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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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bettymoo212 · 05/10/2023 09:45

No advice other than to keep insisting they give them to him. I’d be making a nuisance of myself and calling just after lunch to check he’s been given them until the message sinks in. Perhaps removing the wrappers at home and putting the drink in a different bottle would help? That way they’ve no idea of the sugar content.

Do the children only get one meal the entire time they’re there? At our nursery they get three meals plus three snacks in between meals. Snacks are usually things like crackers, cheese, muffins, etc.

Thewizardbinbag · 05/10/2023 09:46

It’s ridiculous. I remember the nursery handing me back one of those mini kinder bars I had sent in with my 3 year olds lunch for a day trip the nursery were going on. He always had hot lunches there but they asked us to send a packed lunch for the trip. Fine. That was the only treat thing in his and they took it off him. It pissed me off properly because they’ve been giving the kids shit like angel’s delight for pudding with their usual lunches and I was furious about that but let it go. And they took a bloody mini kinder bar off him!

Yours is more serious though, as your child as such a limited diet and they are literally letting him starve. I’d be following up the email each day with a phone call at lunch to ask what he had eaten, had them opened his things for him and asking them to explain why starvation is better than an innocent smoothie. Really don’t back down on this; it isn’t their place or right to restrict his food to the point where he has nothing to eat.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:46

Ask for their policy. I wouldn't expect to be allowed to send in smoothies (most places are milk or water only) or yo-yos as they're essentially sweets. The oat bar will depend on the bar - some are really high in sugar, and others have nuts which wouldn't be allowed.

Is your child's diet restricted because of any additional needs or just fussiness? If he has additional needs then I would expect them to be more flexible.

I'm trying to think of anything that's fruit but not fruit and not coming up with much. Maybe forget the fruit and just send things he will eat and worry about the fruit angle at home?

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Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:46

I did try the drink in his bottle but a staff member patronisingly said ‘oh dear, we’ll have to flush this away because only water is allowed’.

AFAIK, they’re supposed to also offer an evening meal but I don’t think they are… They offer snacks but those always seem to be pieces of fruit so he won’t touch it.

OP posts:
Thewizardbinbag · 05/10/2023 09:47

bettymoo212 · 05/10/2023 09:45

No advice other than to keep insisting they give them to him. I’d be making a nuisance of myself and calling just after lunch to check he’s been given them until the message sinks in. Perhaps removing the wrappers at home and putting the drink in a different bottle would help? That way they’ve no idea of the sugar content.

Do the children only get one meal the entire time they’re there? At our nursery they get three meals plus three snacks in between meals. Snacks are usually things like crackers, cheese, muffins, etc.

Also this. My kids’ nursery had breakfast out at drop off time, lunch and then a substantial afternoon snack.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:47

Water only is just such a standard lunchbox rule. He can have the smoothie at home.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:48

Actually, breakfast is a good idea - would he have weetabix or anything like that? Who cares if it's cereal at lunchtime, it'd fill him up.

prescribingmum · 05/10/2023 09:50

I second the advice about removing wrappers. I recommend a bento type lunchbox with all items in there free of packaging. You can also buy reusable yoghurt pouches that that be used for smoothies/yogurts. Only water is standard rule for drinks so if you’re sending a smoothie, it needs to be part of the meal

elaeocarpus · 05/10/2023 09:51

What about savoury dips like guacamole, refried beans, hummus and crackers- if you make the hummus without tahini so its nut free you could whizz in roast capsicum
Or make a cold salsa style thing which is like a roast veg and tomato sauce pureed?

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:52

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:46

Ask for their policy. I wouldn't expect to be allowed to send in smoothies (most places are milk or water only) or yo-yos as they're essentially sweets. The oat bar will depend on the bar - some are really high in sugar, and others have nuts which wouldn't be allowed.

Is your child's diet restricted because of any additional needs or just fussiness? If he has additional needs then I would expect them to be more flexible.

I'm trying to think of anything that's fruit but not fruit and not coming up with much. Maybe forget the fruit and just send things he will eat and worry about the fruit angle at home?

Bear yo-yos are 100% fruit so definitely not a sweet. If I was packing a pack of percy pigs, I’d understand more but it is just fruit. As for the oat bars, it’s the Organix ones so no nuts. I don’t pack anything with nuts, their issue is simply the ‘high sugar content’ within his lunchbox. I just want to make sure he’s eating enough because he’s there for so long so yes, the items aren’t ideal but if it’s a choice between him eating that or nothing all day then…

OP posts:
bettymoo212 · 05/10/2023 09:52

This sounds wrong on both counts. I’d ask to speak to the nursery manager and take it from there. Your son’s needs are more important than arbitrary rules. I understand they might not want other kids seeing the food/drink and whinging about wanting it too but there are ways of dealing with that. One meal the entire time he’s there sounds worrying. That’s nowhere near enough food.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:53

elaeocarpus · 05/10/2023 09:51

What about savoury dips like guacamole, refried beans, hummus and crackers- if you make the hummus without tahini so its nut free you could whizz in roast capsicum
Or make a cold salsa style thing which is like a roast veg and tomato sauce pureed?

He won’t eat any of that. Trust me, we have tried all sorts of things since he started weaning but he just flatly rejects it and I don’t want to force feed him. He’d never pick up, for example, a carrot stick with some hummus and eat it as DC1 would.

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 09:54

That’s a very odd approach from nursery.

What about a Squeezy yoghurt instead of a smoothie?

I really don’t think there’s any nutritional benefit from yoyos though.

If you want to get more fruit into him at home, we mixed frozen raspberries into DS porridge.. mix them into the hot porridge and they disintegrate completely so it’s not pieces of fruit.

Thewizardbinbag · 05/10/2023 09:54

So… what does he eat? Just protein and then hidden veg?

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:54

prescribingmum · 05/10/2023 09:50

I second the advice about removing wrappers. I recommend a bento type lunchbox with all items in there free of packaging. You can also buy reusable yoghurt pouches that that be used for smoothies/yogurts. Only water is standard rule for drinks so if you’re sending a smoothie, it needs to be part of the meal

It is a part of the meal, I just add a carton to his lunchbox but they tend to pass it back to DH saying he can’t have it or it will be returned unopened.

The bento box is a great idea though, I will try this.

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:55

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:52

Bear yo-yos are 100% fruit so definitely not a sweet. If I was packing a pack of percy pigs, I’d understand more but it is just fruit. As for the oat bars, it’s the Organix ones so no nuts. I don’t pack anything with nuts, their issue is simply the ‘high sugar content’ within his lunchbox. I just want to make sure he’s eating enough because he’s there for so long so yes, the items aren’t ideal but if it’s a choice between him eating that or nothing all day then…

I don't think that's true about the yo-yos though, by the time they've squished and preserved them and whatever else, I doubt there's much "fruit" left in them, they're just going to be sugar. They're a slightly healthier version of a sweet, not a slightly less healthier version of fruit if that makes any sense.

(Very much open to correction from a dietician.)

Callmemummynotmaaa · 05/10/2023 09:57

I’ve a fussy eater at school nursery - so fairly strict lunchbox policy. Luckily she will eat pasta peas and sweetcorn so always have a bento box type set up with one of these. Plus breadsticks. An oaty bar (nut free) out of its packaging. A small tub that she can open with yoghurt and “smoothie/purée”. Mine will eat dried fruits and raisins. Will he eat any chopped meats? Water only in the cup (IF they won’t drink water I’ve often found apple cordial looks like water). Homemade smoothies are allowed after discussion so she has a small flask with a straw/lid she can open that works for these (and I get away with adding veg and oats).

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 09:58

Agree that one meal in those hours seems strange - ours get breakfast, then a snack (crackers and cheese, muffin and fruit type stuff), a hot meal for lunch with fruit for dessert and then another smaller hot meal at 4, again with fruit for dessert.

Obviously not much use if your DC won't eat it, but he must be starving with just a lunchbox lunch between 8 and 6.

Spinderellaseverywhere · 05/10/2023 09:58

My second is incredibly fussy (has other medical problems). I would not be happy at all with this - they should let him have what he usually eats. Get his GP involved if necessary (though it shouldn’t be necessary!)

most people’s advice is well meaning but they have no idea. The suggestion of Tahini made me laugh. Good luck OP.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:58

Thewizardbinbag · 05/10/2023 09:54

So… what does he eat? Just protein and then hidden veg?

I can give you a list but basically for breakfast we’re limited to dippy eggs or scrambled eggs on toast, the shredded wheat cereal with a blueberry filling (he won’t eat plain), yoghurt or smoothie cartons but not homemade smoothies.
Lunch he will eat, again, eggs or beans on toast. Lunchbox items: cheese & pickle or cheese and onion filler sandwiches, smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos, oat/nakd bars (but can’t pack a nakd bar due to nuts), biscuits, crisps and yoghurt.
Dinner he’s more flexible about so will mostly eat what we eat but only if, as I say, the veg is well hidden. Examples are: veg/lentil/chickpea curry, chilli con carne, spag bol, pesto pasta, pasta bake, mushroom tagliatelle, veg and lentil shepherds pie.

He wouldn’t just eat a vegetable solely on a fork, it has to be cut up finely and hidden within a sauce iykwim.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 05/10/2023 09:59

I’ve no way not to be brutal here but the fruit he’s get in a cereal bar or those yo-yos doesn’t equate to fruit, it really doesn’t- people in my son’s class were getting away with those winder things for a while with people classifying them as fruit but they’re really not. If you can’t get fruit into him (have you tried everything- we have one non fruit eater and we can coerce him into apples, grapes or raisins sometimes)- then yes, crackers and cheese or a yoghurt or frube or something? And op I know it’s hard- I’ve 4 kids:

  1. has to be bribed to eat breakfast
  2. constantly argues over sandwiches/rolls, would only bring popcorn and a yoghurt into school if he got his way
  3. Only eats pasta dishes/ waffles/breaded food
  4. fruit nightmare- we force him to eat an apple/some grapes or a mandarin a day
So I’m honestly only trying to help and I know it’s hell- with child no2 we got called in for giving him croissants, cereal bars and a banana for lunch, they said he needs a sandwich/pasta or something more filling and with less sugar, which was fair enough but we were at our wits end
prescribingmum · 05/10/2023 10:00

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:54

It is a part of the meal, I just add a carton to his lunchbox but they tend to pass it back to DH saying he can’t have it or it will be returned unopened.

The bento box is a great idea though, I will try this.

Having it an unbranded reusable pouch maybe more likely to be accepted from experience.

Are you seeing a dietician or anyone else regarding his restricted diet?. I used to have a fussy eater so I know too well that the time they have a long day in childcare is not the one to be addressing and getting them to start eating more but it doesn’t sound like there is balance to their meals which needs to be addressed in the longer term

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 10:02

DuploTrain · 05/10/2023 09:54

That’s a very odd approach from nursery.

What about a Squeezy yoghurt instead of a smoothie?

I really don’t think there’s any nutritional benefit from yoyos though.

If you want to get more fruit into him at home, we mixed frozen raspberries into DS porridge.. mix them into the hot porridge and they disintegrate completely so it’s not pieces of fruit.

I do pack yoghurts daily. He won’t eat Frubes but will eat petit filous so I pack a couple of those or the squeezy ones in a pouch.

Have tried blending fruit and adding to cereal but it’s like he knows and just rejects it. He won’t eat porridge or weetabix anyway, he spits it out. The only cereal we’ve ever got him to willingly accept is the mini shredded wheat with a blueberry filling.

OP posts:
Laalaala · 05/10/2023 10:02

Have you asked to be referred to a paediatric dietician? If your son doesn't eat much then that could affect his development. It's best to tackle the fussy eating sooner rather than later.

What foods does he actually eat? Could he have the smoothie in the morning before you arrive at nursery? Nakd bars are high in sugar so I can see why they said no to that. There are lots of other cereal bars that are lower in sugar that he could have as well as his sandwich. A sandwich and cereal bar isn't a lot in 10 hours though.

prescribingmum · 05/10/2023 10:02

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:58

I can give you a list but basically for breakfast we’re limited to dippy eggs or scrambled eggs on toast, the shredded wheat cereal with a blueberry filling (he won’t eat plain), yoghurt or smoothie cartons but not homemade smoothies.
Lunch he will eat, again, eggs or beans on toast. Lunchbox items: cheese & pickle or cheese and onion filler sandwiches, smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos, oat/nakd bars (but can’t pack a nakd bar due to nuts), biscuits, crisps and yoghurt.
Dinner he’s more flexible about so will mostly eat what we eat but only if, as I say, the veg is well hidden. Examples are: veg/lentil/chickpea curry, chilli con carne, spag bol, pesto pasta, pasta bake, mushroom tagliatelle, veg and lentil shepherds pie.

He wouldn’t just eat a vegetable solely on a fork, it has to be cut up finely and hidden within a sauce iykwim.

ok ignore me previous comment about professional help - he’s not as fussy as it sounded initially if he is eating these things for dinner.

How about hot meal in thermos for nursery? Pasta with veg blended into the sauce? Etc