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Original poster

Annoyed by DH's 'nice' treat

193 replies

nothingevergoesright · 04/10/2023 17:47

Apologies as this is a rant and I know it's probably a problem lots of people would like to have.

DH has arranged for DD and me to go to the theatre tomorrow night. As the time draws closer, I find myself more and more angry about it.

I went to see a comedian last week with DH, and it was nice to do something together, but by the end of the night my back was killing me (and I had a migraine, something which I can feel starting again now).

Last week was a relatively short show, with no interval, tomorrow's is much longer with half an hour interval. We are sat at the front, and I walk with crutches, so dread trying to get up and queue for the loo or stretch my legs.

It's not something I want to see. When DH told me he'd booked it I assumed he was taking DD, but he doesn't want to see it (it's a show/comedy aimed at kids), so thought it would be nice for DD and me.

DD doesn't really want to go, she's a teenager now and too cool for this kind of thing.

Luckily DH is off tomorrow, as if he was working I wouldn't be able to go, as the towns buses finish by that time and I refuse to use our local taxis (which are also exorbitant). I can't drive, but have a blue badge, so walking is out. It won't finish until after 10pm and 13yr old has school the next day.

DH is going abroad with his DS next week, to somewhere I wanted to go, but due to not having anyone to have DD for a few days, I had to pull out, so he asked his DS to go. They have an itinerary, including drinking at night and doing what they want, so I guess that he booked this for us as a consolation prize, which it's not, as I don't want to go.

I know I should be grateful, but I just wished he'd asked me before booking it. He goes at the weekend and will be working until just hours before, so tomorrow night was the last night with him before he went.

I feel bad ranting, but just wish he'd asked me, before choosing what I do and where I go, especially as it's not something he wants to do.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 05/10/2023 13:12

I'd go down with a really bad migraine and be unable to go. He can go on his own or invite a friend to go with him. By being ill you don't look ungrateful.

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 14:47

asleep · 05/10/2023 12:04

Feel free not to hang out on Mumsnet @Barry, seeing as you hate it and women so much.

Wrong and wrong. It's typical of certain people that if ever someone challenges them they assume it's because they hate them. That says more about you than anything else.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2023 14:48

It's typical of certain people that if ever someone challenges them they assume it's because they hate them. That says more about you than anything else.

I'm sure many of us totally agree with you on that point!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

13 year olds
BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 14:48

caringcarer · 05/10/2023 13:12

I'd go down with a really bad migraine and be unable to go. He can go on his own or invite a friend to go with him. By being ill you don't look ungrateful.

Don't be coming on here with your kind, diplomatic approach!

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 14:49

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2023 14:48

It's typical of certain people that if ever someone challenges them they assume it's because they hate them. That says more about you than anything else.

I'm sure many of us totally agree with you on that point!

👏👏👏

Spacehopperno1 · 05/10/2023 14:56

It’s not a matter of being ungrateful. It’s really important in a healthy relationship that you can be honest with your partner. Saying “Thanks for the thought but neither of us want to go to this, I’m going to give it to Struan down the road because he’d love to take his wee boy” isn’t humiliating to someone hearing that. Or it shouldn’t be, if it is then they need to work on their own self esteem.

Cowlover89 · 05/10/2023 14:56

Just don't go

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2023 15:02

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 14:47

Wrong and wrong. It's typical of certain people that if ever someone challenges them they assume it's because they hate them. That says more about you than anything else.

Show quote history

So what did you mean by Exactly. The pure hatred runs deep.?

From where I’m sitting, this reads as an assumption that the posters (women), who’ve argued op’s dh is in the wrong and those, who don’t agree with you hate men.

frazzledasarock · 05/10/2023 15:07

Why didn’t the H in this instance ask both OP and his DD if they’d be interested in going to this show?

Neither DH nor I would book a show for the other to take the kids to without discussing it with eachother and knowing for sure the kids would enjoy it. And we would want to/be able to attend.

it’s sounds like it would be an ordeal for OP & DD isn’t interested. Why on earth did the H not talk to his wife and child about it first?

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 15:11

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2023 15:02

So what did you mean by Exactly. The pure hatred runs deep.?

From where I’m sitting, this reads as an assumption that the posters (women), who’ve argued op’s dh is in the wrong and those, who don’t agree with you hate men.

Show quote history

Just read the post from @Hellaweirdhuh, it's self explanatory.

sandyhappypeople · 05/10/2023 16:32

CherryMaDeara · 05/10/2023 07:10

Even though it's something your wife and child don't actually want to go to?

It's only a nice 'treat' is it's something they want to do and would enjoy it, if not, at best it can only be a nice 'idea' unrealised.

It sounds like he felt bad that OP couldn't come on the holiday so tried to find something she could enjoy with her daughter to make up for the fact that he's going with his son instead, but unfortunately it's fell completely flat, because neither want to do what he's gone ahead and booked for them.

Yes @sandyhappypeople

He gets to go on a holiday HE chooses with WHO he chooses (his son)

And he sends his wife and daughter to a show neither of them want to see so he can feel better about himself. Even though his wife is on crutches and it will be awkward for her,

I think he knows perfectly well OP wouldn’t enjoy the show, but it’s all about him.

I can see why a pp thought he’s controlling, but at the very least he is spectacularly selfish and self-serving.

He gets to go on a holiday HE chooses with WHO he chooses (his son)

as far as I can tell, he hasn’t CHOSEN to go with his son, he was supposed to be going with OP but she’s had to pull out? Or have I misunderstood the op?

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2023 18:51

BarryTaylor · 04/10/2023 20:56

Have you considered the possibility that the DH wanted to treat his DW without the DW acting like an ungrateful twat?

It's obviously an alien concept to a lot on here that a man might try to do something nice for his wife but, believe me, it is entirely possible. 🙄

Show quote history

Why is someone being ungrateful when someone else has given no thought to what they'd like and bought something random?

It's not 'nice' when there's no thought

Globules · 05/10/2023 19:19

Did you go then @nothingevergoesright ?

Frances0911 · 05/10/2023 19:19

Does he want to get you both out the house for some reason?

Apart from the fact that neither of you want to go anyway, wouldn't it have been better to book the show for Friday or Saturday night when DD doesn't have school?

Areyouok · 05/10/2023 19:21

So he booked a holiday abroad (presumably without asking you) which you can't go on,he then books a theatre trip to a show which neither of you want to see!? I think there are some serious communication issues here and a much bigger problem which needs addressing. As for the show , definitely don't go ,maybe he will think more carefully about wasting money next time

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 19:51

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2023 18:51

Why is someone being ungrateful when someone else has given no thought to what they'd like and bought something random?

It's not 'nice' when there's no thought

Show quote history

The OP has clearly said that the DH "thought it would be nice for DD and me", so he obviously DID put some thought to it. Like so many others on here, you seem to be completely unable (or unwilling) to understand that.

My DW has been watching this thread with interest. She says it vindicates her decision to stop reading MN years ago. "It's plagued by feminazis who find it impossible to see past their own misandry". Her words, not mine.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2023 20:09

Is anyone playing bingo on this thread?😂

Atsocta · 05/10/2023 20:14

Can’t you just explain all that to him ?

AutumnFroglets · 05/10/2023 20:15

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2023 20:09

Is anyone playing bingo on this thread?😂

Very very quietly as I don't want to alert OPs DH to my presence 😉

Sidebeforeself · 05/10/2023 20:17

Sometimes people buy gifts that just aren’t right. A nice idea at the time, but they haven’t thought it through? No need for all the anger . Unless he’s normally a complete arsehole, just let him know this one isn’t a winner

Londongal1984 · 05/10/2023 20:35

Hmmm, I reckon he wants to get you out the way! My ex husband used to do “nice” treats… long activities etc

gamerchick · 05/10/2023 20:51

BarryTaylor · 05/10/2023 19:51

The OP has clearly said that the DH "thought it would be nice for DD and me", so he obviously DID put some thought to it. Like so many others on here, you seem to be completely unable (or unwilling) to understand that.

My DW has been watching this thread with interest. She says it vindicates her decision to stop reading MN years ago. "It's plagued by feminazis who find it impossible to see past their own misandry". Her words, not mine.

Show quote history

Bet you're properly fun at parties you like....

tachetastic · 05/10/2023 21:06

So he doesn't want to go and you don't want to go. Even your daughter doesn't want to go. Why is anybody going????

If someone has to go to this awful show, explain nicely to DH that it should be him and why. You don't want to and you explained it really clearly in the OP. If he's reasonable he will be supportive.

More likely, he will take your point and then cancel as he doesn't want to go and probably doesn't think he should have to, but it doesn't sound like anybody will really care.

Then buy a bottle of wine, let your daughter and her friends order pizza, and everybody have a lovely evening. Except your DH who was probably hoping to have you all out of the house for eveing, but them's the breaks.

cannockcandy · 05/10/2023 21:09

I'm disabled, have serious spinal issues and pain and also walk with a cane. My son is 10. This would be a literal nightmare for me and I wouldn't go! Thankfully my OH wouldn't dream of doing something like this.
Imo he already planned on taking his son and got these tickets to placate you. Don't go and don't make your dd go either. Xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2023 21:34

No it isn’t self-explanatory @BarryTaylor Not at all.

Calling a disabled parent an ungrateful twat whilst having zero experience of what either being a parent or being disabled is like really isn’t a good look.