Annoyed by DH's 'nice' treat

[nothingevergoesright]

Apologies as this is a rant and I know it's probably a problem lots of people would like to have.

DH has arranged for DD and me to go to the theatre tomorrow night. As the time draws closer, I find myself more and more angry about it.

I went to see a comedian last week with DH, and it was nice to do something together, but by the end of the night my back was killing me (and I had a migraine, something which I can feel starting again now).

Last week was a relatively short show, with no interval, tomorrow's is much longer with half an hour interval. We are sat at the front, and I walk with crutches, so dread trying to get up and queue for the loo or stretch my legs.

It's not something I want to see. When DH told me he'd booked it I assumed he was taking DD, but he doesn't want to see it (it's a show/comedy aimed at kids), so thought it would be nice for DD and me.

DD doesn't really want to go, she's a teenager now and too cool for this kind of thing.

Luckily DH is off tomorrow, as if he was working I wouldn't be able to go, as the towns buses finish by that time and I refuse to use our local taxis (which are also exorbitant). I can't drive, but have a blue badge, so walking is out. It won't finish until after 10pm and 13yr old has school the next day.

DH is going abroad with his DS next week, to somewhere I wanted to go, but due to not having anyone to have DD for a few days, I had to pull out, so he asked his DS to go. They have an itinerary, including drinking at night and doing what they want, so I guess that he booked this for us as a consolation prize, which it's not, as I don't want to go.

I know I should be grateful, but I just wished he'd asked me before booking it. He goes at the weekend and will be working until just hours before, so tomorrow night was the last night with him before he went.

I feel bad ranting, but just wish he'd asked me, before choosing what I do and where I go, especially as it's not something he wants to do.

Why don’t you cancel or sell the tickets then?

Or tell him to take DD if you’re struggling.

Are you sure you don’t want to go or are you just cutting your nose off to spite your face because you’re annoyed you’re not going on holiday?

DH has done a nice thing.

It would have been nicer to ask them if they wanted to go?!

Drive's me potty when people organise my life for me

DH has done a nice thing.

Buying someone something they don't want that wastes their time and is likely to cause them discomfort is not a 'nice thing'. Perhaps he had good intentions but it was thoughtless and inconsiderate.

"Hey Bob, I really appreciate the gesture of buying DD and I tickets to go to that show but I have to be honest that she feels its a bit young for her and I'll find it a real physical strain to go. It would have been good for you to check with me first about it. I'd like to offer the tickets to Sally as I think she and her daughter might love it, but if there's someone else you'd like to offer them to, I'm happy for you to do so."

Job done, his feelings about his decision-making process are his to deal with from that point on.

Don’t go, I wouldn’t even tell him.
Id let him drop me off and then go for a nice meal with DD.

Put the tickets on local facebook and give them away. Then you can feel good and not go!

Do you feel a migraine coming on op? I would ifI was you. He will unfortunately have to step in while you have a lie down.

Don't go.

Don't go, sell or give the tickets away.

I definitely wouldn't go, either get dh to go with dd due to your back/migraine or get him to pass on both tickets. Why would he expect you to be grateful for going to a kiddie's show?

He doesn't want to go, you definitely don't. Your daughter's really not that bothered....so why go? I don't understand why you didn't say at the time that you didn't want to see it.
You have choices. No one goes, give the tickets away. Would daughter be responsible enough to go with a friend? An outing to the theatre with a friend would be so much more exciting. If I could arrange this I might even tell a white lie and say you can can take them but not collect. Then I'd get a takeaway and enjoy relaxing in each others company, maybe even a drink.
Would your son oblique? Could he take her and give you a reprieve?
Or tell him you have a migrane and let him take her.

What comes through your post is that you're in pain. Physical pain which is making your miserable and affecting your life. Can you do anything about painkillers? If I rerun your post I can relate to a lot of it, but I think I'd be determined to enjoy the theatre with DD. Sounds as if you're struggling to do this. Any chance of nagging the GP to help you improve your QoL? Hugs.

If it's his day off maybe he just wants the house to himself for a bit?

If my daughter didn't want to go and I struggled getting around on crutches, then I wouldn't go! Why would you go?! Just tell hubby the kid doesn't fancy it, and I'd struggle too much on crutches. Perhaps wasting money on unwanted tickets, will teach him to ask first?!

No one’s organising her life.

Some people like to do nice things for people.

He bought her and DD tickets to something he thought she’d like.

If she doesn’t then she can just sell them.

He’s not forcing her to go.

What @CheekyHobson said above. You can say it in a nice way while making it clear that it’s not happening.

If neither of you knows anyone who would actually want to go, sell or give away the tickets on FB.

Ask him not to do this kind of thing again. It’s too much effort and expense to waste on something nobody wants to see.

I hope your back improves and migraine eases off quickly xx

You shouldn’t go if you don’t want to and you know your dd doesn’t want to go either. He should have asked you first. He should have remembered how you were in pain after the comedy show.

In my opinion, he should have taken you on holiday knowing you did want to do that. He could have helped find someone to stay with your dd.

What jumps out at me here is that you state how disabled you are and struggle with sitting down and walking, yet you don't seem to raise any of these issues in relation to going on holiday, which presumably would be even harder work. It's as though you are throwing every reason and obstacle in the way of going to the theatre rather than just being upfront and telling him that your DD and yourself don't wish to go. Just sell the tickets online and arrange something that you do want to do. But if you use your disability as an excuse for not going to the theatre, then your husband could use it as a reason why you are unable to join him on holiday. Just be more honest and upfront.

I agree with the others. Don't go, or he takes DD.

It wasn't a thoughtful thing to do. He didn't ask you. He didn't ask DD. What if either of you had already planned something for that night?

Being thoughtless and inconsiderate isn't "nice".

So sitting on a plane is okay, but not in a theatre

Niether if you want to go so don’t go!

Or, “Hey Bob, we're not going because I’d rather poke my eyes with a stick. Why don’t you take your son? “

Sell the tickets and arrange something else for you both

This.

Well, because Bob’s son seems to be of drinking age so clearly too old for a show that a younger teenager might plausibly have been okay with seeing.

I’m assumed the OP would want to strike a balance between believing her DP had good intentions and kindly correcting his misguided thinking, rather than simply humiliating him.