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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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12
DinnaeFashYersel · 05/10/2023 12:15

OP it really sounds like an unsuitable nursery.

Sending sympathy and hope you can get a place somewhere else soon.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:17

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:10

Great ideas but nuts aren’t allowed. I used to get some nut free butter years ago from Holland & Barrett but I’m not sure it exists anymore, think it was called wow butter.

We have tried blending and mushing fruit into things before and he just knows because the taste is different. He then refuses to eat a fresh bowl because we have deceived him and broken his trust Hmm.

You can still get wow butter! That could be a great option. You'd need to make sure the nursery know what it is though, big risk they'd think it's peanut butter and confiscate it.

SawX · 05/10/2023 12:17

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:13

But if you read the post about what the DC does eat, it's not that fussy at all. Ok, no fruit but there's veg, carbs, variety. It's fine. Not really a "restrictive diet" in the sense that other children may have that need to be accommodated. If the nursery allows lunch boxes they will have a healthy eating policy and this is a child who can eat well inside that so it should be followed imo.

Also OP only tried him on the nursery meal for one day. Personally I would have persevered a little longer in the hopes he joined in with his peers, but if lunchboxes work well for him then fine.

Give two sandwiches, two yoghurts, crisps, whatever. The child eats enough within the policy that the lack of a yoyo or a smoothie won't be a big deal. If OP would rather he had them to get some fruit he can have them at home, there's a good reason they're excluded under the nursery's policy.

The bigger problem is only giving one meal, that's awful.

Okay well you defend the neglectful nursery. I'll continue to advocate for a basic level of care.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

FiverQn · 05/10/2023 12:17

It sounds like they don't know the difference between added sugar and entirely naturally occurring fruit sugars!

TumblingTower · 05/10/2023 12:18

My two are both pretty good eaters. I know on the rare occasion (I think it’s happened twice) my two have been offered toast as an alternative to the dinner.

Caledoniadreaming · 05/10/2023 12:18

I hope the bento box works out OP - it doesn't sound like he has that bad a diet at all really, especially when you consider he enjoys strong flavours in curries etc., my son is exactly like this - make an omelette without pepper/spices/cheese and he won't look at it.

Is it worth getting your son to help with making things like flapjack/muffins/scones which might get him excited?

Our nursery has "meat free Monday" every week without fail, and with each meal on the other days there is a vegetarian option - maybe worth a suggestion?

I would absolutely query the afternoon/early evening food offering though - I can't believe an 8-6 nursery wouldn't provide at least a snack after lunch.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:18

SawX · 05/10/2023 12:17

Okay well you defend the neglectful nursery. I'll continue to advocate for a basic level of care.

Don't be ridiculous. Not allowing a child have a lunch that's high in sugar and against the policy the parents will have signed up to isn't neglectful. This isn't a child with additional needs and a very restrictive diet, it's a fussy 3yo very much in the realms of normal fussy 3yos.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:18

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:13

But if you read the post about what the DC does eat, it's not that fussy at all. Ok, no fruit but there's veg, carbs, variety. It's fine. Not really a "restrictive diet" in the sense that other children may have that need to be accommodated. If the nursery allows lunch boxes they will have a healthy eating policy and this is a child who can eat well inside that so it should be followed imo.

Also OP only tried him on the nursery meal for one day. Personally I would have persevered a little longer in the hopes he joined in with his peers, but if lunchboxes work well for him then fine.

Give two sandwiches, two yoghurts, crisps, whatever. The child eats enough within the policy that the lack of a yoyo or a smoothie won't be a big deal. If OP would rather he had them to get some fruit he can have them at home, there's a good reason they're excluded under the nursery's policy.

The bigger problem is only giving one meal, that's awful.

I couldn’t bring myself to try with the nursery meals again after witnessing the poor soul get home and basically binge eat because he was just that ravenous. He’d eaten his usual shredded wheat in the morning at 7am then point blank refused everything offered at nursery all day so didn’t eat until he got home shortly before 6pm. It was awful to see him eating the way he was, he just stuffing his face because he must have been starving.

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 05/10/2023 12:19

Can they warm things up? so you could send him with a portion of the previous nights dinner for lunch?

I hate the policing of kids lunches, its so hypocritical, my DD is on school meals, and they have jelly/cookie/cake etc. for afters, but there is a huge list of restrictions of you were to take a packed lunch basically banning all of those things

SawX · 05/10/2023 12:20

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:18

Don't be ridiculous. Not allowing a child have a lunch that's high in sugar and against the policy the parents will have signed up to isn't neglectful. This isn't a child with additional needs and a very restrictive diet, it's a fussy 3yo very much in the realms of normal fussy 3yos.

I refer you to my last post. Maybe direct your irrelevant replies to someone else.

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:21

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:18

I couldn’t bring myself to try with the nursery meals again after witnessing the poor soul get home and basically binge eat because he was just that ravenous. He’d eaten his usual shredded wheat in the morning at 7am then point blank refused everything offered at nursery all day so didn’t eat until he got home shortly before 6pm. It was awful to see him eating the way he was, he just stuffing his face because he must have been starving.

This is really normal for children settling to nursery. It often takes them a while to start eating properly, and sleeping properly if they're young enough to be napping. Generally they settle and typically eat much better at nursery than at home - I wouldn't have a hope of persuading my DC to eat some of the things they eat at nursery but they'll have extra when there. Not fun in the meantime though, agree, and if you're happier with a lunchbox then that's fine and great that you have the option, I don't think our nursery allow that.

Honestly it seems like a lot of angst over a fairly typically fussy diet at this age. Plenty of them survive on chicken nuggets at this age and then broaden their tastes when they're a bit older.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:21

Caledoniadreaming · 05/10/2023 12:18

I hope the bento box works out OP - it doesn't sound like he has that bad a diet at all really, especially when you consider he enjoys strong flavours in curries etc., my son is exactly like this - make an omelette without pepper/spices/cheese and he won't look at it.

Is it worth getting your son to help with making things like flapjack/muffins/scones which might get him excited?

Our nursery has "meat free Monday" every week without fail, and with each meal on the other days there is a vegetarian option - maybe worth a suggestion?

I would absolutely query the afternoon/early evening food offering though - I can't believe an 8-6 nursery wouldn't provide at least a snack after lunch.

They do provide snacks but the snacks are always things he won’t touch such as a banana, apple, berries, cucumber, rice cakes etc which he just won’t touch. I am getting DH to query whether they feed him before he collects him or not because we do pay for this when we pay for the full hours.

Previous nursery used to give us a full run down of what he’d eaten when we collected and it would usually be a case of ‘well he wouldn’t eat x meal so we just made him beans on toast’ which was fine.

OP posts:
Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:23

Mulhollandmagoo · 05/10/2023 12:19

Can they warm things up? so you could send him with a portion of the previous nights dinner for lunch?

I hate the policing of kids lunches, its so hypocritical, my DD is on school meals, and they have jelly/cookie/cake etc. for afters, but there is a huge list of restrictions of you were to take a packed lunch basically banning all of those things

Agree with this. The nursery gives the children dessert every single day and it’s always cake based yet they stick their nose up at DS having a smoothie and oat bar.

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:23

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:21

They do provide snacks but the snacks are always things he won’t touch such as a banana, apple, berries, cucumber, rice cakes etc which he just won’t touch. I am getting DH to query whether they feed him before he collects him or not because we do pay for this when we pay for the full hours.

Previous nursery used to give us a full run down of what he’d eaten when we collected and it would usually be a case of ‘well he wouldn’t eat x meal so we just made him beans on toast’ which was fine.

So they do give snacks? Ok, that's good.

This is something I would raise when them and ask that they give him toast, breadsticks, whatever so that he's getting something at snack time.

SeaToSki · 05/10/2023 12:24

Have you had his tonsils and adenoids looked at ? Sometimes small dc with tricky eating habits have very enlarged tonsils or adenoids that makes chewing and swallowing some foods difficult - so they just refuse them.

Another possibility is that he has an oral allergy syndrome, so his mouth will react to some fruits and veg and feel uncomfortable. Some dc react to that by then avoiding all fruit and veg as they think they will all trigger the reaction.

Knivesandforks · 05/10/2023 12:27

Get ready for school op! Our school is no drinks but water, no sweets- including yoyo bears/ winders due to high sugar, no egg, no nuts and no may contain nuts. They have relaxed on a biscuit but previously no biscuits or cereal bars so the items you mentioned wouldn't have been accepted- lunches are monitored too.

I would just leave these bits out- ask for the policy if you're not sure, your fussy eater sounds like he still eats a good range so just pack those things instead.

Crunchymum · 05/10/2023 12:27

They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods

Why don't you do this then. An extra half a sandwich and some breadsticks / pretzels / Organix carrot crisps as well as his original sandwich and crisps? Yes it's probably carb heavy but at least you'll know he isn't going hungry?

MinkyWinky · 05/10/2023 12:28

Two additional ideas for hiding veg - veggie muffins - go heavy on the cheese! And macaroni cheeses made with cauliflower in the sauce. It’s a lot lighter than normal macaroni cheese. My DC prefers it the normal version. This is the recipe I use https://www.myfussyeater.com/healthy-cauliflower-mac-cheese-kids/ although I don’t add the tomato or breadcrumbs

Cauliflower Mac & Cheese - My Fussy Eater | Easy Family Recipes

A healthy twist on an old family favourite. This Cauliflower Mac & Cheese is packed with hidden veggies that the kids can't see or taste!

https://www.myfussyeater.com/healthy-cauliflower-mac-cheese-kids/

Knivesandforks · 05/10/2023 12:29

Mulhollandmagoo · 05/10/2023 12:19

Can they warm things up? so you could send him with a portion of the previous nights dinner for lunch?

I hate the policing of kids lunches, its so hypocritical, my DD is on school meals, and they have jelly/cookie/cake etc. for afters, but there is a huge list of restrictions of you were to take a packed lunch basically banning all of those things

Agree! Mine have a hot dinner a week and it's always cake/ cookies etc I'm sure they're nit low sugar!

babyproblems · 05/10/2023 12:31

No wrappers in lunchbox is a good idea and those reusable smoothie pouches.
I feel like nurseries are starting to be more and more like schools with all these ridiculous rules- they’re just childcare and should do what you ask.
Id consider asking GP for a letter saying he needs snacks. My DS has snack, milk, lunch, milk, snack and that all happens 9am-5pm. One meal isn’t enough imo for any of the kids! I’d keep looking for other childcare aswell whilst being on their case x

TumblingTower · 05/10/2023 12:31

I agree with the others - what about Cheerios or cereal in his box?

Would he like things it using the cute little shape cutters?

ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:32

Knivesandforks · 05/10/2023 12:27

Get ready for school op! Our school is no drinks but water, no sweets- including yoyo bears/ winders due to high sugar, no egg, no nuts and no may contain nuts. They have relaxed on a biscuit but previously no biscuits or cereal bars so the items you mentioned wouldn't have been accepted- lunches are monitored too.

I would just leave these bits out- ask for the policy if you're not sure, your fussy eater sounds like he still eats a good range so just pack those things instead.

God that's restrictive. No may contains is particularly harsh, I have a child with epipens for a peanut allergy and she eats may contains!

Darkmode2 · 05/10/2023 12:32

MayThe4th · 05/10/2023 10:10

I think people find it hard to comprehend that not all fussy eating is just being fussy iyswim.

As a child I was that fussy eater. I couldn’t, and still can’t abide fruit and veg. It’s the texture of them that I can’t stand. Far too squishy and just revolting IMO. It’s not being fussy it’s a physical aversion iyswim.

I get round it by eating raw or crunchy veg. So raw carrot/peas, I eat a lot of stir-fried veg because they’re more crunchy, I love baby sweetcorn for that reason. In terms of fruit I prefer fruit juice and will eat apples.

Honestly I would give less thought to fruit and veg. Fruit contains a lot of sugar and as long as he’s having veg in any way shape or form he’ll be fine.

In terms of his lunchbox at nursery, the fact that they’re taking issue with a smoothy and yet saying he can have more packets of crisps is ridiculous.

At home there’s nothing wrong with putting veg in things. So if he’ll eat them in pasta/chilli/pies etc then so be it. You don’t have to have a plate full of veg to be eating veg.

Also what about soups. Again for me textural, but a nicely blended soup with some crusty bread works wonders.

Yeah I'm the same, I love the taste of fruit but the texture of most of them makes me gag. My dd is exactly the same.

SassyPants87 · 05/10/2023 12:34

Can you ask GP to refer you to a dietician? They are really helpful and may support with sending an email to nursery asking them to not further restrict his diet

Darkmode2 · 05/10/2023 12:38

Have you tried him with cooked peas op? Literally the only veg my dd would eat, she used to like them cooled as a snack too

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