Page 14 | Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

CheshireCat1 · 27/10/2023 00:42

Definitely not, I didn’t take rent either, they all moved out when they earned enough and saved enough for a deposit to buy their own. They all went to local universities and worked weekends.

ButWhatIsIt · 27/10/2023 00:55

Mine could live with me for the rest of their lives if they wanted to.
As it is, they're married adults now, however, if god forbid, their marriages failed they know the door is always open to them for as long as I'm alive.
I used to take a small amount in board once they began full time employment.
Kids don't come with a time limit as far as I'm concerned.

saffy2 · 27/10/2023 07:47

If they’re in full time education they can live here as they were doing. If they’re working I will ask for rent money.
I can’t bear the thought of them all living at home to their 30s 😂 but at 18 I’m happy for them to still be at home, although I would expect mine will be off the university shortly after turning 18.

saffy2 · 27/10/2023 07:48

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

No I would not ever ask my child to pay for my entire mortgage. You husband needs to get a job asap, supermarkets are always hiring.

greyhairnomore · 27/10/2023 09:03

You want your son to have no spare money ? What's he supposed to live on ?

greyhairnomore · 27/10/2023 09:04

@parateach is there a reason you don't have a job ? Is your husband looking for a new job ?

greyhairnomore · 27/10/2023 09:05

Sorry , I see you have a job.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 27/10/2023 09:09

greyhairnomore · 27/10/2023 09:05

Sorry , I see you have a job.

I was confused by this too. OP says they are now on a “single income” but is she talking about her own income or her son’s? Because if OP is working, it even strengthens the argument not to take her son’s entire wage (not that it ever even was much of a debate in the first place).

Even if OP is in work and on a low income, why would her son need to cover the entire mortgage? Why isn’t her husband able to also take on a low income job? Why would her son moving out fix the £800 shortfall? None of it makes sense.

Duechristmas · 27/10/2023 09:35

Number 1 went to uni and didn't come back but we've made it clear that if she needed to she's welcome.
Number 2 doesn't pay rent because she's a uni student but will be expected to once she graduates.
I paid 'housekeeping' at 18 when I got my first full time job and will expect the same of my kids past graduation.
I could never ask my child to leave especially when the housing market is as dire as it is.

Beezknees · 27/10/2023 09:36

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 27/10/2023 09:09

I was confused by this too. OP says they are now on a “single income” but is she talking about her own income or her son’s? Because if OP is working, it even strengthens the argument not to take her son’s entire wage (not that it ever even was much of a debate in the first place).

Even if OP is in work and on a low income, why would her son need to cover the entire mortgage? Why isn’t her husband able to also take on a low income job? Why would her son moving out fix the £800 shortfall? None of it makes sense.

Show quote history

I assume that by single income OP just means her salary. Her DS has a student loan.

Duechristmas · 27/10/2023 09:40

happinessischocolate · 27/10/2023 00:03

Nope

My sons friend got kicked out when he turned 18 so he lives with us now.

He'd be on the streets otherwise as the council won't help him.

He's lovely, works, pays lodging and helps round the house.

I would do the same, we've provided emergency short term accommodation for a few kids along the way. My parents did it for my brother's friend when I was growing up. My kids knew from 13 that if their friends had nowhere to go they should invite them to our house.

StopRainingOrElse · 27/10/2023 09:45

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

This is a truly shocking idea! Your DH needs to get another job and if you're bringing in less than £800 why don't you look for something better too?! If I were your son I'd think about moving out and taking my student loan with me away from my grabby parents. Seriously.

TripleDaisySummer · 27/10/2023 09:46

It's odd I was on another thread where a poster was expecting her 24 DD to move out of her rented house and move in to pay the mother's mortgage.

I know my DP and IL in 60s had to hand over their entire wages and then get given a portion back - but they never did that to any of their children.

I wouldn't expect our 18 year to help with the mortgage I'd be talking to the bank first - if it really was short term issue I might ask for temp help with some rent amount but not £800 but that would be very last resort and I'd try and pay it back over time.

Our kids know they can come back and stop - past their 20 and finishing their education we may move somewhere smaller but I image we'd always try and help them out.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 27/10/2023 09:52

@TripleDaisySummer this reminds me of a family I know, who actively prevent their adult children from moving out because they have them in permanent “rent arrears”. They have to pay their rent and the “arrears” and are pretty much left with nothing afterwards.

Pezdeoro41 · 27/10/2023 09:55

Maraudingmarauders · 26/10/2023 00:34

18 is a very arbitrary line.
For me with my parents the options for living at home were full time education for free, or working and paying rent. Didn't matter on age.

This was the same for me. My parents made it clear there would always be a place for me if I needed a roof over my head but that I was expected to stand on my own two feet post 18 and if at home contribute (not a huge amount, just a contribution to costs). I did not in any way feel pushed out. Adult birds have to lure their chicks out of the nest and get them to fly! I think endless provision of a free place to live with all comforts covered, while kind, sometimes can discourage making that leap out into the real world. There’s a balance to be struck.

Gruntsandgroans · 27/10/2023 10:00

No. I don't expect either of them will move out at 18. We have 3 universities a bus ride away and live in a country with a massive housing crisis. My eldest who is 16 is planning on going to uni in our nearest city and commuting from home. I don't know what our 14 year will do yet but she is more than welcome go stay for as long as she needs to.

I was abused as a kid and has to make my own way completely independent of anyone from 17. It was hard, it was shit. Looking back I was just a scared kid. I would never put either of my kids in the position where they feel alone or feel unwelcome at home. This is our home. I will hopefully give them the tools that they will need to thrive when they do leave but I will never force them to.

vickylou78 · 27/10/2023 13:48

Are you saying you want your son to give you almost his whole student loan? NO that's not reasonable!
Some contribution towards food may be suitable if you are struggling financially but I imagine really his student loan should be used for your sons expenses (food, travel to college/uni, clothes, books, shoes, toiletries, phone, lunch for college etc.)
Are you working? Can your husband get any benefits while he looks for a new job?
If it helps, my parents wouldn't of charged me proper rent until I was out of education and had a full time job.

H12345 · 28/10/2023 07:24

I’d personally never ask my children to leave until they are ready. Plus will always make sure they have a room to return home if needed.

When the kids start working I would charge a small amount of rent and secretly save it for them for when they move out or need some funds for travelling etc will be a nice surprise for them all!

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 28/10/2023 07:41

No never! Unless there are extreme behaviours/ relationship breakdowns , I'd never dream of it.
We do take some money from our DD who works and gets a decent wage, but we are fortunate enough to be able to put that aside for her.

Jem123456789 · 28/10/2023 11:30

Are you joking? At 18 they are still basically children. They would never be earning enough to move out! My two are 22 and 20 and still in education whilst working part time. They don’t pay me anything. When they are on good salaries I will take money to put away for them as a deposit but these days they need all the help they can get from parents.

YouJustDoYou · 28/10/2023 11:32

Fuck no, as long as they're still respectful of the house, I hope they never move out, I love being with them

Dillydollydingdong · 28/10/2023 12:01

No, of course not. Why bring them up til age 18, then abandon them!? They're still your children.

Biscuitsarelife1 · 28/10/2023 16:47

no and no

PurpleStar22 · 28/10/2023 20:25

My DS is 11. He can live with me for the rest of my life if he wants to. He will pay rent when he has a job and not before.

ScartlettSole · 28/10/2023 20:57

I paid "dig money" to my parents when i started working near enough full time so about 15 years old. I was still at school but worked and earned a decent amount for the time (£200 a week i think). When i got a better job i started paying £40 a week. Obvs i was still at school but i could still afford to run a car, go out all weekend every weekend so least i could do was contribute. I moved out, through choice, at 18.
Its a lot different now. My oldest is 26 and moved out at 19 into my old flat. She pays all bills etc but i dont charge her rent as theres no mortgage on it.