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Nursery’s comments about 3 year old’s lunchbox

489 replies

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 09:38

DS is 3 and he recently started at a new nursery. DH and I work FT so he attends 4 full days a week 8-6. He previously attended a different nursery who were great in ways but utterly useless in others so we decided to find a new one to cover this academic year.

The issue we have with this nursery is their attitude to food and fussy eating. DS has always been a fussy eater, even as a small infant when he first started weaning. I have no idea why, older DS is not fussy at all and will eat just about anything without complaint. We didn’t do anything differently when we weaned him, we still offer him all the same foods we eat on a daily basis but he often just won’t touch them. He won’t eat pieces of fruit at all, he actually never has. We followed BLW with both DC but DS2 just rejected any form of fruit or veg unless the veg was disguised within a meal. He’s still the same now, he will only eat vegetables if they’re very well disguised within a meal such as chilli, curry, pasta bake etc.

With regards to fruit intake, the only way we can get him to consume any fruit of any sort is within snacks such as innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and Nakd bars. I appreciate none of this is ideal, I obviously wish he’d just eat a bowl of berries or whatever like DC1 does but this is all we can get him to accept fruit wise.

The nursery offers one set meal a day with no other selection. Initially we thought we’d try DS with their hot meals and see if maybe it broadened his horizons, perhaps he’d try something new when he saw all of the other children there eating it. What actually happened was he went the full day between breakfast at 7am and dinner when he got home just after 6pm without eating anything at all. The nursery didn’t attempt to offer him anything outside of their set meal such as plain toast like his previous nursery would have, they just essentially let him starve.

Suffice to say, we switched him over to a lunchbox after this. The issue is, the nursery staff keep commenting on the contents within his lunchbox. When DH drops him off, they actually open the lunchbox and will remove certain items and pass them to DH saying DS can’t eat them. Examples are as I mentioned previously- innocent smoothie cartons, bear yo-yos and oat bars. These items are on a very small list of lunchbox style items DS will actually willingly eat. They have said they don’t mind if he brings more packets of crisps and extra sandwiches but they don’t want him to bring ‘high sugar’ foods. The weird thing is, they offer the children dessert with their meal every single day and it’s things such as profiteroles or cake and custard so to offer that but have an issue with something like an oat bar seems bonkers to me! He also often returns home with items like that uneaten and I know he would eat them so I’m gathering they’re intentionally not opening them for him.

I ended up sending a long ranting email yesterday because I was pretty furious that they keep restricting his already quite restrictive diet. When he’s there for 10 hours and there’s an 11 hour gap between the meals he has at home, we need to make sure he’s eating adequately and isn’t going hungry. I’ve already enquired at different nurseries, however I do know FT slots in the area we live in are rare so the chances of us sourcing alternative childcare are slim. I’m just looking for advice really, what’s the best course of action here? Also, if anyone has any tips regarding fussy eating, I’d fully appreciate those!

OP posts:
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Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 11:59

InTheRainOnATrain · 05/10/2023 11:19

Could be a school nursery or preschool that officially finishes at 3 and has wrap around care until 6? Ours is like that.

Private nursery. The previous nursery he was at was attached to a school and they were way more relaxed about his food intake.

OP posts:
Followebyagiraffe · 05/10/2023 12:00

Colour printer and design your own wrapper - mummies yummy healthy snacks … I have a 13 year old who was just like this -

TumblingTower · 05/10/2023 12:01

Will he eat cold pasta with mayonnaise etc?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

SawX · 05/10/2023 12:01

All the people getting their pants in a twist here about fruit yo-yos and Nakd bars are missing the point.

Exactly. As usual the thread is full of wannabe nutritionists so desperate to give their opinion on children's diets that they miss the most important point - a nursery allowing a child to go 12 hours without eating.

OP you do not need to accept this. They are failing in a very basic duty. Agree with a few early sensible posters that you and your husband should call every day at lunch time and remind them to give him his food. Your husband also needs to put them in their place when they try to hand back items from the lunch box.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:01

nevynevster · 05/10/2023 11:13

I get that and not suggesting that's what you do but that you go into bat with the nursery on it. Because that is fairly poor provision from them IMHO as 1 meal option will not cater for 3 year olds who are notoriously fussy! My point is that the nursey should be offering at least 1 main and an alternative option for fussy kids or splitting out the meal so that kids can pick the components they like. Absolutely not suggesting your child should starve !

I totally agree, they should be providing an alternative meal for kids who won’t eat their set one. As I said before, DC1 is in primary and he has about 5 options a day so there’s something for just about everyone. Not sure why the nursery doesn’t do something similar. Maybe not 5 options but definitely something if a child doesn’t like their 1 option.

OP posts:
Nosleepforthismum · 05/10/2023 12:01

I also have a fussy eater and we keep trying with nursery meals but I also send in a boring pack lunch so if the lunch is rejected, he has whatever I’ve packed (crumpet/toast). Some days are better than others but at least I know he’s not going hungry. You could ask the nursery if they would accommodate this?

The main issue seems to be the sugary snacks and drinks so is maybe just some extra savoury snacks so he doesn’t feel hungry and he can then have his smoothie etc when he gets home?

clarebear111 · 05/10/2023 12:01

I agree that leaving your DS without a meal for the entire day is not sustainable. Perhaps the staff were thinking that he would eat whatever was on offer if he was hungry enough. The fact he didn't seems to me to show that the problem is more than DS being a 'fussy' eater who just needs to be hungry enough (!) but it also seems your DS has quite a varied range of foods he will eat at dinner time in particular, so it's hard to say what's going on.

Interestingly, I went to an open day for a primary school today, and the headteacher mentioned something about the school being a Sugar Smart Status school (which I personally hadn't heard of, so I've been doing a bit of googling). I'm wondering if there is an equivalent for nurseries, and that's why they seem so fixated on the sugary snacks (I note you say they seem less concerned about crisps and sandwiches).

SquirrelFeeder · 05/10/2023 12:02

@Fussyeating Fruit is full of sugar. Naturally occurring sugar but sugar nonetheless. Those yo-yos are concentrated fruit (like raisins) so have an extremely high sugar content and also like raisins, are AWFUL for teeth as they get stuck between teeth causing additional rotting

YukoandHiro · 05/10/2023 12:02

Thewizardbinbag · 05/10/2023 09:46

It’s ridiculous. I remember the nursery handing me back one of those mini kinder bars I had sent in with my 3 year olds lunch for a day trip the nursery were going on. He always had hot lunches there but they asked us to send a packed lunch for the trip. Fine. That was the only treat thing in his and they took it off him. It pissed me off properly because they’ve been giving the kids shit like angel’s delight for pudding with their usual lunches and I was furious about that but let it go. And they took a bloody mini kinder bar off him!

Yours is more serious though, as your child as such a limited diet and they are literally letting him starve. I’d be following up the email each day with a phone call at lunch to ask what he had eaten, had them opened his things for him and asking them to explain why starvation is better than an innocent smoothie. Really don’t back down on this; it isn’t their place or right to restrict his food to the point where he has nothing to eat.

Isn't that because kinder has hazelnut in?

Onthetipofmytonguetoo · 05/10/2023 12:03

Can you get a little thermos box with leftovers of your previous night’s meal? Heat that up in the morning and you’re good to go. My 15 year old daughter who will not touch school lunches (she is autistic) enjoys having a home cooked lunch. Or what if you warmed up some baked beans and sausage in a can or some tinned ravioli or something? I think I’d be doing that. Perhaps bake some banana bread with wholemeal flour and tell them there’s no sugar in it - just banana for sweetening it. It really pisses me off. Your child - you should have final day.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:03

InTheRainOnATrain · 05/10/2023 11:16

Sorry but I really don’t follow because he’s not an average sized adult and it seems obvious you’d be hungry if you ate his portions. He’s a 3YO so he needs about 1300 calories per day to your 2000.

Our meal times are similar to yours and my fussy 6YO’s packed lunch for an 8 hour day at sports camp is near identical to what yours is having minus the 3-4 sweet treats (she gets 1) and maybe with some cucumber sticks since she likes those but lets be honest they aren’t contributing to filling her up. And she’s fine and not going hungry! I honestly think you’re worrying about nothing and there’s no need for all the snacks if he’s eating basically a normal packed lunch of sandwich, yoghurt, crisps, biscuit plus what sounds like a pretty decent variety of filling/ nutritious breakfasts and dinners. But PPs’ suggestions of sending thermos of pasta and other hot things he’ll eat are also good as it’s always good to mix things up a bit.

In short it sounds like he’s doing fine, you’re doing fine, baby lead weaning hasn’t caused any weird issues and IMO there’s really no need for all the packets!

I get your point, I obviously realise he needs far less calories but I still don’t think a cheese sandwich and packet of crisps is sufficient for 12 hours, even as a 3 yo.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 05/10/2023 12:03

I had one that only ate homemade bolo, curry etc. We got wee kids thermos food flask and he took that everyday. Even as teen he takes it to high school. He used to help me fill it each morning so he knew it was mums bolo etc

Snugglemonkey · 05/10/2023 12:05

prescribingmum · 05/10/2023 10:02

ok ignore me previous comment about professional help - he’s not as fussy as it sounded initially if he is eating these things for dinner.

How about hot meal in thermos for nursery? Pasta with veg blended into the sauce? Etc

This is what we fo for my fussy son.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 05/10/2023 12:06

I find it strange that a nursery doesn’t offer breakfast or tea but yet takes children from 8am - 6pm? I’ve worked in nurseries and the children were constantly eating. Do you get given a menu every week so you know what they are giving them for snack as well as lunch? Do they have a vegetarian option you can have as surely there are vegetarian children there?

Smileatthesmallthings · 05/10/2023 12:06

Have you tried maybe packing homemade cakes into the lunchbox? I make banana muffins and they freeze well, and I can pop one into the lunchbox in the morning and it's defrosted by lunch. The more ripe the banana the less sugar you need to put in the mix, and they're really quite filling. I've also made pizza pinwheels - make a mixed veg sauce - you really can put anything in it with a tin of tomatoes and even lentils, blended up to smooth, spread on puff pastry with some cheese, rolled up sliced and baked. Nice hot and cold.

It sounds like you've done a great job of getting him to eat a good variety of meals and tastes at dinner time!

I do think you seem to have a nursery problem. DS was at nursery 7:30-5:00 and in that time would have breakfast, morning snack (often fruit), a hot lunch around 11:30 with pudding, afternoon snack - crackers and cheese/pizza wheels/scones and then tea about 4 which was often a cold buffet of sandwiches veggies and fruit or crumpets and beans, again with a pudding like jam tart or a cookie. Then I'd collect him and he'd usually have a big dinner with us too. I agree they your poor boy is not being offered enough food. DS hated beans with a passion so if it was beans day they'd just give him crumpets, or they made spaghetti to see if he preferred that - no pressure at all they just realised that he wouldn't go near anything if it had beans on the plate, and like normal people would, offered a reasonable alternative. What does it say on the paperwork about the food offerings?

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:07

Onthetipofmytonguetoo · 05/10/2023 12:03

Can you get a little thermos box with leftovers of your previous night’s meal? Heat that up in the morning and you’re good to go. My 15 year old daughter who will not touch school lunches (she is autistic) enjoys having a home cooked lunch. Or what if you warmed up some baked beans and sausage in a can or some tinned ravioli or something? I think I’d be doing that. Perhaps bake some banana bread with wholemeal flour and tell them there’s no sugar in it - just banana for sweetening it. It really pisses me off. Your child - you should have final day.

I’ve just bought one online so will be giving this a go and see how it pans out.

I’m also going to query the evening food. DH drops and collects because my commute is much further than his and if anyone has any experience of the M62 during rush hour, they’ll understand! Unfortunately this means I’m reliant on DH to make the point and he hasn’t been as assertive so far as I have about it, going to have to push him to be though for DS’s sake.

OP posts:
Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:08

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 05/10/2023 12:06

I find it strange that a nursery doesn’t offer breakfast or tea but yet takes children from 8am - 6pm? I’ve worked in nurseries and the children were constantly eating. Do you get given a menu every week so you know what they are giving them for snack as well as lunch? Do they have a vegetarian option you can have as surely there are vegetarian children there?

Guessing they have no veggie kids because I honestly saw one vegetarian meal on the whole menu which was pizza once and that was it. I did get a copy of their full menu for the term and I just knew DS wouldn’t touch most of it. He’d love the pizza but even the pasta dishes were chicken orientated and I know he wouldn’t be interested.

OP posts:
Whalewatchers · 05/10/2023 12:09

My 3 yr old loves french stick cut into rounds, buttered with a little strawberry jam. Scones also go down very well with him. Not sure if either will pass the sugar police nursery though! First born loved peanut butter rolls.... take a slice of bread, cut off the crusts and flatten with your hand, spread peanut butter and roll it up and cut in half. You can add jam if you like.

Yoghurt try full fat natural yoghurt and mix in some honey.

Shreddies try mixing in mashed banana or grated apple.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2023 12:10

My DS was a really fussy eater. Nothing I could do. Request a meeting with the manager and explain it's not ideal but you do not want your DS to go hungry and you would rather he ate fruit etc but he won't. Hot meal in a flask is a good idea especially with winter coming up.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:10

Whalewatchers · 05/10/2023 12:09

My 3 yr old loves french stick cut into rounds, buttered with a little strawberry jam. Scones also go down very well with him. Not sure if either will pass the sugar police nursery though! First born loved peanut butter rolls.... take a slice of bread, cut off the crusts and flatten with your hand, spread peanut butter and roll it up and cut in half. You can add jam if you like.

Yoghurt try full fat natural yoghurt and mix in some honey.

Shreddies try mixing in mashed banana or grated apple.

Great ideas but nuts aren’t allowed. I used to get some nut free butter years ago from Holland & Barrett but I’m not sure it exists anymore, think it was called wow butter.

We have tried blending and mushing fruit into things before and he just knows because the taste is different. He then refuses to eat a fresh bowl because we have deceived him and broken his trust Hmm.

OP posts:
WeightoftheWorld · 05/10/2023 12:12

I know you said you're looking for a new nursery, I think that's going to be the only acceptable outcome here. The nursery sound terrible tbh the way they are behaving, that's not somewhere I'd feel comfortable leaving my young child 4 days a week. So sorry you're in this difficult position.

Fussyeating · 05/10/2023 12:12

Smileatthesmallthings · 05/10/2023 12:06

Have you tried maybe packing homemade cakes into the lunchbox? I make banana muffins and they freeze well, and I can pop one into the lunchbox in the morning and it's defrosted by lunch. The more ripe the banana the less sugar you need to put in the mix, and they're really quite filling. I've also made pizza pinwheels - make a mixed veg sauce - you really can put anything in it with a tin of tomatoes and even lentils, blended up to smooth, spread on puff pastry with some cheese, rolled up sliced and baked. Nice hot and cold.

It sounds like you've done a great job of getting him to eat a good variety of meals and tastes at dinner time!

I do think you seem to have a nursery problem. DS was at nursery 7:30-5:00 and in that time would have breakfast, morning snack (often fruit), a hot lunch around 11:30 with pudding, afternoon snack - crackers and cheese/pizza wheels/scones and then tea about 4 which was often a cold buffet of sandwiches veggies and fruit or crumpets and beans, again with a pudding like jam tart or a cookie. Then I'd collect him and he'd usually have a big dinner with us too. I agree they your poor boy is not being offered enough food. DS hated beans with a passion so if it was beans day they'd just give him crumpets, or they made spaghetti to see if he preferred that - no pressure at all they just realised that he wouldn't go near anything if it had beans on the plate, and like normal people would, offered a reasonable alternative. What does it say on the paperwork about the food offerings?

Definitely going to give some of these ideas a whirl. Will batch cook some homemade pizzas at the weekend and then explain to nursery that they’re homemade and contain veg within the sauce so they don’t accuse me of adding last night’s take away…

OP posts:
ColleenDonaghy · 05/10/2023 12:13

SawX · 05/10/2023 12:01

All the people getting their pants in a twist here about fruit yo-yos and Nakd bars are missing the point.

Exactly. As usual the thread is full of wannabe nutritionists so desperate to give their opinion on children's diets that they miss the most important point - a nursery allowing a child to go 12 hours without eating.

OP you do not need to accept this. They are failing in a very basic duty. Agree with a few early sensible posters that you and your husband should call every day at lunch time and remind them to give him his food. Your husband also needs to put them in their place when they try to hand back items from the lunch box.

But if you read the post about what the DC does eat, it's not that fussy at all. Ok, no fruit but there's veg, carbs, variety. It's fine. Not really a "restrictive diet" in the sense that other children may have that need to be accommodated. If the nursery allows lunch boxes they will have a healthy eating policy and this is a child who can eat well inside that so it should be followed imo.

Also OP only tried him on the nursery meal for one day. Personally I would have persevered a little longer in the hopes he joined in with his peers, but if lunchboxes work well for him then fine.

Give two sandwiches, two yoghurts, crisps, whatever. The child eats enough within the policy that the lack of a yoyo or a smoothie won't be a big deal. If OP would rather he had them to get some fruit he can have them at home, there's a good reason they're excluded under the nursery's policy.

The bigger problem is only giving one meal, that's awful.

ChesapeakeBay · 05/10/2023 12:13

I’ve no way not to be brutal here but the fruit he’s get in a cereal bar or those yo-yos doesn’t equate to fruit, it really doesn’t

Really? The ingredients are eg "Apples (65.8%), Pears (32.9%), Strawberries (1%), Black Carrot Extract (0.3%)". How is that not fruit?

DinnaeFashYersel · 05/10/2023 12:14

QueenCamilla · 05/10/2023 10:40

Even though there are children with developmental problems that may cause problems with food intake... I just can't help but feel almost angry at what bollocks like Baby Lead Weaning does to nutritional intake of our children.

Why the feck stop with babies? I'll be all out contemporary earth mother and offer Child Lead Feeding to my 9 year old. Let's see (and be surprised) at how that ends.

I'd be very tempted as a nursery teacher to just let the kids eat&drink whatever shite comes in with the lunch boxes. It's not like ill-conceived parenting can be fixed by an apple slice at school.

I don't think you understand what baby led weaning actually is.

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