Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

[Fussyeating]

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

It the very opposite of damaging!

Which research shows that it’s damaging for children to be with their primary caregivers for the majority of the time when they are under 5?

This is a bit hysterical.
No, social services would not investigate a parent offering a child meals and snacks every day if the child was fussy. Otherwise they'd be overwhelmed investigating families with toddlers.

Nursery removing sweets and high sugar foods from a lunch box when a child does have/eat sandwiches and crisps would absolutely not be a safeguarding issue.

@kamboozled it isn't modern to be with your child until 5. It also isn't damaging. Please don't worry.

Also yes to the AMA rural Japan!

This blew up and I’ve struggled to get back
up to date!

The nursery manager emailed me back to explain he is offered snacks but doesn’t often take them (I knew this because the snacks are usually fruit based). He is also offered a meal in the evening but again, won’t always eat it.

I looked through the menu which covered lunch and evening meals, there’s hardly anything on there he would eat. Bits and pieces from some meals but often just nothing at all. Last night he did eat it but it was beans on toast so that’s a classic DS meal. The majority of their meals are meat based which I find odd, there’s no alternative for veggies or kids who won’t eat certain types of meat.

I’ve bought a bento box and a flask and ok’d sending him in with a hot meal he will eat with the manager. I made Thai green curry last night for tea and he demolished it, even after the beans on toast at nursery so he does eat plenty of things a lot of kids would hate. It could be a sensory thing but I’m not sure, he’s ok with the texture of vegetables provided it isn’t just a single vegetable on a fork not mixed in with something else. Perhaps with fruit it is a texture thing.

Anyway, thank you all for your advice. I’ve taken it all on board and I’m grateful for the recipe ideas plus the flask/bento box idea. No other nurseries in the area have full availability as I expected and there doesn’t seem to be many childminders so I don’t have much option in that sense. He will be in FT school next September so it’s just a case of getting through to July.

Morning OP and thanks for clarifying things.

If your DS eats Thai green curry he should eat Thai red curry too. You can also do Thai/Far Eastern soups with noodles and vegetables mixed in which you just put in a plastic Sistema food/soup container.

I would maybe see a dietician (doctor may refer) to see what ideas they may have. Good luck!

Unfortunately don’t have a choice. DH works a regular 9-5 Monday-Friday job but I’m a uni lecturer and have more sporadic hours so the nursery hours fit around the days I’m on campus and hours DH can drop and collect. We have a mortgage/bills to pay and kids to feed so I can’t just sit around at home.

Career progress is important too. If I had chosen to sit out for 6 years until both DC were in FT school as an academic, this would fuck me over royally. Plus I lecture within humanities so I’d have found it incredibly hard/impossible to get a new job in the current climate. I’m lucky to have held onto my position as it stands, lots of colleagues lost their jobs over summer.

DC are doing well despite being in FT nursery from 1 onwards, both are well rounded individuals so I don’t think we have ruined them sending them to nursery. We don’t have relatives around to help because they either live too far away or still work FT. Obviously in an ideal world, we’d have the classic Granny on hand to come over and take care of them but we don’t so we do what we have to.

I work with early years (currently a childminder) and have looked after several.fussy eaters, including my own DS who is now 14. There is a a huge emphasis on healthy eating in schools and childcare settings but it's being taken too far if it's causing a child to go hungry all day. I'm surprised they suggested extra crisps, these are a high salt food and we should be limiting that just as much as high sugar foods.
I personally would have no problem with the Lunch you are sending, my own DSs packed lunches at school were similar, except with a cake bar rather than an oat bar! Luckily our primary school had a sensible approach to Lunch boxes, there were only a handful of restrictions.
Have you considered looking at childminders? You could maybe look into preschool for part of the day if you are wanting to keep him used to spending time in a larger setting but a CM with only 3 children at a time would probably be able to accommodate his diet more easily.
Alternatively can you send a hot meal to nursery that they can warm up? Or in a thermos to keep warm if they cant/wont reheat it?
That way he can have something he likes with some well hidden veggies and maybe the same desert as the other children?

Their focus seems to primarily surround sugar. Sugar is the demon but high fat/sodium items are acceptable. Not sure why, guessing it’s the healthy eating protocol. Absolutely fine with him having extra cheese and crisps but forget the oat bar or smoothie…

I’m sending him with a flask of curry on Monday plus some extra items in a bento box so will see how it pans out. Fingers crossed it’s ok from here on out.

He does love noodles so that’s a great idea, I’ll give it a go. I’m going to contact the GP for a referral although I’m pretty sure he’s generally ok with what he eats. I wish he’d eat more fruit but at least we can get him to eat veg within meals so that’s something!

My fruit dodgers love dried mango, we get it in a big packet l, then put into a little tub in the lunch box. Still high in sugar, in the same way raisins are, but less processed then yo-yo's.

Would nursery accept a second little box with an afternoon snack, and ask for them to give it when the other kids have fruit. Cheese and crackers maybe, so it's not seen as a sweet treat the other kids might get jealous of. The thing with a big lunch, is that 3yo will fill up on the sweet stuff, then leave the sandwiches. He won't have the planning an adult has, to eat more if it's a long time until tea, so he'll just eat his favourite bits, and stop when he's full.

A minor suggestion in the grand scheme of things but could you try chicken sausages if he eats chicken in other forms? I've never got on with the texture of veggie sausages so it may be the chicken ones are better.

I've got a fussy 3 year old too. It sounds like yours actually eats quite well at dinner, which is impressive!

As others have said, a thermos might be your best answer for lunch. I'd make a little extra dinner every evening and heat it up in the morning to put in the thermos for his lunch. He can get the nutrients he needs from vegetables if he prefers them to fruit.

These could be a fail (every kid is different) but my 3 year old likes things like apple banana carrot muffins (the my kids lick the bowl website has a good recipe) and banana pancakes with yoghurt or cottage cheese inside (you can't really taste the banana or yoghurt/cottage cheese). All the fruit is blended up so you can't see it and the recipes have no sugar in them (just sweetness from fruit). I tend to make big batches and freeze them then take a few out of the freezer the night before. It ends up being easier than scrambling to make a sandwich (which my 3 year old won't eat anyway) in the morning. My 3 year old also likes zucchini slice (found on the same website as the muffins) which I'm very surprised by but I'm counting it a win!

Some of the answers on this thread are blowing my mind - it seems like it’s perfectly ok as an adult to not like some foods but it is expected that kids can’t express the same. I was this child, so much so my granny came and took me home for lunch for the first 3 years of primary school. After that I had the same ham sandwich every day until I went to secondary school. I am 41 years old and still picky, but guess what - also not an unhealthy mess. I will try anything but if I don’t like it I don’t like it. I could live my life without ever seeing a banana again no matter what you do with it or try to hide it in. I work in healthcare - not dietetics. Standards and policies are great and are for a perfect world. In reality living, breathing, moving people are all individual and we just do the best we can for each persons scenario. I think this nursery and schools in general seem to forget that.

@Fussyeating
Is a day Nanny an option until he starts at school next year?
That way, she can feed him food he will eat during the day and take him to a preschool for half day sessions?

I bet it would work out not that different in price and would massively reduce your stress over the food situation.

Or even an Au Pair. If you have space, that would definitely work out cheaper than full time nursery.

I wonder if he has oral allergy syndrome? Would explain his unwillingness to eat raw fruit and veg but acceptance of cooked and processed fruit and veg.

My child has this and I didn't know until he was old enough to articulate it to me.

Have you considered a childminder instead or a nursery it unlikely nursery will
change.
a child minder will likely be more accommodating than a nursery and will support you with this more. They’ll likely make meals he will eat. I’m a childminder myself and I have a child who I care for who is the exact same. I give him alternative things tO make sure he’s getting the veg and fruit he needs. We do try whole fruits also but he usually doesn’t eat them.
hope this helps.

Absolutely this mine lived off tomato soup, Pom bears and mandarins as a standard lunch for six months at 3

The nursery will provide vegetarian and allergy options for children who need them, it just might not be written on the menu eg the menu will say 'quiche lorraine' but the cook will also do a cheese quiche for the veggies/muslims and a dairy free quiche for the children with milk allergies.

My son was horrendously fussy. At one point all he ate at nursery was breadsticks! I went in and said that he couldn't just have breadsticks every day. There was no option for a packed lunch. So the manager sat down with me and came up with a menu he would eat - e.g if it was quiche on the menu, he got scrambled eggs.if it was spicy pasta, he got plain pasta with cheese. It got us through the last year until he went to school. Whereupon he started eating new things such as peppers, peas, sweetcorn etc! Have a chat with the nursery and see if they can accommodate him. I'm.sure he isn't the first fussy eater and he won't be the last x

I'm sorry if this has already been suggested but why not put some of the dinners he likes in a food flask so it's still hot at lunchtime? We had several children than had this at lunchtime and then you know it is food he likes and will eat. To be honest though it's definitely a nursery problem you have and I would be complaining loudly and continuing to look elsewhere.

All children can be fussy with food but if they are growing and developing normally their diet is fine for now. Please don’t worry about the lack of fruit. Vegetables are a much better source of nutrients without the sugar content and there’s no point in forcing the issue. Sometimes it’s a sensory thing. My eldest is 14 and still won’t be at more than a banana. She is doing fine.
I would agree with the nursery on dried fruit snacks as they are bad too often from a tooth decay point of view.
Despite the fact that we all want our children to have very healthy, well balanced and interesting packed lunches it’s not that usual. Most kids probably have a very similar lunch each day and they are doing fine. My sisters son started out by only eating puréed fruit pots, ready made custard, yoghurt and bread and bananas. When my sister took him to the doctors they said he was fine and having all the food groups, not to worry!
I would just concentrate on giving food that your little one will eat for the nursery days and if it seems repetitive don’t worry it won’t last forever!

You said your son likes pesto pasta- wonder if you could take a pesto pasta or another type of pasta salad in his lunchbox? My DD didn’t like sandwiches so we ended up doing more creative pasta salad and leftover options in her nursery lunchbox. They were sometimes a bit random but it was reassuring to know she wasn’t going hungry.
I’d second what others are saying about water only being a pretty standard nursery/school guideline so they are unlikely to budge on the smoothies. I’d been inclined to save them for home as it will be something he won’t be allowed later down the line at school either.

sugar is sugar doesn't matter what form its in when it goes in the body treats it all the same