Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Postman keeps making lewd comments about my husband, should I make a complaint?

229 replies

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 13:10

We've lived at this address for seven years with the same postie throughout this time. Over the past year or so, our post man has starting making lewd comments about my husband and its become quite tiresome. Both hubby and I work from home, so either one of us runs to the door for deliveries. I now dread it! He never says anything inappropriate to my husband but when I go to the door, it's all lewd innuendo, targetted at my husband. Needless to say, the postman is a gay man and I have no issue with that. It's the constant suggestive comments and the fact that he can't seem to just hand us our mail with a pleasant greeting like he used to do. It just seems disrespectful and utterly cringe worthy! Should I complain to Royal Mail? Or should I let it go? The other neighbours seem happy with him, so the cringy chit chat seems to be aimed at us. It's horrible and both hubby and I hate it!

OP posts:
WhichEllie · 04/10/2023 14:10

I’d be a lot more blunt than many people here. I’d just say “Your comments are sexual harassment and are upsetting to both of us. We don’t appreciate being harassed in our own home. Please stop.”

And then I’d report him regardless because gay or not he knows better than to make disgusting comments and I’m tired of men getting away with this crap.

ShinyPebble32 · 04/10/2023 14:10

Open the door with your tits out - I reckon that will scare him right off!

NoMor · 04/10/2023 14:10

"This joke's getting a bit old and you're starting to overstep the mark so can you stop now please?"

Speedweed · 04/10/2023 14:13

OliveWah · 04/10/2023 14:06

I'd have to say something, in my mind it would go something like this:

Postie: Oooh, if you weren't here... (makes as if to enter the house)

Me: Then what?

Postie: Wink😜

Me: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean?

Postie: You know, your husband... if you weren't here! Wink😍

Me: Do you mean 'if I wasn't here you would enter my house and sexually assault my husband'?

Postie: Errr.... No... Here's your post. (He then eaves and only ever makes very polite chit chat from that day on)

More likely is this:

Postie: Oooh, if you weren't here... (makes as if to enter the house)

Me: (Gets all flustered) Stop being weird! (slams door only to realise I have to sheepishly reopen it to retrieve the post from the Postie's outstretched hand)

If you don't feel comfortable saying something (and I think you should try), then absolutely do report it, no one should have to deal with sexual harassment - particularly not on your own doorstep!

So good!

Also, after the postie says 'if you weren't here...' etc, you could say '...My husband would still be straight. Sexuality isn't a choice you know!'

Choconuttolata · 04/10/2023 14:15

A Ring doorbell or equivalent can record encounters with people coming to the door. I have used it before to prove that delivery drivers have not tried to deliver when they claim they have. You can set the settings to save the recordings beforehand and then you can contact Royal Mail. It is highly inappropriate behaviour, he is delivering mail to vulnerable people and is making jokes about entering your home.

PenhillDarkMonarch · 04/10/2023 14:19

Personally I'd go for a simple "stop being weird" and close the door.

Startrekkeruniverse · 04/10/2023 14:22

ssd · 04/10/2023 13:12

Why cant you tell him to fucking rap it

agree - just tell him to fuck off.

JennyJenny8675309 · 04/10/2023 14:22

Finlesswonder · 04/10/2023 13:16

Like what? "Here's a nice big hard package for bob, I hope he can take it"?

🤣 I had a good laugh over this.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 04/10/2023 14:23

wimsywon · 04/10/2023 14:08

That's brilliant, thank you. I should ask if he finds other local men attractive or is just my husband. It's a fair question, I think. It might even make him realise how inappropriate he's being and that I might be about to make a complaint if he doesn't stop.

I'm not sure who that's in response too, but I'd be worried it might egg him on!

You could end up getting a run down of all the men on the street!

CowboyJoanna · 04/10/2023 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 14:23

Sexual harassment. Report it. He has repeatedly harassed you and your husband so it’s a fireable offense.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 14:25

He should not be on your route anymore after that behavior and should be fired for sexual harassment.

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 14:25

GoodnightJude1 · 04/10/2023 13:21

I think a “That’s really not appropriate” would suffice. Then just shut the door.
He’s doing it because he knows he can get away with it.
If he does it again then calmly tell him you’ll be contacting Royal Mail because you find his behaviour inappropriate and uncomfortable.
You need to tell him and give him a chance to stop before contacting Royal Mail I think. He may think you find it funny and that’s why he carries on!

Eh... don't. Never make an enemy out of your postman. Trust me, it isn't worth it. Simple solution: let your DH answer the door in future. Perhaps in sandals and white socks. Problem solved.

OhComeOnFFS · 04/10/2023 14:26

You're going to ask him if he finds other men attractive? Why would you do that? You don't get into conversation with someone who's sexually harassing you and your husband! Report him instead.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 14:28

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 14:25

Eh... don't. Never make an enemy out of your postman. Trust me, it isn't worth it. Simple solution: let your DH answer the door in future. Perhaps in sandals and white socks. Problem solved.

Show quote history

Never make an enemy out of your postman? He is sexually harassing the op and targeting her husband, licking his licks, implying he’d jump on her husband of she weren’t there. That is inexcusable, creepy, predatory behavior and is a fireable offense. He should no longer be allowed to do that route, that is obvious.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 14:28

Lips not licks

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/10/2023 14:30

I'd audio record the next several interactions using the voice recorder on your phone. Then I'd go straight to his employer.

I would not give him the heads up as you don't want your mail to go missing.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 04/10/2023 14:31

‘Could you just deliver the post without all the innuendo, please?’ would surely suffice.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/10/2023 14:32

Actually, just read the rest of your comments, I think a Ring doorbell would be better, to catch his gestures.

ThreeRingCircus · 04/10/2023 14:33

NoMor · 04/10/2023 14:10

"This joke's getting a bit old and you're starting to overstep the mark so can you stop now please?"

This is exactly what I'd say.

CatMattress · 04/10/2023 14:34

You could try a smart doorbell - either the recording capacity will put him off, or you'll have evidence to prove his creepiness.

CrashyTime · 04/10/2023 14:34

Ilefttownonsaturday · 04/10/2023 13:58

How about 'would you like me to report you to your manager for your inappropriate behaviour? No. Then I suggest you shut your mouth and get on with the job you're paid to do'. Then take the post and shut the door in his face.

Then he reports YOU to the PO for verbal abuse and they tell you to get a PO box as they won`t come to your door any more? I would just burp loudly as he is talking, take the mail from him and shut the door.

BritAirwaysgirl · 04/10/2023 14:35

Finlesswonder · 04/10/2023 13:16

Like what? "Here's a nice big hard package for bob, I hope he can take it"?

😂 😂 😂

icelollycraving · 04/10/2023 14:36

When I read this I found it interesting that it’s recent behaviour. I’d be wondering why now.
It just seems odd after interacting with you for years normally, that he’s doing this.
Absolutely don’t ask who else is attractive, that is weird and mad.
Shut it down. Next time, just say if I wasn’t here? What would you do? Just pass my husband his parcel? Same goes for me, thanks, bye.

CustardySergeant · 04/10/2023 14:37

"Simple solution: let your DH answer the door in future. Perhaps in sandals and white socks. Problem solved."

I strongly recommend that he wears a lot more than sandals and socks!

Swipe left for the next trending thread