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Original poster

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

404 replies

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:27

Will you/did you request for your child to move out when they turn 18

And if not, will you request rent?

Thank you

OP posts:
Bluebellsbells · 28/10/2023 21:05

Completely unreasonable you can't bleed your son dry to solve your problems. A similar scenario happened with my fil who was asked to pay his parents mortgage. It screwed him over so much, he couldn't get a home of his own with his finance and ended up renting and paying a mortgage!

Your husband needs to get a job. If he can't get a job within his skill set a job at Tesco will be more than £800 per month!

Don't put this burden on your son it's cruel, it could wreck his chances at uni, it's money he has to pay back, so you are effectively asking him to pay double once to you and once to the government, it could build some serious resentment and your issue here is your husband- he needs to get a job!

Don't do this it's so so cruel

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 28/10/2023 21:09

No! They are still my children.

Bluebellsbells · 28/10/2023 21:33

Also there is no where in your post where you say you will give him the money back. If you are going to charge him all if not almost all of his student loan to fix your problems, surely you would want to pay him back?! Because this isn't a fair agreement you are making- so why on earth should he help you out!!

Mumof2girls2121 · 28/10/2023 21:34

Definitely not.
but yes if they are earning I will expect them to contribute to their upkeep!

CowboyJoanna · 28/10/2023 21:39

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I would highly encourage them to move out or look for places as soon as they can. Not like, |"here's your stuff off you go and don't come back", but we're raising the kids to be self-sufficient and they will not mooch off us.

We love them and we'll always be there for them, but we're not their friends, we're their parents. And a parent's role is to raise a child ready for the big big world.

Alana1983 · 28/10/2023 21:41

Nope. I was the youngest of a gaggle of children and the last to leave home. I was 26 then, I found it really difficult to be honest as all of my siblings had settled down in relationships etc and I felt completely lost and alone, I also struggled financially and would never have been able to afford to live independently except maybe in a house share. As it happens, this was when I met someone and settled down so to speak.

My sister has two boys, one is 30 and the other 28, and they are both in the process of buying houses, one has saved £200k and the other has saved £120k (and so has his partner) so are both buying without mortgages because they have lived with her and this has allowed them to save up beyond anything you could imagine really.

I would like to think I could help my children out in a way similar to this.

I don't want to be waiting on them hand and foot into their 30s but we have the space and so they are welcome to stay but on the proviso that they save!

ImNotARegularMumImACoolMum · 28/10/2023 21:52

I’m not really sure what the logic is behind wanting children to move out at 18? Most 18 year olds would surely still be in full time education?

I think charging a portion of bills/ rent is reasonable once they start employment as it helps with the cost of living and also helps them with money management

Fordian · 28/10/2023 22:35

Only in dysfunctional, desperate households does anyone chuck a child out at 18.

Bunnylove19 · 28/10/2023 23:30

I wouldn’t ask for money from their student loan. Only for a contribution when in full time work.

NickL22 · 29/10/2023 00:40

Unbelievably cruel. Student loans are hardly enough for them to live on as it is. My daughter is 21 and I won't ask for anything until she is earning decent money, maybe not even then.

Thistlelass · 29/10/2023 01:49

parateach · 26/10/2023 00:49

Would you consider asking for rent out of their student loan cruel?

I would not have asked for rent as there is a legal duty to support while in full time education.

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 02:26

@Thistlelass 'I would not have asked for rent as there is a legal duty to support while in full time education.'

Err, no there isn't. At 18 a person is an adult and parents are no longer under any legal obligation to support them.

Are you confusing it with child support payments by NRPs which are expected to continue until 20 if they are in full time education?

SparkleToes79 · 29/10/2023 06:15

mine are all still younger than 10 but I’ve always said I’d let them stay with me as long as they want or need to. If they’re working I’d encourage paying a small amount of rent to tech them a bit about budgeting. I’d save that money for them to use for their own house deposit though while encouraging them to save up alongside.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 08:41

Thistlelass · 29/10/2023 01:49

I would not have asked for rent as there is a legal duty to support while in full time education.

Show quote history

There is no legal duty to support a child through university.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 08:42

MintJulia · 29/10/2023 02:26

@Thistlelass 'I would not have asked for rent as there is a legal duty to support while in full time education.'

Err, no there isn't. At 18 a person is an adult and parents are no longer under any legal obligation to support them.

Are you confusing it with child support payments by NRPs which are expected to continue until 20 if they are in full time education?

Edited

Until 20 is for college education, not university. There is no obligation for NRPs to pay maintenance for an 18 year old at university.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 08:47

NickL22 · 29/10/2023 00:40

Unbelievably cruel. Student loans are hardly enough for them to live on as it is. My daughter is 21 and I won't ask for anything until she is earning decent money, maybe not even then.

To be fair, many of us don't have a choice. If my DS is living at home, working and earning decent money I'm not going to financially support him, I'm a single adult myself and I can't afford to! He will certainly be expected to pay towards bills.

DilemmaWithTwins · 29/10/2023 08:54

Of course not! Still a kid!

supadupapupascupa · 29/10/2023 09:04

I won't no

I was asked to leave on my 18th birthday because I wouldn't sleep with my step dad. He just kicked me out. Mum didn't stop him.

It's going to feel raw when mine get to that age

familyissues12345 · 29/10/2023 09:21

No definitely not!

I have one past that age and one not yet there (15)

Eldest (20) is currently at Uni, where we pay his rent - he pays his bills/living costs.

We expect him to come home short term once Uni finishes, and we may choose to charge him a small amount of rent, but I expect unless our circumstances change, we will probably save that money.

I was charged rent at the same age, which I was happy with. It was a fairly nominal amount I seem to remember.

I then moved out with my then boyfriend and ended up pregnant at 22. The relationship broke down quickly (he was a dick) so I moved back home. I went back to work when DS was 3 months old (he came to work with me - nursery)

My parents charged me a large amount of rent. Now I appreciate that's their right, but they charged me so much that there was no way I was ever going to be in a position to save to move out (I had to use the rest of my money to feed and support us both). Don't get me wrong, I was grateful that they put a roof over my head, but it almost felt a bit controlling - like they were making sure we couldn't make a life for ourselves away from them. Financially they didn't need that money either. It was the principle to them (they were very honest about that)

It left me with a distorted view of charging your children rent. I always swore I'd never put my own children in that same position - not that I wouldn't charge them anything at all, but a realistic amount so that the young person can work to make themselves independent.

For clarity, they took about 75% of my wages.

HGNewMum · 29/10/2023 09:21

I’m the oldest of three and my mum charged me and my husband (then boyfriend) rent when we came back from uni and we’re working. However it was only £100 each (as that covered her £200 a month mortgage) and we paid for our own food. Neither of my younger sisters came back after uni so I was the only one that paid rent but I do think it was fair and would have paid much more as both me and my husband went straight into healthcare jobs after uni so got paid more than my mum did. Also, if we were renting somewhere we’d never have saved up enough for a house as quickly as we did! Very grateful we could stay with her and would happily have paid more rent if she’d let me! I think post uni and with a good job is a bit different from just turned 18 though

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/10/2023 09:45

Wtf NO way .

Is there a new parent in the mix . If not what is the thought process behind throwing your child out ?

springtome · 29/10/2023 10:54

No I wouldn’t ask them to move out just because they turn 18. They will both still be in college then.

I will ask for rent when they are no longer in Education and hopefully working.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 29/10/2023 10:58

Also if they In education or some sort of training I would support them through this . ( I have twice ) Once you do that as a parent they are then ready and financially stable to manage on their own when “they”choose .

Im not a MN high earner so this is in no way to do with my financial position and I bet it’s not for most either its just what you do as a parent .

I do seriously wonder why some people have children !

Bluebellsbells · 29/10/2023 12:23

No one is reading all of OPs updates. She doesn't want to charge her son a fair amount- she wants all (all!) of his monthly student loan to pay her £800 mortgage!

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 29/10/2023 12:56

Bluebellsbells · 29/10/2023 12:23

No one is reading all of OPs updates. She doesn't want to charge her son a fair amount- she wants all (all!) of his monthly student loan to pay her £800 mortgage!

And hasn’t appeared since the unanimous “wtf” responses.

I don’t think OP is reading the updates anymore. I just hope for the son’s sake that OP and her husband have taken the feedback on board!

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