Postman keeps making lewd comments about my husband, should I make a complaint?

[wimsywon]

We've lived at this address for seven years with the same postie throughout this time. Over the past year or so, our post man has starting making lewd comments about my husband and its become quite tiresome. Both hubby and I work from home, so either one of us runs to the door for deliveries. I now dread it! He never says anything inappropriate to my husband but when I go to the door, it's all lewd innuendo, targetted at my husband. Needless to say, the postman is a gay man and I have no issue with that. It's the constant suggestive comments and the fact that he can't seem to just hand us our mail with a pleasant greeting like he used to do. It just seems disrespectful and utterly cringe worthy! Should I complain to Royal Mail? Or should I let it go? The other neighbours seem happy with him, so the cringy chit chat seems to be aimed at us. It's horrible and both hubby and I hate it!

Oh, calm down. OP has given no indication to him that his comments are unwanted, and that can be done without complaining to his boss. Send out the husband in future. The postman doesn't say anything to him and if he does, then he can deal with it. Why is she so eager to run up and retrieve the post?

Unless... OP is afraid that something happened between the husband and the postman that started these remarks? And now she's twisting herself into knots trying to guard the door..and her DH's chastity.

If you think it might be ok and you wonder whether you are being too uptight about it OP, imagine if the postman was straight and it was your husband opening the door and the postman made sexual remarks to your husband about you every time - do you think that would be ok? Nope, I thought not.
It is exactly the same. Totally inappropriate.

Tell him he'd be better off trying his luck on grindr.

Tell him they dont make Carry On films any more, and he is too late for the Edinburgh Fringe so dont give up the day job.

God he sounds awful

This. You want proof, not for the postie to deny it, keep the round and disappear your post.

😆

Me too, I’d have reported it by now too. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Let Royal Mail/Post Office HR deal with him.

This is the most balanced response.

i would personally go with something catty like, my hubby would only ever flip for a hot guy so can it in… it’s never gonna happen. You’d be giving him the equivalent of a slap whilst making your boundaries clear.

Tell him your DH wouldn't sit on him if he was tired so you'd prefer if he'd just drop the innuendo.

Report him to Royal Mail.

Why do you see your postie so often? I couldn't tell you even whether mine is male or female, never really see them. I know it's not the same one, and I only open the door for a parcel and that comes in a separate van?

I know - I’ve just spat coffee all over my screen !!

Just say, could you stop that kind of language please, the next time he does it. He may not even realise he is doing it, and will probably be too embarrassed to argue. If he does argue just complain to RM.

I’d have a word with postie first and tell him you’re offended by his constant innuendo and don’t find it in the least amusing. Make it clear that if it happens again you’ll be complaining to Royal Mail.

This thread is comedy gold.

It's completely inappropriate. Gay or straight makes no difference, you don't overstep the mark like that. Home is the place where you sleep, raise your children, etc. It's where you are most vulnerable.

Personally, I wouldn't complain to his boss. I'd say to him, loud and clear, "I don't think that's an appropriate comment," then turn my back and go indoors. You don't need to be aggressive. Just be calmly assertive.

Please don't do this. It is very inappropriate. You just need to wait until he does it again, make sure your husband has heard him too, and then say
'You keep making these silly, suggestive remarks and I find them quite offensive, so does my husband. Can you stop please? ' and leave it at that. He'll stop.

Yuk how vile. Next time you answer the door have your phone in your hand filming.

😂😂😂

Subtle hints ain't gonna cut it with this wanker

I might be more sensitive than some, but I would find this uncomfortable and threatening. If you feel able, you both need to speak to him together, tell him his comments are inappropriate and if he doesn't stop, you'll report him. Alternatively, report him if he does it again (might be worth trying to record him on your phone so you have proof).

Call me old fashioned... but in priority order of escalation I'd:

1 politely and in a friendly tone let postman know it's not appropriate or appreciated, pls stop. Sometimes people think they're being friendly and building local rapport, misunderstandings happen, no harm no foul etc.
2 repeat step 1 but more pointedly, without the politeness or friendliness.
3 pull him to one side and tell to wind his neck in otherwise you'll report him if he continues to take the piss.
4 make a formal complaint to the post office
5 ask for further ideas on a forum because having taken the obvious steps 1-4, the problem continues.
6 be told on MN that husband is clearly gay and having an affair with the postman, so sorry you found out this way, flowers / virtual hugs / get your ducks lined up etc

Why do people keep saying post office ?? Royal mail and the post office are totally different companies.

Have you actually told him it's inappropriate? Or are you tinkly-laughing out of awkwardness? Either way it's gross behaviour and I'd get a ring doorbell, let the next few interactions be recorded then forward to his employers with a formal complaint. Wouldn't give him the heads up that you're doing so. Let that be as pleasant for him as his behaviour is for you.

Just have a word with his day off cover and tell them to have a word with him to stop it or you will end up taking it further. Once it gets round the office they will take the piss out of him and he’ll pack it up.