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Original poster

Annoyed by DH's 'nice' treat

193 replies

nothingevergoesright · 04/10/2023 17:47

Apologies as this is a rant and I know it's probably a problem lots of people would like to have.

DH has arranged for DD and me to go to the theatre tomorrow night. As the time draws closer, I find myself more and more angry about it.

I went to see a comedian last week with DH, and it was nice to do something together, but by the end of the night my back was killing me (and I had a migraine, something which I can feel starting again now).

Last week was a relatively short show, with no interval, tomorrow's is much longer with half an hour interval. We are sat at the front, and I walk with crutches, so dread trying to get up and queue for the loo or stretch my legs.

It's not something I want to see. When DH told me he'd booked it I assumed he was taking DD, but he doesn't want to see it (it's a show/comedy aimed at kids), so thought it would be nice for DD and me.

DD doesn't really want to go, she's a teenager now and too cool for this kind of thing.

Luckily DH is off tomorrow, as if he was working I wouldn't be able to go, as the towns buses finish by that time and I refuse to use our local taxis (which are also exorbitant). I can't drive, but have a blue badge, so walking is out. It won't finish until after 10pm and 13yr old has school the next day.

DH is going abroad with his DS next week, to somewhere I wanted to go, but due to not having anyone to have DD for a few days, I had to pull out, so he asked his DS to go. They have an itinerary, including drinking at night and doing what they want, so I guess that he booked this for us as a consolation prize, which it's not, as I don't want to go.

I know I should be grateful, but I just wished he'd asked me before booking it. He goes at the weekend and will be working until just hours before, so tomorrow night was the last night with him before he went.

I feel bad ranting, but just wish he'd asked me, before choosing what I do and where I go, especially as it's not something he wants to do.

OP posts:
OfficerChurlish · 04/10/2023 20:11

No one wants to go. Don't go. Also, let your H deal with what happens to the tickets, don't take on the unnecessary task of trying to get a refund, give them away, sell them, etc. It sounds like the real issue is the holiday - have the two of you discussed it thoroughly? I may be off base, but it sounds like you're at the very least annoyed about it. If so, don't let it fester - other littler things will continue to add to your dissatisfaction.

Millybob · 04/10/2023 20:13

No point in going if neither of you wants to see it - and have to spend on taxis, too. Some mum with a younger child might be delighted if you pass the tickets on. Or see if the theatre will exchange them for another show.

Boundoverbyacat · 04/10/2023 20:19

What children’s show finishes at 10pm on a Wednesday?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

13 year olds
Spacehopperno1 · 04/10/2023 20:25

I can’t imagine putting my DH in this position, “I’ve bought you some tickets for random thing I thought you might like to do next week and no I didn’t think I’d need to check with you first”. At best I’d get a bemused laugh and a “Weird but ok”.

J007 · 04/10/2023 20:30

I'm a man and this is the sort of thing I'd do. But genuinely I'd believe that I'm doing something nice.

I have surprised my wife like this a number of times and to my knowledge it has gone down well. Understand that there is a bit more to this because of the holiday but, it has got me thinking about whether I should continue to organise 'surprise' show tickets/events without asking first and whether they're just being polite about enjoying it. If I am doing something with one of the children I often help arrange something for my wife and the other child to do. And yes she does get jealous(she tells me, it's a jealous as in I wish I was there but, also happy that a child is having daddy/daughter or son time) if I've gone out for a nice meal etc so this helps keep everyone happy.

Camping is a good example where my wife hates it but, feels she is missing out when she gets pictures of some of the adventures.. This is when I would be likely to arrange something for her (and yes she is always invited camping ;) - sometimes we'd talk but, sometimes it'd be a surprise.

What I think I'm trying to say is that this guy may think he is doing a nice thing and not be sinister. It might just not be well thought through!

Castleview6 · 04/10/2023 20:35

Sell the tickets and dint go then. But it does seem that he’s tried to do something nice. The

Lifeofasd1 · 04/10/2023 20:38

I don't understand why you are angry though?
I get that you don't fancy it and may be bored st the thought of it but why angry? It
Seems you have the funds to enjoy entertainment so you must be able to go to something else in near future so why are you angry. Just go and the pick something else next time.

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 20:45

He needs to take dd.

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 20:46

Lifeofasd1 · 04/10/2023 20:38

I don't understand why you are angry though?
I get that you don't fancy it and may be bored st the thought of it but why angry? It
Seems you have the funds to enjoy entertainment so you must be able to go to something else in near future so why are you angry. Just go and the pick something else next time.

Her DH has booked tickets for something he doesn’t like so he’s foisting it on OP to take their dd.

He doesn’t give a shit about what OP enjoys.

gamerchick · 04/10/2023 20:52

You don't want to go, the bairn doesn't want to go. Tell him either he takes her or you're not going. If he can talk her into it that is.

Don't just silently seethe as put up with it. Tell him what you do want.

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 20:56

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 20:46

Her DH has booked tickets for something he doesn’t like so he’s foisting it on OP to take their dd.

He doesn’t give a shit about what OP enjoys.

Show quote history

Have you considered the possibility that the DH wanted to treat his DW without the DW acting like an ungrateful twat?

It's obviously an alien concept to a lot on here that a man might try to do something nice for his wife but, believe me, it is entirely possible. 🙄

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 04/10/2023 21:01

Have you considered the possibility that the DH wanted to treat his DW without the DW acting like an ungrateful twat?

Do you treat your partner with a show aimed at children?!?

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 04/10/2023 21:04

Lifeofasd1 · 04/10/2023 20:38

I don't understand why you are angry though?
I get that you don't fancy it and may be bored st the thought of it but why angry? It
Seems you have the funds to enjoy entertainment so you must be able to go to something else in near future so why are you angry. Just go and the pick something else next time.

Because she has been given no choice but to go and spend time in a theatre to see something neither her nor her dd want to see, a play that will leave her in pain (remember tte blue badge etc too?)

I don’t know about you but I usually don’t like being put in a situation where I know I will struggle and be in pain and have no say about it.

Branleuse · 04/10/2023 21:06

I think just don't go. Tell him that it was a thoughtless waste of money. That neither you or dd wanted to see it. That you're already upset that you can't go on the fancy holiday, and a children's theatre show where you won't be able to even get up and move about, and is even too babyish for DD is hardly a consolation. That he should try and get his money back, and in future maybe check first

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:08

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 04/10/2023 21:04

Because she has been given no choice but to go and spend time in a theatre to see something neither her nor her dd want to see, a play that will leave her in pain (remember tte blue badge etc too?)

I don’t know about you but I usually don’t like being put in a situation where I know I will struggle and be in pain and have no say about it.

Show quote history

I’m so confused by this. Do you know the 0p? I’ve read her posts again and I can’t grasp how you know she’s no choice. is the relationship abusive and you know her?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 04/10/2023 21:29

Don't go and tell him never to book surprises again.

I made it clear to my now husband at the beginning of our relationship that I did not like surprises.

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 21:29

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 04/10/2023 21:01

Have you considered the possibility that the DH wanted to treat his DW without the DW acting like an ungrateful twat?

Do you treat your partner with a show aimed at children?!?

No, because we don't have kids, unlike the OP. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Beachwalker66 · 04/10/2023 21:37

I would have asked DH why he had booked inappropriate theatre tickets and explained that neither myself or DD were interested in the show.

Thanks but no thanks would suffice here surely?

ChampagneLassie · 04/10/2023 21:41

Eh? Neither of you want to go so why go? Give tickets away if you can. If he’s hurt then sorry but DD isn’t keen and neither are you for the numerous reasons you’ve put here.

ChampagneLassie · 04/10/2023 21:45

J007 · 04/10/2023 20:30

I'm a man and this is the sort of thing I'd do. But genuinely I'd believe that I'm doing something nice.

I have surprised my wife like this a number of times and to my knowledge it has gone down well. Understand that there is a bit more to this because of the holiday but, it has got me thinking about whether I should continue to organise 'surprise' show tickets/events without asking first and whether they're just being polite about enjoying it. If I am doing something with one of the children I often help arrange something for my wife and the other child to do. And yes she does get jealous(she tells me, it's a jealous as in I wish I was there but, also happy that a child is having daddy/daughter or son time) if I've gone out for a nice meal etc so this helps keep everyone happy.

Camping is a good example where my wife hates it but, feels she is missing out when she gets pictures of some of the adventures.. This is when I would be likely to arrange something for her (and yes she is always invited camping ;) - sometimes we'd talk but, sometimes it'd be a surprise.

What I think I'm trying to say is that this guy may think he is doing a nice thing and not be sinister. It might just not be well thought through!

Agree with this I don’t think it’s sinister so don’t get all riled up. Thank him for thought but sorry really not DD thing and you’d be too uncomfortable to enjoy.

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 21:47

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 21:29

No, because we don't have kids, unlike the OP. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Show quote history

The child is his too. He could have taken his child himself but didn’t want to so dumped it on OP.

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 21:53

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 21:47

The child is his too. He could have taken his child himself but didn’t want to so dumped it on OP.

Show quote history

He bought the tickets as a treat for his DW and DD. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? If you remove your anti-male glasses for a few seconds you might understand.

Nagado · 04/10/2023 21:53

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 20:56

Have you considered the possibility that the DH wanted to treat his DW without the DW acting like an ungrateful twat?

It's obviously an alien concept to a lot on here that a man might try to do something nice for his wife but, believe me, it is entirely possible. 🙄

Show quote history

How is buying tickets for a show aimed at children, that he’s confirmed he wouldn’t want to sit through himself, a treat for his wife? What exactly is she supposed to be grateful for? What aspect of the whole event is it she’s supposed to find enjoyable? Would you be grateful if your DW bought you a Barbie doll so you could play with your DD, because she thought it was boring? At best, he’s tried to do something nice for their DD, but this is very much a chore for the OP.

I’m well aware that lots of husbands do nice things for their wives. My husband is one of them. And that’s how I recognise the difference between a treat for me and the thoughtless chore he’s given her, that he doesn’t want to do himself.

CherryMaDeara · 04/10/2023 21:56

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 21:53

He bought the tickets as a treat for his DW and DD. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? If you remove your anti-male glasses for a few seconds you might understand.

Show quote history

How is it a treat for OP? It’s a kids show and he has admitted he doesn’t want to see it himself. OP is on crutches and is dreading it.

More like he gets to pretend this is a treat for OP so he can go on a holiday guilt free as OP has to look after their child.

perichickenwings · 04/10/2023 21:59

If your DD doesn't want to go then that'a your answer. If she was desperate to go then I'd absolutely go.

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