Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

[Fussyeating]

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

I’m just afraid to move him back to nursery meals because a lot of what they offer, I already know he won’t eat. The meal they offered on the one day where he had a nursery meal was lemon and herb chicken with cous cous. I know he just wouldn’t touch a piece of chicken like that, the only way he’ll eat chicken is either chicken nuggets (not the best, I know) or when DH makes something like chicken korma. Cous cous also just isn’t on DS’s approved food list. He wouldn’t eat their dessert offering that day either which was profiteroles, he doesn’t like them.

He went for 12 hours without eating a thing and obviously by the time he got home, he was so hungry he basically stuffed his face with numerous snacks and then demolished the evening meal. It was the quickest I’ve ever seen him eat anything, I felt absolutely terrible that he’d gone an entire day at nursery not eating a thing. They don’t offer toast if the children don’t eat, his previous nursery always did this or they’d cater for him when it was a meal they knew he didn’t like so he had a lot of beans or eggs on toast for example.

I have two very fussy eaters and the idea of them going hungry or having one meal option like your post is awful. Mine are older now and one is fussier than the other but both are waiting on a dietician appointment.

The bento box is a great idea. Definitely agree with cutting stuff up/removing wrappers etc. The dry cereal would work with mine too. Send milk if he won’t have it dry. A few ideas that came to mind- does he care if the toast is hot? If it’s plain and you pack it in a way it won’t go soggy mine would eat that. Also, plain bread? Crusty bread or rolls mine eat dry. Plain pasta or tomato pasta (mine wouldn’t eat that!) is fine cold, will he eat grated cheese or sliced cheese? Will he eat plain crackers? Plain rice cakes, my kids still love those baby fruit ones but I bet I’ll be told they are full of sugar too. I’m still sure they are healthier than crisps though. Cold versions of the foods he will eat (leftovers), or in a flask to keep them warm. Cold scrambled eggs might seem a bit grim but my kids don’t care if food is hot or cold. Would he try an omelette? Mine also eat plain rice hot or cold and would love poppadoms or prawn crackers in a pot. Not healthy at all but would he eat any of the picnic style foods like little sausages or chicken skewers? I know you eat mainly veggie but if it’s only at nursery and it means he’s eating would that be okay? One of mine also loves cold meats like ham or salami on their own.

If you make the bento box look healthier by chopping stuff up etc then you could still put the cookies in their packet as a treat (if any treats are allowed?) so they don’t think you are tricking them with your new healthy lunches! You could even put some fresh fruit (blueberries etc) in the box if it won’t put him off the whole thing and maybe one day he will try one (failing that you eat them when unpacking his lunch each night and put fresh in!). You could also take a fruit smoothie or yo-yo to pick up if it won’t affect his dinner too much?

Could you also talk to the nursery about doing him some plain toast (how hard can it be?) at lunchtime or in the afternoon. His diet isn’t actually too bad when you include the evening meals but you could try for a dietician appointment and then tell the nursery, they might be more understanding then? Honesty I wouldn’t worry too much at this stage about what he isn’t eating as it sounds like he’s eating quite a bit at dinner times, it’s more about talking to nursery about being a bit more lenient with the odd treat or maybe making him some toast once a day!

Why is he not getting a later tea? I'd be most furious about that.

Both of mine have been though FT nursery - Cereal at drop off around 8am.
10am toast
11:30 hot lunch
1:30 Snack of crackers and cheese or fruit
3pm light tea of sandwich or wrap or Yorkshire puddings with dipping gravy

DS1 would absolutely not eat a sandwich in any form so they made him beans on toast on sandwich days.

Also - if he will eat pouch yogurts you can buy reusable pouches on amazon, fill with some homemade fruit compote and Greek yogurt mixed.

I don't understand how the nursery can only provide 1 meal of lunch? This is bonkers.

I get that and not suggesting that's what you do but that you go into bat with the nursery on it. Because that is fairly poor provision from them IMHO as 1 meal option will not cater for 3 year olds who are notoriously fussy! My point is that the nursey should be offering at least 1 main and an alternative option for fussy kids or splitting out the meal so that kids can pick the components they like. Absolutely not suggesting your child should starve !

That's a really long time for no food other than lunch. My ds nursery does breakfast at 730, lunch at 12 and dinner at 430.

Sounds like you have some good ideas I would not be impressed with nurseries attitude and ignorance around food tho.

Also agree it's annoying re treats. We can't send chocolate in on treat Friday but they can put chocolate muffins on the menu four days ina row!

It's also worth having a mindset that he'll eat other food eventually, OP. I do know how it is, my DC are quite fussy. But I try to imagine they'll eat the food eventually.

That means offering something different to them from time to time, encouraging them to try a bit and say if they like it. They also quite often try something in a different setting like a cafe, grandparents' house or a party where they wouldn't at home. Every now and again they come home and say 'oh yes, I like xyz now' and I do a massive eyeroll :)

Apparently in France kids tend to eat a wider range of food because they cook it lots of different ways and keep trying, rather than offering once or twice and concluding the child doesn't like it. That doesn't have to mean making the child upset, just having an expectation of trying things and eating a wide range of food.

I understand why you don’t want to go back to nursery meals but I still think you need to have a meeting with them. You may be surprised and find them more flexible than you think. I’m honestly shocked that they would let such a young child go without food. It’s absolutely no effort to make toast or something similar that you know he’ll eat. If they have to record everything he eats and drinks it will highlight to them where they are failing him. It seems to me that you are being put in the position of being awkward/difficult/in the wrong when you are not even there which is hiding their failure to meet his basic needs. I’m honestly shocked that they can’t see this.

Sorry but I really don’t follow because he’s not an average sized adult and it seems obvious you’d be hungry if you ate his portions. He’s a 3YO so he needs about 1300 calories per day to your 2000.

Our meal times are similar to yours and my fussy 6YO’s packed lunch for an 8 hour day at sports camp is near identical to what yours is having minus the 3-4 sweet treats (she gets 1) and maybe with some cucumber sticks since she likes those but lets be honest they aren’t contributing to filling her up. And she’s fine and not going hungry! I honestly think you’re worrying about nothing and there’s no need for all the snacks if he’s eating basically a normal packed lunch of sandwich, yoghurt, crisps, biscuit plus what sounds like a pretty decent variety of filling/ nutritious breakfasts and dinners. But PPs’ suggestions of sending thermos of pasta and other hot things he’ll eat are also good as it’s always good to mix things up a bit.

In short it sounds like he’s doing fine, you’re doing fine, baby lead weaning hasn’t caused any weird issues and IMO there’s really no need for all the packets!

A couple of suggestions that might be worth a try:
fruit crumble- I don’t really like raw apple, much prefer it cooked with a bit of cinnamon. Can eat it hot or cold, if he will eat the crumble topping you can include oats, and barley/rye flakes or whatever.
Frozen blueberries- if you thaw berries they go squidgy and jammy, would be more similar to what’s in the shredded wheat. You never know your luck, if he’ll tolerate it you might start to able to add a few other berries…

OP is saying he needs the calories, it's not about whether yoyos have any nutritional value or not, the kid needs fuel to keep going. He can't be expected to starve all day. Anything is better than nothing when your child won't eat.

Could be a school nursery or preschool that officially finishes at 3 and has wrap around care until 6? Ours is like that.

You actually don't need much fruit if you are eating lots of vegetables. I am a fruit phobe, always have been. Apples are fine, as is juice, but only apple or pear, pomegranate or cranberry. The odd frozen berry, a peach or melon mid summer, but only abroad, what we get here is awful. Banana's are a big no, too sweet, texture, bleuch.

So, I eat a lot of veg, and salad, and meat and fish. That's basically it.

Why not just pack two sandwiches, that would fill him up? And permitted?

Sorry if already suggested but would nursery heat a main meal from home? My son wasnt keen on packed lunches and they didnt provide meals so we sent in a main meal to be heated each day and they were fine. I batch cooked and then sent portions of stew, curry, pasta etc.

Have you ever tried savoury flapjacks with cheese and grated or chopped up veg?

I've only read a few comments but I'm surprised you're getting so much flack for the yo-yo rolls! My son likes these so if they're the same as the ones we have, they have the same amount of sugar as an apple and also count as one of their 5 a day since they're made from fruit.

In regards to your DS not eating at nursery, I'd be asking for a meeting with the manger to express my concerns and coming up with a viable soluation. Not encouraging/allowing him to eat all day is not acceptable and isn't sustainable for your son.

Speaking of, would he eat those Dairylea Lunschbles (is that what they're called?) with crackers, cheese and ham? Or the Dunkers version? Or is it just his fruit/veg intake you're concerned about?

I'd also be practising opening wrappers at home so, if they really are unwilling to open them for him, he can do it himself.

All the people getting their pants in a twist here about fruit yo-yos and Nakd bars are missing the point. In the OP's case, it is clearly not a situation where her child is just being picky. He will not 'eat when he's hungry' and it's abundantly clear that he chooses being hungry over eating a piece of fruit, so ffs give the kid a bloody oat bar and a smoothie because he's three years old and he needs the calories.

Also the nursery is apparently giving the other kids puddings every day, which I strongly doubt are less sugary than a cereal bar, so there's a big double standard going on here.

My niece had all sorts of issues around food when she was very little and her parents were repeatedly told by a dietician that it was better for her to eat sugary cereal or Nutella on toast than for her to eat nothing, and at that time, nothing was precisely what she would have eaten if her limited range of foods wasn't available.

I appreciate you feel obligated to give him food he eats - but you really need to up the savoury offering. Forget diet - his teeth will be in bits very soon as I assume the nursery are not having them wash their teeth after meals.

I think you would be well within your rights to push for them to allow you to provide a dinner alternative.

OP make your own unpackaged flapjacks at the weekend and give him those - there are plenty of low sugar recipes out there . The other option is to make your own naked bars which can just be refrigerated - Google nut free date bars and plenty will come up . Both are quick to make and will last all week

My Dad is French but I’d say he’s fairly relaxed with food and that tends to be the French approach. He doesn’t eat ‘junk’ very often but definitely eats high fat / salt foods a lot, way too much Halloumi and his midriff shows this now he’s getting older!

I do offer the food to DS on a daily basis so I haven’t just given up after a few tries. I offer him whatever we’re having but when it comes to a packed lunch if we’re out and about having a picnic, I do just pack him what I know he’s going to eat then offer the other things we’re having too. He looks at you like you have two heads if you offer him a piece of fruit and usually runs away but I’ll still keep trying…

I feel so sorry for parents of young children these days. It's as if you're never allowed to make any decisions about what's best for your child. My kids grew up on a sandwich, bag of crisps and a chocolate biscuit, and had the energy to run it off. They're all over 6ft, fit and healthy.

I don't know how you cope.

Thank you for this suggestion, I’ll give it a go. I used to make the date fruit bars years ago when I was vegan so I’ll get those recipes up and give it a whirl.

I’ll be honest though, I think DS associates the actual packet with the food item if that makes sense. He won’t touch a homemade smoothie at all but when he sees an innocent carton, he will.

one meal between 8am and 6pm?
Have I misunderstood?

I use a bento box - you can get ones with a thermos in the middle for something warm. I would also unpack the packaging - I have always done that for my four year old.