unnatural for thinking about this stuff.

Be grateful you don't have to.

OP, if you need to, you need to. Your child will understand that this has nothing to do with how much you love him.

Those benefits are to help with the costs of raising a child. An adult can pay for their own clothes, travel expenses, holidays, books, study equipment.
Benefits are not meant to be a way to subsidise your mortgage.

IHavetoadmit · 29/10/2023 18:13

No my daughter will be with us for as long as she needs and she can come back to us as many times as she needs which I to be honest hope is never as that means life will be working out for her.
She's only one now but she will always be my baby girl even though she will be encouraged to spread her wings.
How my finances look currently I wouldn't ask for money from her - would expect her to be saving when her finances allow if my life changes then I would if need be.

Thelnebriati · 29/10/2023 18:19

No and yes. I'm on disability so they have to make up the portion that's deducted because they live here, and we split the bills.
I was kicked out at 17 and lived in insecure accommodation doing shite low paid jobs for years. As long as I have a choice I won't subject my kids to that.

HerMammy · 29/10/2023 18:28

I think you could ask for a contribution but not your full mortgage, that's you and your DHs responsibility.
Your Dh needs to apply for every job, be it in his field or tesco!

WinterDeWinter · 29/10/2023 18:39

OK I should have read the thread, apologies - I have seen that a lot on here though!

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 19:26

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 18:07

Those benefits are to help with the costs of raising a child. An adult can pay for their own clothes, travel expenses, holidays, books, study equipment.
Benefits are not meant to be a way to subsidise your mortgage.

Show quote history

The benefits are also to go towards housing costs too. I have to pay for an extra bedroom, food, electricity, water. If I didn't have a dependent child living here I would not be able to afford a 2 bedroom place and I would live in either a 1 bedroom or bedsit. So when my DS is working, he will absolutely need to contribute to household bills. I cannot afford to subsidise another working adult in the house.

Nichelette · 29/10/2023 19:41

Mine are only 2.5 and 5 months, but if they are with us and working f/t I'm definitely charging them rent to make them understand the value of money. I'll return it to them when they leave us, though I won't tell them that. We'd probably be considered middle class now, but I and their dad both had very little when we were growing up. We're saving for them already. Their experience will be completely different from ours, but I don't want them to take it for granted.

theleafandnotthetree · 29/10/2023 19:50

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 19:26

The benefits are also to go towards housing costs too. I have to pay for an extra bedroom, food, electricity, water. If I didn't have a dependent child living here I would not be able to afford a 2 bedroom place and I would live in either a 1 bedroom or bedsit. So when my DS is working, he will absolutely need to contribute to household bills. I cannot afford to subsidise another working adult in the house.

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Exactly. It must be very hard for you to read some of the posts here which seem to imply that the reason people would never dream of ever looking for a child to leave or of asking them for anything but a token contribution is because they love them so much and are such great parents. When to be able to indefinitely house multiple adult children without financial contribution - and to have a house large enough to do so comfortably- is itself a sign of privilege.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 20:02

theleafandnotthetree · 29/10/2023 19:50

Exactly. It must be very hard for you to read some of the posts here which seem to imply that the reason people would never dream of ever looking for a child to leave or of asking them for anything but a token contribution is because they love them so much and are such great parents. When to be able to indefinitely house multiple adult children without financial contribution - and to have a house large enough to do so comfortably- is itself a sign of privilege.

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Yes. I'd never ask DS to leave, but there's no way I could let him live here as an adult without paying anything or just taking a small amount and then put into savings for a deposit for him! I don't even own my own home so I definitely cannot help DS buy his own home either. It's the way it is for many.

onthenightfeed · 29/10/2023 20:59

@HobbitualPenguin omg I have the same brother 😂 Although he does have a job and over £40k saved because he’s not asked for a penny from my parents! (who aren’t actually in a financial position to do this they just feel mean asking their child for money as “it’s his home for as long as he needs/wants it”). He doesn’t even have to pay for his own petrol as he gives his colleagues lifts to work and charges them which covers ALL of his petrol! I could never understand why on earth he hasn’t moved out yet but actually he is living the high life! (+dinner cooked every night & washing done for him!! madness)

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:05

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 19:26

The benefits are also to go towards housing costs too. I have to pay for an extra bedroom, food, electricity, water. If I didn't have a dependent child living here I would not be able to afford a 2 bedroom place and I would live in either a 1 bedroom or bedsit. So when my DS is working, he will absolutely need to contribute to household bills. I cannot afford to subsidise another working adult in the house.

Show quote history

And this is where it may be better for everyone in this case for the adult child to move out and a lodger to move in. Rather than, as in ops example, charging her child £800 to pay the mortgage! The adult child can rent cheaper elsewhere and the op can try to find a lodger who thinks that's a price worth paying.

In your case, yes a bedsit or room in a house share may be a better option for you once your child is over 18. We don't really have one bed places near us, but perhaps you do? In ops case though perhaps her husband could get another job and they could just ask their uni child to buy his own food and pay towards his bills - a perfectly reasonable ask.

Julimia · 29/10/2023 21:57

No We certainly did not and no we did never ask for rent. It's their home too.

Magicmama92 · 29/10/2023 22:26

No.
And only rent if they can actually afford that. And not over the top with it.
They are still your kids at 18 and they always will be.
Why unless they are a problem behaviourly would you even think to ask about kicking them out 😔

Magicmama92 · 29/10/2023 22:28

What the hell.
You do not ask your child to cover the mortgage because your partner lost their jobs go look for work and tell your partner to.
Your child isn't your money factory 😭 what is wrong with you

AngryPrincess · 29/10/2023 22:33

Nope. ( I like my kids)

Cheshiresun · 29/10/2023 22:44

No, although in the late 90's myself and most friends I knew went to Uni and never returned to the family home!

Once earning I would charge a token "keep". There needs to be some cut of though, I have a cousin who is still in his parents' house at 40 and is a total slob and just takes from his parents and does nothing to help.

AuntMarch · 30/10/2023 06:12

No, especially not with the current cost of living.
I'll ask for a contribution to expenses when DC is working full time.
(When/if he works part time first I'd expect him to pay for more of his own things, but not "rent")

mustardrarebit · 30/10/2023 10:37

Absolutely not! First of all, they're likely to still be studying. Secondly, I signed up for life, not 18 years.

My brother is mid-30's owns his own (currently uninhabitable and a long term refurbishment project) home. He's studying to be a very highly qualified professional, so the refurbishment project is on the back burner and he and his partner live with my parents, rent free. They pay towards bills and food, do their share of the chores and pet care etc. My parents have only ever supported them and will continue to do so until they are able to move out.

My SIL has a job that takes her all over the world, but home is at her parent's house.

Both sets of parents are great role models.