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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
Xsxjxmx · 26/10/2023 12:21

They can stay as long as they please as long as they respect my rules, work if they aren't in full time education and pay their way/don't expect me to pay for them like I did when they where a child/dependant. I'd also not expect complaints about their room size/sharing or anything house related cos if you're going to moan you can always leave lol.

Heelenahandbasket · 26/10/2023 12:21

UrsulaBelle · 26/10/2023 10:36

My DS2 who lived at home during uni, and received the full loan due to my income being low, yes I did ask for some money towards bills and food. If he’d been living away he’d have had to pay for accommodation, bills and food. I didn’t make a profit out of him, but I couldn’t afford to keep him otherwise.

Show quote history

He gets the full loan because you’re not supposed to contribute. He still gets it at a living at home rate - it doesn’t take into account living costs. That’s pretty bad taking money from your kids. I’m a single mum and would starve before I asked my kids for money from their student loans.

DinosApple · 26/10/2023 12:22

I would not ask them to move out at 18.
I would ask for money towards keep from when they were earning a full time wage. Whether that is 18 or 21.

If they did uni and lived at home I would not expect to receive any student loan for their keep.

I guess that it would cost me less in subbing them though (one household being cheaper to run than two on the same wage).

CurlewKate · 26/10/2023 12:23

Mine lived with us until they wanted to move out. We didn't ask for rent/keep because we didn't need to. If we had needed to, we would have done as soon as they were earning.

MeridaBrave · 26/10/2023 12:24

Is this a troll? My daughter turned 18 at the start of year 13, how would she have paid rent or finished her A levels??

In the UK unless you have a summer birthday will still be at school when turn 18.

And no, she is now 20 at uni and I am paying her rent.

CurlewKate · 26/10/2023 12:25

Oh, and PLEASE don't take rent money and save it for them. It's so patronising and infantilising.

Completelywornout · 26/10/2023 12:27

I didn’t request my son to move out, although he was doing drugs and inviting girls around often which came to a stop once my partner moved in, so he had a big issue with that. I also told him he had to start paying keep as I couldn’t afford to keep him any longer and he took it upon himself to move out (he ended up in a hostel as was homeless but refused to come home 😞)
he lives with his gfs parents now and has his own child, works full time in a good paid job, but struggling to get a home for themselves due to the increase in rent at present. I’ve spoken to him about moving closer to me or staying in mine (he dog sits for me when we go on holiday) but he said it’s too far to get to work 👎🏼 my only wish is that they manage to find a place of their own soon

Dressinginmygown · 26/10/2023 12:27

No and no.

We are supporting our dc through uni and will probably do this until they are 21/22 if not longer.

Mumof2teens79 · 26/10/2023 12:30

parateach · 26/10/2023 11:16

Thank you for your answers.
My husband lost his job so we are down to a single income. It's not enough to pay the mortgage (£800).

I would like to ask my son to pay the mortgage, but he only gets 800 gbp a month. So he would contribute the whole amount or 700 at the lowest.
He still managed to use some of his money for himself when I asked for a smaller contribution - he bought himself a camera for his course, paid for the expenses around site visits (for his course as well) and a 2 week long vacation to Asia.

Edited

So how will asking him to move out help you?
And what does his age have to do with it?

If he is a student and the 800/month is his loan?? Then you can ask for a reasonable amount of rent, but if you ask too much he has every right to move out and pay less elsewhere.

It's not his fault your OH lost his job

Completelywornout · 26/10/2023 12:33

Heelenahandbasket · 26/10/2023 12:21

He gets the full loan because you’re not supposed to contribute. He still gets it at a living at home rate - it doesn’t take into account living costs. That’s pretty bad taking money from your kids. I’m a single mum and would starve before I asked my kids for money from their student loans.

Show quote history

I understand completely where @UrsulaBelle is coming from. If you physically cannot afford to keep your child at home what are you supposed to do? It’s ok saying you’d starve but that’s not a feasible solution. If your child is going out every weekend spending money on booze and you’re struggling to feed both yourself and then how is that fair? Kids, no matter how old they are, need to understand that living doesn’t come for free.
I applaud any parent that can afford to keep paying for their adult child and wish I were in the same position but not all of us are

Riverlee · 26/10/2023 12:34

No! (Replying to op’s title question)

Frith2013 · 26/10/2023 12:40

Of course not, they were both still at school.

How bizarre.

Fishandchipsatthebeach · 26/10/2023 12:40

Absolutely not!

although once DC in full time work I would expect a contribution towards food & bills - even if just a token amount to get them used to managing money

Jayne35 · 26/10/2023 12:47

Oh, and PLEASE don't take rent money and save it for them. It's so patronising and infantilising.

I so agree with this, either take money towards bills (and keep it all) or don't! If they choose to waste all their income and not save it's their choice, working adults aren't babies who need you to save their pocket money for them.

Private1980 · 26/10/2023 12:53

Haha my son had a gf and at 18 I said your going have to start paying board I said £30 a fortnight his gf was he pretty much everyday to so was feeding her to he then said well my gf mum said I can stay there for I said OK that's fair enough let me know what you decide he decides to move out so I got him all the boxes he needed and helped him move out haha within 6 months him mil started charging them £100 per month and they buy there own meals 🤣 and does all his own washing and cleaning for the whole house backfired a bit 🤣

Ponderingwindow · 26/10/2023 12:56

Your husband could get a job working fast food tomorrow and have enough money to pay the mortgage next month.

I have trouble believing your first solution to the problem was to take money from your child instead of finding work, any work.

your son will probably be better off finding student housing that is available year round. This is what I did when my parents’s personal drama ramped up while I was at university.

skyeisthelimit · 26/10/2023 12:57

DD should still be at college at 18, so no, she won't be asked to pay anything then, although I will lose the single person council tax discount then :(

If she goes to uni, then she still won't be asked to pay, as she won't be here, but she will have to finance herself through uni as I won't be able to afford to give her much due to the mortgage taking priority over everything else.

DD will have a home here for as long as she wants, but once working, she will have to pay a decent amount to live here.

You can ask him to pay a decent amount , but you cannot ask him to pay the mortgage, he is not responsible for that, you and your DH are.

Ponderingwindow · 26/10/2023 13:03

Jayne35 · 26/10/2023 12:47

Oh, and PLEASE don't take rent money and save it for them. It's so patronising and infantilising.

I so agree with this, either take money towards bills (and keep it all) or don't! If they choose to waste all their income and not save it's their choice, working adults aren't babies who need you to save their pocket money for them.

I don’t think it’s their choice to not save though, not as long as they are living in a parent’s home. An adult who has entered the work world and has the opportunity to live cheaply needs to be saving. Parenting doesn’t stop when someone turns 18. I would argue that they should be paying “rent” and expected to save independently at an agreed upon rate as a condition of living in the home.

how often do you see young adults bemoaning how hard it is to buy a home. Yes, prices are astronomical. Those first few years of adulthood living at home and earning are too precious to waste. Saving needs to be intense. If the person isn’t bothering to save, they might as well move out and have the perks of independent living.

DottyLottieLou · 26/10/2023 13:18

No
They pay a contribution if they are working.

Beezknees · 26/10/2023 13:22

No, I will not ask him to move out at 18, or at any age to be honest until he wants to.

If he goes to uni as he intends to then obviously he will not pay rent. If he chooses to come back home after uni and get a job then yes he will be expected to contribute to bills.

Holly03 · 26/10/2023 13:24

No I wouldn’t request at 18. I moved out at 19 myself and struggled too much and lived a different life to others. My friend who was more equipped as she was a care leaver had to teach me how to manage money and run a house. Things I value to this day as I was never taught any cooking skills or anything at home so I really wasn’t ever equipped to move into my own property nor was it affordable then, no chance now with the price of rent

Hipnotised · 26/10/2023 13:29

No re moving out or rent, they can't pay me and save up to move out at the same time.

Housenoob · 26/10/2023 13:58

Absolutely not, and absolutely not, in answer to both OPs questions.

At 18 they will be in school. They will then most likely go to uni. I will help support them through uni and if they choose to come back and live at home afterwards, then once they have a full time job I will ask for a very small amount per month towards bills. This is more to help them budget and manage money.

LadyPenelope68 · 26/10/2023 14:51

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

Yes, I wouldn’t ask for rent if they were studying still. A student loan is low as it is without parents taking rent from it.

LadyPenelope68 · 26/10/2023 14:52

Hipnotised · 26/10/2023 13:29

No re moving out or rent, they can't pay me and save up to move out at the same time.

This exactly is our view.