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Original poster

Annoyed by DH's 'nice' treat

193 replies

nothingevergoesright · 04/10/2023 17:47

Apologies as this is a rant and I know it's probably a problem lots of people would like to have.

DH has arranged for DD and me to go to the theatre tomorrow night. As the time draws closer, I find myself more and more angry about it.

I went to see a comedian last week with DH, and it was nice to do something together, but by the end of the night my back was killing me (and I had a migraine, something which I can feel starting again now).

Last week was a relatively short show, with no interval, tomorrow's is much longer with half an hour interval. We are sat at the front, and I walk with crutches, so dread trying to get up and queue for the loo or stretch my legs.

It's not something I want to see. When DH told me he'd booked it I assumed he was taking DD, but he doesn't want to see it (it's a show/comedy aimed at kids), so thought it would be nice for DD and me.

DD doesn't really want to go, she's a teenager now and too cool for this kind of thing.

Luckily DH is off tomorrow, as if he was working I wouldn't be able to go, as the towns buses finish by that time and I refuse to use our local taxis (which are also exorbitant). I can't drive, but have a blue badge, so walking is out. It won't finish until after 10pm and 13yr old has school the next day.

DH is going abroad with his DS next week, to somewhere I wanted to go, but due to not having anyone to have DD for a few days, I had to pull out, so he asked his DS to go. They have an itinerary, including drinking at night and doing what they want, so I guess that he booked this for us as a consolation prize, which it's not, as I don't want to go.

I know I should be grateful, but I just wished he'd asked me before booking it. He goes at the weekend and will be working until just hours before, so tomorrow night was the last night with him before he went.

I feel bad ranting, but just wish he'd asked me, before choosing what I do and where I go, especially as it's not something he wants to do.

OP posts:
Janieforever · 04/10/2023 17:48

Then don’t go?

Globules · 04/10/2023 17:49

Then don't go.

thinkfast · 04/10/2023 17:50

Can't your DH go if you don't want to? Alternatively if neither of you want to see the show, can't your DH take his DS?

Interested in this thread?

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13 year olds
AsWrittenBy · 04/10/2023 17:50

I wouldn't go

He can

Popetthetreehugger · 04/10/2023 17:51

Is there some one with a younger DC who would be thrilled to have the tickets ? Give them away , ask him if he knows you and DD ? Kind intentions but clueless!

Neekoh · 04/10/2023 17:52

Why should you be grateful? Why on earth do you think you need to be grateful for something that neither you nor your daughter actually want to see and which will cause you great discomfort too?

Tell him politely but firmly that from now on you would appreciate him asking you before he books any more 'treats'. Otherwise it isn't actually nice, is it. Just thoughtless!

ErrolTheDragon · 04/10/2023 17:52

When DH told me he'd booked it I assumed he was taking DD, but he doesn't want to see it (it's a show/comedy aimed at kids)

You don't want to go either. His idea, he can take your DD (if she'll go) or he can cancel.

TryAgainWithFeeling · 04/10/2023 17:54

If neither you nor DD want to go, don’t go. Offer the tickets to a friend or on your local FB group. Tell DH that you appreciate the thought but it’s just not suitable and hope he thinks things through properly next time.

Seaweed42 · 04/10/2023 17:54

Crikey. Your DH booked this to assuage his guilt.
It's as plain as the nose on your face.

Why the hell would he book something without asking you?
It's so so controlling.

Do you not have money of your own or is he the only one with a credit card or something. This is all very weird.

Just don't bloody go. Stick up for yourself woman.

Your DD can't be arsed and she has school the next day. You can't be arsed either because it's a pain in the hole to go to blasted show.

Listen, men are almost always acting in their own best interests.

You are tying yourself up in knots to please DH.
You need to stop doing that.

Lavenderosa · 04/10/2023 17:55

"he doesn't want to see it"
Neither do you, so tell him and don't go.

TibetanTerrah · 04/10/2023 17:57

but he doesn't want to see it

Neither do you. Neither does DD! So don't go!

LookingForPurpose · 04/10/2023 17:58

Just don't go, give the tickets away on fb.

itsmyp4rty · 04/10/2023 17:59

Nobody wants to go so it makes absolutely no sense to go just to make your DH feel better.
If you're going to do a nice thing for someone without asking them first you should be pretty damn sure they're going to think it's a nice thing. I really don't think he put a lot of thought into this.

ChelseaGem · 04/10/2023 17:59

Why aren’t the four of you going on holiday together at a more suitable time?

Is he ACTUALLY going with his son? 🤨

Brefugee · 04/10/2023 18:00

Meh. Don't go. Book something the two of you actually want to do

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 18:01

ChelseaGem · 04/10/2023 17:59

Why aren’t the four of you going on holiday together at a more suitable time?

Is he ACTUALLY going with his son? 🤨

Good lord, are you trying to insinuate he’s going with another woman. Man that’s some leap on this thread. 😂

anyways, op I don’t get it, if you don’t want to go, ask for a refund, otherwise just offer to friends or local Facebook, I don’t get the angst, it’s just thanks but no thanks.

RedHelenB · 04/10/2023 18:03

I'd go. You might enjoy it. And there will be a disabled loo so you shouldn't have to queue.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/10/2023 18:08

If neither you or DD want to go, why go? Just stay home or let him go.

OhComeOnFFS · 04/10/2023 18:10

He's spent the money anyway. Don't make things worse by sitting through it!

MetalFences · 04/10/2023 18:10

RedHelenB · 04/10/2023 18:03

I'd go. You might enjoy it. And there will be a disabled loo so you shouldn't have to queue.

Would you? To a children's show with a teenager who also doesn't want to go and you have a bad back and a migraine.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/10/2023 18:12

OhComeOnFFS · 04/10/2023 18:10

He's spent the money anyway. Don't make things worse by sitting through it!

Yep. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.

The money isn't totally wasted if he learns not to do this again.

Sausagis · 04/10/2023 18:14

Wait till an hour before, go to bed with headache, tell DH he'll have to go.

theduchessofspork · 04/10/2023 18:14

Just tell him you can’t go (in too much pain) so he has to.

I’d save the conversation about him being more considerate to a neutral time - you don’t want to spoil the evening - but I would have it.

Ilovelurchers · 04/10/2023 18:15

Does he know you don't want to go? Or did you pretend to be grateful to be polite (I have sometimes done this - it doesn't make you a bad person).

Anyway, explain about your back and the migraine and ask him to take her instead. If she has an interest in going.....

If not, maybe tell him that. Would he be massively hurt?

rainbowstardrops · 04/10/2023 18:16

So he's basically bought the tickets to make himself feel better. I'd be saying he needs to take DD because you're not interested, or if DD doesn't want to go either then it's his problem to move the tickets on. He hasn't thought this through at all.