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Original poster

Postman keeps making lewd comments about my husband, should I make a complaint?

229 replies

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 13:10

We've lived at this address for seven years with the same postie throughout this time. Over the past year or so, our post man has starting making lewd comments about my husband and its become quite tiresome. Both hubby and I work from home, so either one of us runs to the door for deliveries. I now dread it! He never says anything inappropriate to my husband but when I go to the door, it's all lewd innuendo, targetted at my husband. Needless to say, the postman is a gay man and I have no issue with that. It's the constant suggestive comments and the fact that he can't seem to just hand us our mail with a pleasant greeting like he used to do. It just seems disrespectful and utterly cringe worthy! Should I complain to Royal Mail? Or should I let it go? The other neighbours seem happy with him, so the cringy chit chat seems to be aimed at us. It's horrible and both hubby and I hate it!

OP posts:
amberisola · 04/10/2023 17:06

The best way to deal with creeps is to call them out, shame them and make them feel ridiculous (because they are). Don't be intimidated or let them know they've rattled you (eg. by lecturing them about inappropriate behaviour - they know, they enjoy it.)

I'd suggest next time he makes those comments you stare at him, look nonplussed, and loudly say "what?" before taking the post off him and shutting the door. Perhaps with an eye roll. If he does it again after that, it's time to laugh (at him, not nervously along with him) and say something like "wow that's a creepy thing to say!"... At which point, I would probably report him. If he values his job he should try being professional.

Olive19741205 · 04/10/2023 17:08

PeggyPoggleshaw · 04/10/2023 16:41

I suggest you read your previous posts back to yourself to understand what I'm talking about. Perhaps try to be a little less hostile? It shouldn't be difficult.

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Oh the irony 😂brilliant.

ginasevern · 04/10/2023 17:12

@wimsywon

Why has he only started to do this recently, after 7 years of being your postie?

Maireas · 04/10/2023 17:15

ginasevern · 04/10/2023 17:12

@wimsywon

Why has he only started to do this recently, after 7 years of being your postie?

Indeed. I can only think that the postie is so starved of company,that he's getting frisky. After all, most people in the UK have letterboxes and minimal contact.

watcherintherye · 04/10/2023 17:23

BlurredEdges · 04/10/2023 16:50

Yes, it's very difficult to visualise this happening, isn't it?

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Sadly not. My mind has all too readily conjured up an image of Larry Grayson dressed as a camp postman pouting and sucking in his cheeks. I blame too much Saturday evening 70s telly!

ArabellaScott · 04/10/2023 17:25

Finlesswonder · 04/10/2023 13:16

Like what? "Here's a nice big hard package for bob, I hope he can take it"?

😂

Wheresmypal · 04/10/2023 17:27

Finlesswonder · 04/10/2023 13:16

Like what? "Here's a nice big hard package for bob, I hope he can take it"?

Sorry but that made me laugh!

ArabellaScott · 04/10/2023 17:28

Sorry for laughing, I couldn't help it.

OP this sounds really horrible and unpleasant. I'd perhaps suggest not answering the door for a while. Have you got somewhere else he could deliver the post, an external box sounds like a great idea.

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 17:29

BodegaSushi · 04/10/2023 16:57

faux naievety is also a MN go-to response, it's tedious.

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Really? I think the most common response is needless hostility and an irrational level of certainty.

Original poster
wimsywon · 04/10/2023 17:31

ginasevern · 04/10/2023 17:12

@wimsywon

Why has he only started to do this recently, after 7 years of being your postie?

Good question. I can only think that it started when my husband started working from home more and was going to the door more often for post/parcels. My husband is naturally quite standoffish and not really a target for anyones sexual innuendo, male or female. He's a lovely guy just doesn't do banter or flirting, he's polite and will greet people in a friendly manner. It's odd that the postman is behaving like this because he gets no encouragement from us.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 17:35

Olive19741205 · 04/10/2023 16:38

Sorry? What on earth are you talking about? Do you not know how public forums work? I suggest YOU wind your neck in.

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There are actual human beings on the other end of the messages that you are posting. You've no idea what is happening in their lives or how your words will affect them.

Seriously- what's wrong with you that you are so aggressive to strangers over nothing?

ginasevern · 04/10/2023 17:39

@wimsywon

I guess that's it then. All very distressing. You say the other neighbours like him. Is there anyway you can find out if he uses this "humour" on them as well? Maybe he does it a lot, gets a laugh and thinks it's all fine. Which of course it is not.

DiaNaranja · 04/10/2023 17:43

Just tell him he died. That will shut him up

AllHopeandRainbows · 04/10/2023 17:44

I’m sorry but I think it’s going to be impossible for us to decide who is BU until we’ve seen a photo of said husband 🤷🏼‍♀️
🤣🤣

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/10/2023 17:45

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 17:31

Good question. I can only think that it started when my husband started working from home more and was going to the door more often for post/parcels. My husband is naturally quite standoffish and not really a target for anyones sexual innuendo, male or female. He's a lovely guy just doesn't do banter or flirting, he's polite and will greet people in a friendly manner. It's odd that the postman is behaving like this because he gets no encouragement from us.

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What sort of age is your postman?

I ask because there are some forms of dementia (and brain tumours) where people can lose their inhibitions and these behaviours can start (he'd been fine for the first six years). But, you also say he doesn't do this to the neighbours, so I'm probably talking bollocks.

Original poster
wimsywon · 04/10/2023 17:47

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2023 16:39

I think it is a reasonable question.

OP does not give off a vibe of being assertive somehow and has avoided answering this question, which was asked by more than one poster. She is clear that the behaviour has gone on for around a year now, so it is highly doubtful that she has asked him to stop.

If she had told him bluntly to stop or she would report his creepy comments to his employer (and followed through as necessary) then it is highly likely that that would have been the end of it.

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I live in a small town, said postie is well liked. He's on first name terms with most people and sometimes delivers mail in fancy dress, including fairy wings and a tiara, despite being an unkempt older man...he's a caricature at times, making him likable and non threatening to people. I have yet to say anything because the backlash on me will be a mob coming after me with rolling pins! I am assertive when necessary but not enough to fend off an angry mob. I thought a professional approach would be better. Perhaps his manager could have a chat with him and there may even be complaints about him already...who knows!

OP posts:
ginasevern · 04/10/2023 17:49

@wimsywon

Sorry, just read that he doesn't do this to the neighbours. Maybe he has had a nervous breakdown or is in early dementia but either way, you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable on a daily basis. I would speak to him in person before reporting him but then report if it doesn't stop. Does your husband ever answer the door to him? It might be an idea to let him get the post and see what postie does.

sonjadog · 04/10/2023 17:52

If he is popular locally and is known for being a "character", then it is even more likely that the comments are meant as part of the joke. I would definitely speak to him before going to his manager. If he is professional, he should stop the comments when you ask him to. If he doesn't, then take it to his manager. I understand you don't want a backlash from the neighbourhood. One thing that I would think would guarantee that is going straight to his manager without even trying to talk to him first.

Furryrug · 04/10/2023 17:52

He's on first name terms with most people and sometimes delivers mail in fancy dress, including fairy wings and a tiara, despite being an unkempt older man

WTF !

paradoxicalfrog · 04/10/2023 17:54

I live in a small town, said postie is well liked. He's on first name terms with most people and sometimes delivers mail in fancy dress, including fairy wings and a tiara, despite being an unkempt older man...he's a caricature at times, making him likable and non threatening to people.

Just tell him firmly to stop and escalate if he doesn't.

paradoxicalfrog · 04/10/2023 17:58

"...and sometimes delivers mail in fancy dress, including fairy wings and a tiara, despite being an unkempt older man."

That would be enough for me to install an external delivery box. 😀

IAmHeartless · 04/10/2023 17:59

Haven’t RTFT but get a ring doorbell and you can have it all on camera

MintyCedric · 04/10/2023 18:01

I would definitely record a few incidents first to cover your arse.

Then I’d say to him, “look you’re a great pastor and we enjoy the fun antics as much as the neighbours but the constant sexual remarks about DH are really getting a bit much so perhaps you could rein it in from now on”.

He sounds like a bloke who loves attention and wants to be popular so hopefully that would be enough to make him pack it in.

MintyCedric · 04/10/2023 18:02

Great postman obviously

wtf with my autocorrect?!

Crochetablanket · 04/10/2023 18:04

IAmHeartless · 04/10/2023 17:59

Haven’t RTFT but get a ring doorbell and you can have it all on camera

That’s what I would do.

Your comments about dressing up seems like he has a ‘ persona’ he likes to cultivate and I’d be surprised if he doesn’t do the same ( re comments) to others.

it’s all almost like when he gets called out, people will then say ‘ oh that’s Bob you know what he’s like he’s harmless’.

It’s hiding in plain sight.

It’s not funny - and you get to decide whether it bothers you - not the other way around.