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Original poster

Postman keeps making lewd comments about my husband, should I make a complaint?

229 replies

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 13:10

We've lived at this address for seven years with the same postie throughout this time. Over the past year or so, our post man has starting making lewd comments about my husband and its become quite tiresome. Both hubby and I work from home, so either one of us runs to the door for deliveries. I now dread it! He never says anything inappropriate to my husband but when I go to the door, it's all lewd innuendo, targetted at my husband. Needless to say, the postman is a gay man and I have no issue with that. It's the constant suggestive comments and the fact that he can't seem to just hand us our mail with a pleasant greeting like he used to do. It just seems disrespectful and utterly cringe worthy! Should I complain to Royal Mail? Or should I let it go? The other neighbours seem happy with him, so the cringy chit chat seems to be aimed at us. It's horrible and both hubby and I hate it!

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 05/10/2023 10:31

Furryrug · 04/10/2023 17:52

He's on first name terms with most people and sometimes delivers mail in fancy dress, including fairy wings and a tiara, despite being an unkempt older man

WTF !

Exactly….
That is bloody weird and I would not feel comfortable with that at all… and I’m sure the postal service wouldn’t either…he sounds very dodgy.

CloakandDagger1 · 05/10/2023 10:34

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MatchingPendants · 05/10/2023 10:39

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NotSuchASmugMarried · 05/10/2023 16:56

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 17:05

That's what I'm going to do. Next time I get a parcel and he has to knock and get a photo...giving him time to do his usual 'your husband (insert pervy comment here)'...wafting his face with his hand, over the top acting - I will have a word with him about it and if he doesn't stop, I will make a formal complaint.

I would just say "fuck off you Cunt, he's a married man".

Original poster
wimsywon · 05/10/2023 17:13

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@MatchingPendants What a ridiculous comment. Please note that you are not obliged to comment on this thread and certainly not intellectually equipped to analyse me as an individual. At no point was I homophobic. I clearly stated a fact in my life right now that happens to involve a gay man. Take your paranoia elsewhere, thanks.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/10/2023 17:33

Next time he makes a comment, look baffled. Ask him what exactly he meant.

Yeahno · 05/10/2023 17:43

Do you have any proof of what is happening? If not, get a ring doorbell or similar to record these interactions. That alone may be enough to make him back off.

OneLittleFinger · 05/10/2023 17:49

I'd get a large box for the post and a Ring doorbell. That way you'll know when he's been so the post won't be left to be pinched but you won't have to deal with him.

FreyaWill · 05/10/2023 19:16

If you want to avoid confrontation, all you need to do is provide a designated safe place. If you have a porch, that's ideal, but a lidded box will suffice.

Isinglass20 · 05/10/2023 19:59

Excuse me? Hard stare

Playingintheshadow · 05/10/2023 20:10

Why not just be direct fgs - "stop making comments like that because you are making me feel uncomfortable so take your fairy wings and fuck off"

Shyam35 · 05/10/2023 20:17

Like what??? It's hard to determine without knowing what was actually said.

Playingintheshadow · 05/10/2023 20:21

Shyam35 · 05/10/2023 20:17

Like what??? It's hard to determine without knowing what was actually said.

No need to know what was actually said. It is lewd and it's unwanted. That's sufficient.

Winnipeg23 · 05/10/2023 20:26

Choconuttolata · 04/10/2023 14:15

A Ring doorbell or equivalent can record encounters with people coming to the door. I have used it before to prove that delivery drivers have not tried to deliver when they claim they have. You can set the settings to save the recordings beforehand and then you can contact Royal Mail. It is highly inappropriate behaviour, he is delivering mail to vulnerable people and is making jokes about entering your home.

Yes..this is gross behaviour. He's not nice or appropriate..record it and report it. He will be doing it to others who might be more intimidated. Seems a right perv to me..no thank you.

Shyam35 · 05/10/2023 20:26

It made me feel annoyed? Do you think that's sufficient in a court of law? We can all feel things about a lot of things but what was actually said matters.

heartsinvisiblefury · 05/10/2023 20:33

Call him out. Get him to explain exactly what he means. In fact tell him to wait while you go and get your husband and he can tell him directly. Bet he'll not be so free with his chat then.

Panaa · 05/10/2023 21:09

I have yet to say anything because the backlash on me will be a mob coming after me with rolling pins! I am assertive when necessary but not enough to fend off an angry mob

How would they know you said anything?

GUARDIAN1 · 05/10/2023 21:17

Just tell him to stop it - or if you don't feel comfortable with that, ask your husband to.

"Needless to say it's a gay man" is pretty offensive. None of my gay friends would behave like this with random members of the public.

Bugbabe1970 · 05/10/2023 21:18

Just tell him to wind his neck in

Balloonhearts · 05/10/2023 21:25

'Please stop with the jokes about DH. I know you're just messing but he really hates it and it makes us both uncomfortable.'

Job done.

Manymistakes68 · 06/10/2023 01:35

I'd say "don't you think it's getting a bit boring now" tut take the mail and walk off. From what you describe him wearing and his comments it sounds like he's getting off on it. He sounds a perv.

Rosejasmine · 06/10/2023 08:16

I’d say (nicely) something like ‘can you stop with the innuendo please? It’s a bit too much’ and it should stop. Or roll your eyes and look unhappy- hopefully he’ll get the message.

paradoxicalfrog · 06/10/2023 08:25

"I have yet to say anything because the backlash on me will be a mob coming after me with rolling pins! I am assertive when necessary but not enough to fend off an angry mob"

Several of us have asked you: How would they know? and you haven't answered.

If you tell him to stop his behaviour, do you really think he is going to tell the rest of the neighbourhood? You've given enough info here for someone local to you to pick up on it. You don't seem bothered it might end up on one of the town's FB pages so why all this fear or the neighbours getting to hear that you've had words with him. It doesn't make sense.

Just tell him to stop and move on. You're an adult, deal with it like an adult. Are you frightened of him?

Hmm1234 · 06/10/2023 10:08

Yes report using the online form. The standards of Royal Mail staff have gone downhill lately

paradoxicalfrog · 06/10/2023 10:30

I wonder whether he pitches up for work at the sorting office rocking his fairy wings and tiara? I suspect probably not. It might be considered "normal" in a small Devon town but it's hardly professional.

If you had a teenage daughter who answered the door to the postman and he was making remarks about her and her boyfriend, I feel sure you would nip this in the bud.

So why are you so reluctant to put a stop to this while he's doing this to you? I don't buy this would risk "a backlash from an angry mob with rolling pins" excuse - it's ridiculous.