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Original poster

Postman keeps making lewd comments about my husband, should I make a complaint?

229 replies

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 13:10

We've lived at this address for seven years with the same postie throughout this time. Over the past year or so, our post man has starting making lewd comments about my husband and its become quite tiresome. Both hubby and I work from home, so either one of us runs to the door for deliveries. I now dread it! He never says anything inappropriate to my husband but when I go to the door, it's all lewd innuendo, targetted at my husband. Needless to say, the postman is a gay man and I have no issue with that. It's the constant suggestive comments and the fact that he can't seem to just hand us our mail with a pleasant greeting like he used to do. It just seems disrespectful and utterly cringe worthy! Should I complain to Royal Mail? Or should I let it go? The other neighbours seem happy with him, so the cringy chit chat seems to be aimed at us. It's horrible and both hubby and I hate it!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/10/2023 15:29

I would start off by asking him to stop the comments as they are making you uncomfortable. He might think this is a joke that you are both enjoying. I would certainly do that before reporting him or recording him or such like. React like it is a miscommunication before trying to wreck the man's career...

lemmein · 04/10/2023 15:29

Id get a ring doorbell and a storage box so you don't need to answer to the tosser!

Not sure why some are making light of this tbh, you shouldn't feel apprehensive answering the door to the fucking postman. Hopefully a ring doorbell will shut him up but if not report him, it's not ok.

Iamclearlyamug · 04/10/2023 15:32

Can you get a ring doorbell and enable the audio?

Then report him, what a freak show 🤦‍♀️🤮

Diyextension · 04/10/2023 15:32

Or buy him a big dildo and say “ there you go ,sort yourself out “. With ‘ now fuck off ‘ written on the side of it in black marker . 🙂

lemmein · 04/10/2023 15:34

sonjadog · 04/10/2023 15:29

I would start off by asking him to stop the comments as they are making you uncomfortable. He might think this is a joke that you are both enjoying. I would certainly do that before reporting him or recording him or such like. React like it is a miscommunication before trying to wreck the man's career...

How would the op be wrecking his career? It's quite possible to deliver letters without being a creepy fucker. if he's incapable of doing such a basic task maybe he's not up to it.

The OP is not responsible for this man's behaviour and the consequences of his actions.

MinnieGirl · 04/10/2023 15:37

Fix him with a death stare and tell him that his comments and behaviour are inappropriate and unacceptable. And that any reoccurrence will result in you making a formal complaint about him. Then take your mail, walk indoors and shut the door. No further discussion. If he starts the oh it was only a joke just repeat, any further reoccurrence and you will be reporting it.

He is getting away with this behaviour because you are allowing it.

0lga · 04/10/2023 15:40

As it’s now been going on for a year, it’s possible that the thinks it’s just a bit of banter that you both enjoy. So as a first step, I’d just say something about it getting a bit much now and could he please stop/ it’s no longer funny etc .

If that doesn’t work, I’d be a lot more blunt and tell him it needs to stop now.

If that doesn’t work , then by all means make a complaint to Royal Mail. But don’t go there first - you don’t want to fall out with your postman.

Remember that if you make a complaint about him and you can’t prove he’s done anything wrong, he could be on your route for the next 7 years.

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 15:41

@wimsywon What has he said when you asked him to stop?

RobynRB · 04/10/2023 15:46

0lga · 04/10/2023 15:40

As it’s now been going on for a year, it’s possible that the thinks it’s just a bit of banter that you both enjoy. So as a first step, I’d just say something about it getting a bit much now and could he please stop/ it’s no longer funny etc .

If that doesn’t work, I’d be a lot more blunt and tell him it needs to stop now.

If that doesn’t work , then by all means make a complaint to Royal Mail. But don’t go there first - you don’t want to fall out with your postman.

Remember that if you make a complaint about him and you can’t prove he’s done anything wrong, he could be on your route for the next 7 years.

Probably telling all your neighbours you're homophobic.

CosmicSoup · 04/10/2023 15:46

Absolutely brilliant whoever made the hard package gag (a gag might be on point too!) 😂, I'm sorry but I do see the humour in it - had it been once or twice.

The frequency and probably intensity must be tiresome.
Either confront him yourself and ask him to stop or phone Royal Mail and report him, it'll be easy to identify who does the rounds.

OP... get some assertiveness about you!

AInightingale · 04/10/2023 15:46

He's just a lech. Being a gay man doesn't make it any more acceptable. Imagine your husband was at home all day and a postman made suggestive comments to him about you. Chances are if it happened more than once your husband would get VERY annoyed, it might even end in a punch being thrown, being men!

diamondpony80 · 04/10/2023 15:51

DS 20 and all the younger male workers get this from a gay man in his retail workplace. This guy says stuff that DS said he can’t even repeat in front of me & that if he was saying it to girls he’d have been sacked for sexual harassment years ago. As it is because they’re all male they’re expected to laugh it off.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:53

diamondpony80 · 04/10/2023 15:51

DS 20 and all the younger male workers get this from a gay man in his retail workplace. This guy says stuff that DS said he can’t even repeat in front of me & that if he was saying it to girls he’d have been sacked for sexual harassment years ago. As it is because they’re all male they’re expected to laugh it off.

He’s a predator preying on young people and sexually harassing them and should be fired.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:53

And so should any higher ups who allow it to go on.

AliceOlive · 04/10/2023 15:56

I would just report him. I don't think sexual harassment requires the courtesy of a warning.

lemmein · 04/10/2023 15:57

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 15:41

@wimsywon What has he said when you asked him to stop?

'WhAt hAs hE sAID wHeN yOU aSKed hIm tO sToP?'

🙄

Blossomandbee · 04/10/2023 16:00

Why does your husband sit listening to some weirdo make lewd comments about him to you, knowing it makes you uncomfortable, and not step in?

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 16:00

lemmein · 04/10/2023 15:57

'WhAt hAs hE sAID wHeN yOU aSKed hIm tO sToP?'

🙄

Show quote history

What and eloquent and well reasoned response. Are you perhaps a barrister or philosopher.

LargeglassofRosePlease · 04/10/2023 16:02

NotSuchASmugMarried · 04/10/2023 13:15

Can't your husband tell him to keeping his fucking mouth shut and his foul comments to himself?

Yeah this

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2023 16:06

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 14:08

That's brilliant, thank you. I should ask if he finds other local men attractive or is just my husband. It's a fair question, I think. It might even make him realise how inappropriate he's being and that I might be about to make a complaint if he doesn't stop.

No. You shouldn't ask him that at all. Why engage with it and validate his behaviour? That would be totally inappropriate of you.

Just tell him bluntly to button it and stop the inappropriate remarks and that if he continues you will report him to his employer. It really is that simple.

Olive19741205 · 04/10/2023 16:12

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 15:41

@wimsywon What has he said when you asked him to stop?

😂Why do people insist on saying this on threads?

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 04/10/2023 16:12

Put a door cam up; bet that will stop it. And if it doesn't, you can report it with evidence.

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 16:17

Olive19741205 · 04/10/2023 16:12

😂Why do people insist on saying this on threads?

Show quote history

OP is talking about making a complaint to RM. Presumably she's told this bloke his comments are unwanted but he's not stopped. I can't see anything in her posts that makes what's been said clear- so I asked.

Why does a mundane question elicit such odd responses?

PeggyPoggleshaw · 04/10/2023 16:19

At best his behaviour is very inappropriate and totally unprofessional. He needs to be told firmly that it needs to stop, otherwise you'll take it further.

Olive19741205 · 04/10/2023 16:20

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2023 16:17

OP is talking about making a complaint to RM. Presumably she's told this bloke his comments are unwanted but he's not stopped. I can't see anything in her posts that makes what's been said clear- so I asked.

Why does a mundane question elicit such odd responses?

Show quote history

You know fine well that the OP hasn't said anything to him. If she had she would have told us. You're trying to be a smart ass. There was a thread on here a few weeks back about annoying things Mumsnetters do/say on threads and your phrase was mentioned several times. That's why it's being rightly ridiculed, deservedly so.