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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 26/10/2023 07:26

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

They get a reduced student loan as it's assumed their parents aren't charging them full rent. Paying towards bills seems fair (I wouldn't though unless I couldn't afford it and would otherwise take a lodger)

Sparehair · 26/10/2023 07:26

I realised I don’t really understand what post university life looks like now. I graduated mid 1990s and the vast vast majority of my peers moved to a biggish city and started work while living in a flatshare- the lucky bastards whose parents lived in London stayed at home but for most of us the grad jobs weren’t where our parents lived so we didn’t really have a choice but to move out, even if the first few years were break even and the flat was a hovel. Now I guess a lot of grad jobs are at least partly Wfh so living at home longer is more feasible, but hell, wfh from your parents house isn’t what I’d imagine the average 21 year old wants to be doing. Also isn’t there a risk that you kind of get stuck in your home town without really making a conscious decision to do it, just because it’s where the free house is?

maybe I’m just thinking about this because where we live there are a few grad employers but not loads and it’s not exactly the centre of the universe.

samupnorth · 26/10/2023 07:28

Once DC are working I’ll be expecting them to pay towards food (we spend a huge amount on food shopping as we all have expensive tastes ) I don’t think I’ll ask for rent as they will no doubt be saving for a house deposit of their own.

dicedicebaby · 26/10/2023 07:30

Just saw the follow up post about student loan.

There was a post on here a few months ago when a mother who struggled to make ends meet had a child going to the local uni and living at home. Child benefit was ending and she was worried about the cost of living, and people on here said it was perfectly acceptable to ask for some money from the student loan towards costs. I think in those circumstances it's acceptable.

Yes, the student loan is less for those living at home, but it's not that much less than normal, and a student living at home would have more disposable income than if they were paying 5-6k a year in rent.

SayYesToTheWrapDress · 26/10/2023 07:32

I paid rent as soon as I got a weekend job, so at 16.

I moved out at 21.

I won't be expecting my children to pay rent at 16, nor move out at 21 (unless they are ready and want to).

itsgettingweird · 26/10/2023 07:32

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Everyone's situation is different.

If you need a contribution then it's perfectly fine to ask if they've finished education under 19 and you've lost UC income or similar for them. They don't suddenly stop costing you because they finish FT education!

Their loan is to help them pay living costs and if they choose to stay home for uni and not live in halls then it can contribute towards that.

It's very easy for people to say no and no if financially they can afford to do and say that.

clpsmum · 26/10/2023 07:33

No of course not

Thomasina79 · 26/10/2023 07:34

My late mother sold the family home when I was that age making me homeless. I never forgave her. 18 is so very young still. I have been insecure all my life because of it. If you want to ruin the relationship with your adult children this is the way to do it.

JustKen · 26/10/2023 07:36

Because DD was born in early September she's 18 at the beginning of Y13. She's not got enough means to move out because she's at school still! If she had a full time job I still wouldn't kick he out but I'd ask for a contribution to living costs but a token amount that's all. She's my DD and I love her, why would I want her to leave?

Twentypastfour · 26/10/2023 07:36

They’re likely still at school when they turn 18 unless they are born in August, or in Scotland… but even then, presumably they’re then headed for university soon (so absolutely can’t pay rent at home as well) or are just starting to get a job and are in the first few weeks.

I’m not against adult children paying rent particularly if it motivates them to save or to work more hours / get a better job. I’ve seen parents I know have to resort to charging rent to get their children to even job search - and then it turned out well because their children have never been out of work since. But at 18, when the likelihood is they will still be in full time education, seems cruel.

Purplerain0505 · 26/10/2023 07:37

I was asked to move out a few months after I turned 18, when I finished my A-levels. My mum had recently had to move house and there wasn’t space for me to live there. I didn’t mind at all, just did what we had to do and made sure there was room for my younger siblings.

I’ve only got one child myself so I don’t expect to be asking him to move out at 18 as we’ll have space. But we’ll be charging him rent once he’s out of education.

shockwaze · 26/10/2023 07:38

No way!

PerspiringElizabeth · 26/10/2023 07:38

No and no. But the eldest is 8 so haven’t thought hugely about it. I imagine they will travel, want independence etc. Hopefully!

Yoyooo · 26/10/2023 07:39

No, I will ask for 25-50% of their salary to be handed over to save though if they are in full time employment and they will need to pay for their own car/phone.

Tumbleweed101 · 26/10/2023 07:40

My daughter is 23yr and still living at home. I supported her until she finished college. She opted not to go to uni so I asked her to replace the tax credit amount I lost at 18 from her job. She now earns more than me so I expect her to contribute her share to rent and bills.

pointythings · 26/10/2023 07:41

No and no. I have youngest here for a year - he works part time and gets PIP. I have stopped his monthly payment as a result and he gets one in three food shops in, but I wouldn't ask for rent as this is his home.

Glassofwino · 26/10/2023 07:42

I have just graduated from six years of university, I lived at home for three years and I gave my mum £200 per month out of my loan which was a small amount as I got the maximum because she is a single parent and with two adult children in university and she really needed it, she always says how she feels guilty she had to do that. So I think if you can survive without great but if you need a small contribution you shouldn’t feel guilty. I felt lucky to be able to study as long as I did to be in my dream job

Gummybear23 · 26/10/2023 07:42

No and no.

Break my heart to say to my 18 you have to leave.

Are you struggling? Has your over 18 got a job where they can contribute a little.

Twiglets1 · 26/10/2023 07:43

No as at 18 they were going to Uni & still financially dependent on us to a large degree.

My son still lives at home at 25 but he pays rent to us now as has a full time job.

Isthisrealorjustfantasy · 26/10/2023 07:46

No, DD went straight to uni
DS worked for a year after school and saved for uni - we don’t need the money and he did.
If/when they both come back after uni & work then I’ll expect rent to be paid. They will never be chucked out but I’m not sure they really will want to live back home for long as will prefer freedom
of house sharing.

Nottodaty · 26/10/2023 07:48

My eldest is at uni, she will be moving back home next year. We have said she is obviously welcome and she will look for work. We have said she doesn’t have to pay rent BUT - she is already a saver and is very cautious. Also we don’t need the money (currently) - we have said she will have to pay towards food or buy her own. And expected to help around the house.

My niece is undecided with what she wants to do after college, low income family. She is working FT, they live rurally and petrol and costs quite higher. My sister really struggling with loss of child benefit etc. She wishes she didn’t have to ask but financially needs to.

Ellmau · 26/10/2023 07:48

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?
No, the loan is to cover living expenses so it is appropriate to use some of it on rent, bills and food even if living at home.

But the loan is lower for those living at home precisely because the student isn't expected to pay rent.

FrenchandSaunders · 26/10/2023 07:48

At just 18 most are still in 6th form. How could they possibly move out!

I have one DD still at home (22) and she pays me towards food etc. Only fair if they’re working full time.

Countdown2023 · 26/10/2023 07:49

I paid for my kids accommodation at uni. Student loan doesn’t go far.

User5512 · 26/10/2023 07:50

No. I hope my house will remain a “home” to my children as long as DH/I are alive. I hope to be able to provide a roof over their head, food and a warm comfortable bed in my house whenever they need, for however long they need. My parents have done this for me and my siblings, and I think it is priceless. I’m very very grateful.
I know this is a privilege and I want to work hard to be in a position to afford this.

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