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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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Flora991 · 07/10/2023 11:51

We had similar issues at first - our 3yo doesn’t like anything resembling tomato sauce and nursery serve beans with everything dinner wise. I had to send in backup dinners on the beans days but they’ve had a new intake of kids now so they’ve changed the veg they’re serving. I found letting her cut food with her own knife helped her try more things. Also she’s started eating stuff at nursery she won’t even look at at home just because the other kids are eating itl
. I’ve bought the same stuff after to cook at home and she won’t touch it but inhales it at nursery. We send in flavoured rice crackers with lunch box as the snacky element - good protein and there’s a few flavours, low salt. It’s a boring lunch, same every time but she doesn’t seem to care

Allyliz · 07/10/2023 13:07

I had a fussy eater it was hell as she ate such a restricted diet but I decided that making food an issue would cause more problems. For about 4 years all she would eat was weetabix with milk, banana, chocolate fromage frais, plain pasta, grapes, bread/toast no butter and ham. You can imagine the comments I got but I wrote a letter stating that she would only eat these items and I did not give my consent to them restricting her access to the food that I was providing. I made sure that there were no nuts and threatened ofstead if they refused to allow my child to eat her lunch. I pointed out that they were in breach of the official legislation 'the rights of a child'. By the time she was 10 she was eating a wide range of food and now at 30+ she is a healthy adult.

Lambretta54 · 07/10/2023 13:17

This is quite alarming. I would contact your health visitor for their input. They should be supporting you and your child, not making things worse. Sadly, i would also consider seek
advice from Ofsted. As others have said, i sincerely hope they offer snacks throughout the day. Call everyday after mealtimes to c what he has eaten and ask them to document it. Surely smoothies are far better for him than sugary desserts!! Perhaps a childminder would b a better option?

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Lambretta54 · 07/10/2023 13:45

A def smokescreen for lazy practices

ALittleDropOfRain · 07/10/2023 19:48

Mine was fussy between 2-6. It’s getting a lot better now. Part of this issue was he was so skinny (genetics/ sleep apnoea) he genuinely didn’t need much food so would hang on for something he really liked, even if it meant waiting most of the day. The sleep apnoea also gave him speech and chewing problems which persisted for three years after it had been operated away. It took a while to realise he really only ate soft food. Mine still won’t chew a carrot. If your child tends to have his mouth slightly open most of the time, this could be a symptom of breathing issues and also chewing issues. Treatment is available.

We we’re lucky with a very good kindergarten cook who made lots of tasty soups and creamy hidden vegetable sauces. As her stuff always tasted good, DS always tried it (after initial strikes of about 4 months)

An idea for you: For breakfast, one of the things I‘d send him in with was baked beans in my thermos coffee mug. I have one which keeps things warm for upto 12 hours. I also used it for cheesy pasta/ lentil soup when the cook was off for an extended period of time.

Would warm food served in this way be an option? Could you heat up leftovers from the previous night and put them in a super duper thermos?

(I kept the food veggie as wasn’t confident keeping meat warmish for 6 hours or so)

Another success at home was fake chocolate mousse. 3 bananas, half an avocado and a tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder. Blitzed in the blender. It’s the richest, sweetest chocolate mousse. I‘d sometimes add peanut butter or cinnamon.

Good luck!

Xdaisylh · 07/10/2023 20:04

Some children don’t drink water, my 7 year old hasn’t for years. 30° at school she still didn’t even sip her water. I send juice in, at least she’s had a drink. She also has a juice box in her packed lunch every day for the last few years and schools have never complained

T1Dmama · 07/10/2023 21:40

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 10:25

It isn’t ideal but a typical lunchbox will probably contain 3-4 sugary items e.g organix oat bar, bear yo-yo, innocent smoothie and a packet of Maryland cookies. As I say, I know this isn’t amazing but those are food items I know for a fact he will eat and when he’s there for 10 hours a day and only 3 years old, I need to know he’s eating enough.

As I said before, we tried him with the nursery meals but he flatly refused to eat anything all day at all. The nursery didn’t offer him an alternative such as plain toast so he went for 11 hours without eating a single thing.

This is the issue! I would raise a formal complaint that your child was allowed to go a whole 10 hours without food…. How hard would it be for them to offer him toast or a bagel instead of the slop they were serving? I would raise the complaint and insist on a meeting with the head nursery worker and literally say ‘if I was starving my child because he wouldn’t eat what I’d cooked for me and DH & sending him into nursery without an evening meal the night before or breakfast before coming would you or would you not involve social services and raise a neglect case??? So why do you deem it acceptable and not abusive for your staff to starve my son for TEN WHOLE HOURS?!…

I understand sugar must be making him hyper though, but surely hunger must be making him have melt downs??
Also could you see a doctor? When my brother refused to eat anything except pancakes my mum saw a doctor and he said as long as he’s eating it’s fine, just slowly introduce other things…. Maybe a doctor could write a note stating that son is better eating anything than nothing.

T1Dmama · 07/10/2023 21:44

And my mum did indeed serve up pancakes every day for breakfast and tea until my brother was sick of them he tried other food… as an adult he now eats pretty much everything. As do I. Who was also a veg refuser! Although I would eat grated raw carrot, just hated it cooked.

1mabon · 08/10/2023 16:08

Your child, you decide what he is to eat. Just tell them to stop it, if they do not, talk to the chairperson of the committee and put him/her right.

Swedemom · 09/10/2023 10:15

Just wanted to let OP and everybody else know about ARFID. Two of my kids has it, one of them really bad.

This condition means that my son (who has it the worst) will STARVE HIMSELF SICK rather than eat the “wrong” thing. He never eats vegetables, the only fruit he will eat sometimes is banana, he doesn’t eat soft bread and so on and so on. In the beginning he could go a whole day without eating at daycare and when that happened he wouldn’t eat at home either. Luckily he got his diagnosis and special food and since he was 4,5 years old he eats pasta and meatballs for lunch every day. He is now 9 and thriving. Yes, he’s neurodivergent but got diagnosed with AuDHD this year.

StarDolphins · 09/10/2023 10:20

I would be really upset at this. My DD wasn’t fussy & so got fruit but if I want to send choc fingers in, I want to make that decision myself.

What a world where nurseries & schools are policing what children have for lunch.

Bamb1 · 09/10/2023 20:57

The school my son goes to has similar rules regarding lunchboxes, one of his class mates is a very fussy eating and her parents were in a similar position to you. They went to the doctor and complained and the doctor wrote a note from them. Since then the school has allowed things in her lunchbox that are normally banned.

Also my oldest was very fussy to at that age. I used to put pesto pasta in his lunchbox alot to fill him up.

He hated fruit but I'd always put a peice of fruit in just in case!
He is 6 now and eats bananas, grapes and apples. And he will even eat cauliflower without me having to hide it in the food. So there is hope 😊

bgeebees · 09/10/2023 22:00

@Swedemom
I second this…ARFID is a strong possibility here. Not just down to fussy eating but a genuine problem for those children affected.

lilkitten · 02/11/2023 20:14

Swedemom · 09/10/2023 10:15

Just wanted to let OP and everybody else know about ARFID. Two of my kids has it, one of them really bad.

This condition means that my son (who has it the worst) will STARVE HIMSELF SICK rather than eat the “wrong” thing. He never eats vegetables, the only fruit he will eat sometimes is banana, he doesn’t eat soft bread and so on and so on. In the beginning he could go a whole day without eating at daycare and when that happened he wouldn’t eat at home either. Luckily he got his diagnosis and special food and since he was 4,5 years old he eats pasta and meatballs for lunch every day. He is now 9 and thriving. Yes, he’s neurodivergent but got diagnosed with AuDHD this year.

I hadn't heard of ARFID, I've just been looking into it, thank you. We've had problems with my 10yo since weaning, and we're down to about 3 main meal foods she will eat. Like the OP, she likes things in particular packets (homemade has always been difficult). We're trying and trying to get some way towards an assessment, it took several years and three official requests to get my son's assessment (and subsequent autism diagnosis) so I'm prepared for the battle. I've just been diagnosed with autism and ADHD myself, I know I was a difficult eater as a child too

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