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Original poster

Endless present buying for friend’s DC

530 replies

Whenisone · 10/10/2023 12:22

Old school friend has 4 DC ranging from 5 to 13. Her husband is a very high earner, she is a stay at home mum. She is a lovely person and I do care very much about her.

However, since her DC were born I have religiously bought them birthday and Christmas gifts. Friend usually reminds me a couple of weeks in advance and says what they’d like, the budget has gradually crept up and the presents usually cost £20-30.

Issue is that I have 1 DC. Friend totally forgot my DC’s birthday last year, and has just forgotten again. For Christmas last year she gave DC a selection box. I spent £200+ on presents for her DC through the year.

Last night we were chatting and she said she’d send me her DCs’ Christmas list. I said that I was just planning on sending some sweets for the DC. My friend went quiet then burst into tears and said that her DC really look forward to opening their presents from me, and are already excited about it. They don’t have any grandparents so don’t have many external presents.

So I agreed to keep buying, but I really don’t want to. I can afford it but I resent the expectation and lack of effort for my own DC. Am I just being mean? How do I get out of this and keep my friend?

OP posts:
Banana1979 · 15/10/2023 11:12

I don’t understand why you have even written this post when you have completely ignored what everyone has said -you are pushing back what everyone is saying -stating that your friend would be mortified if you told her - then just do nothing then and keep buying the presents I don’t get why you posted in here? You have said several occasions that you are not going to mention about her forgetting your DC gift, that she is lovely blah blah
your post is entitled endless present which means you feel resented by it. If you can’t see what everyone is saying, then you need help to be honest.
you haven’t even replied much in here, so I guess it’s something you’re just going to have to live with. If you like being walked all over then go ahead just stop posting if you’re not going to listen to what anyone says

AutumnCrow · 15/10/2023 12:42

Banana1979 · 15/10/2023 11:12

I don’t understand why you have even written this post when you have completely ignored what everyone has said -you are pushing back what everyone is saying -stating that your friend would be mortified if you told her - then just do nothing then and keep buying the presents I don’t get why you posted in here? You have said several occasions that you are not going to mention about her forgetting your DC gift, that she is lovely blah blah
your post is entitled endless present which means you feel resented by it. If you can’t see what everyone is saying, then you need help to be honest.
you haven’t even replied much in here, so I guess it’s something you’re just going to have to live with. If you like being walked all over then go ahead just stop posting if you’re not going to listen to what anyone says

Edited

Five days ago I wrote, 'Oh well just carry on then.'

Looks the OP did, and will. I'd suggest posters not waste any further time on this ... whatever it is.

readyspaghetti · 18/10/2023 04:32

What about the husband’s parents… are they in the picture? Shame you haven’t updated. I think it’s not a good friend to expect you to do this. She needs to sort out her own family situation and not keep sponging gifts off you.

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YerArseInParsley · 07/12/2023 02:13

That was the time to point out the differences between your child's presents and hers.

Sceptre86 · 08/12/2023 03:12

You are being a wet blanket and should have reminded her that she doesn't reciprocate in the same way for your child and that the cost was getting out of hand. Instead you've been guilt tripped and backtracked.

The key to gifting is in my view sticking to your budget and only spending how much you want to without it causing you resentment.

She's a CF and you are being daft. Put your own kid first and be firm.

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