Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Every fucking year

257 replies

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 15:22

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

OP posts:
Bertiesmum3 · 02/10/2023 18:23

Mademetoxic · 01/10/2023 20:51

I would never ever expect £100 off my mother for Christmas. That's just a ludicrous amount. I have my own money.

Show quote history

My daughters don’t expect it, they all earn good money, I still either buy what they would like or give them money,

YDBear · 02/10/2023 18:26

Not sure how you can let someone down when they have no expectations in the first place but, in terms of incentivising some decision-making from the kids, it’s hard to beat my mums strategy of saying “you had better tell me what you want for Christmas or it’s going to be slippers.” If you aren’t a slipper-wearing household then substitute socks. Concentrates the mind wonderfully.

Theoldwrinkley · 02/10/2023 18:31

This is why I have a real issue with Christmas.....I have to buy that for them as they will have bought something for me. Take the (always welcome) initiative and suggest using the money you would have spent on them (and them not getting anything you want) on yourself. And they can spend (if they want to) on something they want. Or not spend st all. Such a tat-fest all in all.
But it does take courage to suggest it. Good luck.

Judecb · 02/10/2023 18:39

I have older kids too. Ask for a short list/ wish list, that you can pick from. They are adults and should be grateful for your thoughtfulness more than anything!!

browny1981 · 02/10/2023 18:48

What about a new purse or wallet with money in ? Amazon vouchers, perfume/aftershave, tickets for something, or another suggestion , ask them to create an amazon wish list and send it to you, they can update it when they see something and you can work off that ? I have 6 ranging from 2years to 25 and 3 grand children , I buy for my children and grandchildren but no other adults, the oldest 25 and 23 get things like ; a river island type purse or bag, some perfume, a tub of chocolates with some pound scratchcards on, charms for pandora or nomination, a hamper made of more expensive/premium toiletries and cosmetics that I get from August onwards and stash, mainly ONE NICE gift though as they're earning and live in own homes. If they have an upcoming holiday What about a new suitcase or holdall? If they drive maybe an alexa auto ? A voucher for their local nail bar or hairdresser/ eyelash tech ? I always stop the stocking fillers at 18 because they don't need it and would rather have cash Xx

postitnote8 · 02/10/2023 18:55

I’m the oldest ‘child’ at 38 and have my own children. Are your older ones in a similar position to me- able to buy the things they really want/need themselves, grateful for the grandparents’ gifts to their kids, not really wanting or expecting anything significant from (almost) pensioner parents?? Maybe they really don’t want or need anything from you or feel bad about you spending money on them?

Lovetoplan · 02/10/2023 19:11

PJs, funny t-shirt - found some one year on Everything5pounds and they went down really well, gift cards/vouchers as others have suggested, chocolate xmas gift box of some kind, fragrance - check Boots/Superdrug offers and online eg Ebay and Vinted.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 02/10/2023 19:20

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 15:37

They are my children. If I gave them 20.00 and a choc santa. They would wounder what they have done wrong

Show quote history

If my mother said this year its 20 quid and a chocolate Santa, I'd still be grateful. Everyone knows that costs are rising and people are struggling. I don't care what my parents give me, I just care that they're here. Have the conversation with them. Money is tight, I'd rather use it to enjoy time with you all, so this is my plan. See what they say.

Missingpop · 02/10/2023 19:28

Your dad from being alone; my two are 29 & 31 +son & daughter in law & one grandchild ask the adults what would you like for Christmas & every year I too get I don’t know I’ll think about it do they think about it? Do they fuck; I end up running around like a headless turkey getting stuff I start early because I’m not a fan of crowded places & I hate shopping I do what I can on line. They’re bloody pains in the arse 😂

Olderbutt · 02/10/2023 19:42

As above......Great idea 💡. Who doesn't appreciate an Amazon gift card

ThreeRingCircus · 02/10/2023 19:42

MIL used to do something for DH and his adult brothers and sisters that I thought was great. She'd fill a stocking for each of them every year and work off a formula for presents so they were similar but different.

So each year DH would get a stocking containing:

A bottle of booze (varied between nice vodka, whisky, gin or rum.)
A bottle of aftershave (or perfume for SILs)
A book.
Shower gel.
Socks for DH and his brother, earrings for his sisters.
Chocolates/sweets.

I thought it was a brilliant idea as limiting waste/tat as it's all consumable or useful and DH really liked receiving his stocking from his mum.

Morganrae1 · 02/10/2023 19:49

Give them money then they can get what they want. My kids had loads of things they didn't want or need when they got presents.

Ilovecleaning · 02/10/2023 20:09

Why the hell do you get stressed about it?

Winnipeg23 · 02/10/2023 20:24

I've stopped playing. Gifts for kids who still.need stuff. Everyone else we have an agreement of cards...or older kids, money/token.
Nobody can be bothered with the commercialism of it. The shops start in August. Disgusting in my opinion.
Christ is the King. The greatest gift of all. Let's focus on the real meaning of Christmas and not be pushed around by ridiculous norms now.

dottiedodah · 02/10/2023 20:40

I usually "do" Vouchers presented in a gift box wrapped in Christmas paper .I sometimes buy some in The Card Shop or online .Otherwise some Bisto tubs or biscuit/cereal boxes covered with Christmas wrap.There are lots to choose from as well .Uber ,Deliveroo,Amazon and a Visa top up thing as well .All widely avaliable from Smiths /Sainsburys and so on

Angrycat2768 · 02/10/2023 20:43

ThreeRingCircus · 02/10/2023 19:42

MIL used to do something for DH and his adult brothers and sisters that I thought was great. She'd fill a stocking for each of them every year and work off a formula for presents so they were similar but different.

So each year DH would get a stocking containing:

A bottle of booze (varied between nice vodka, whisky, gin or rum.)
A bottle of aftershave (or perfume for SILs)
A book.
Shower gel.
Socks for DH and his brother, earrings for his sisters.
Chocolates/sweets.

I thought it was a brilliant idea as limiting waste/tat as it's all consumable or useful and DH really liked receiving his stocking from his mum.

Thst sounds really great!

Invalidusername88 · 02/10/2023 20:46

BarbaraofSeville · 01/10/2023 19:46

But if I have to tell you what to buy its not a present.

Presents involve thought, effort, choosing.

If I'm doing that for you, how is it a present?

This ^^ 😐Sister from another Mister.

Morgysmum · 02/10/2023 21:18

What age are they?
Money or gift cards are a good idea, then they buy what they want.
My partner, says its not good to just give them money, but I always got presents from my aunties, that were not practical. 5 jewellery boxes, when I am allergic to knickle, so I cannot wear jewellery. Or make up, when again I am allergic to it and don't wear makeup. I had to get my mum, to explain to her sisters. That whilst grateful, money would be better, as I aren't allergic to money.. It does feel like, as it never stays around long. 😂

Jack80 · 02/10/2023 21:24

I would a love to shop or Amazon voucher

Needmorelego · 02/10/2023 21:33

@Jack80 but what would you spend it on? Why don't you just ask for whatever that is for your Christmas gift?
It seems a bit daft if you wanted - for example - the latest book by your favourite author. You say :
"An Amazon voucher would be great"
Gift giver goes to the shop and buys Amazon voucher.
You get voucher. Spend it on that book. You have to wait for it to be delivered.
Or...
"I'd really love to read the latest Sophie Kinsella"
Gift giver goes to shop and buys book 🤔

OhcantthInkofaname · 03/10/2023 02:55

I have told my children 39 and 43, don't buy me anything. I don't need more things.

mjf981 · 03/10/2023 05:46

Buy them each a goat for an African village.
Job done.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/10/2023 06:31

I think https://toilettwinning.org/ is perfect for such a situation.

Plus you get a certificate that you can frame and hang in your bath/cloakroom so a good reminder for the average hygiene obsessed Mumsnetter how fortunate we are to have access to safe in house sanitation.

Home - Toilet Twinning

https://toilettwinning.org

Tigernoodles81 · 03/10/2023 08:25

I do understand where you are coming from and we have this from my MIL every bloody year. it gets to October and she's nagging away on text about what to get for the kids. I. have 2 children, work full time, am a school governor and do all the after school clubs. I don't get chance to think about Christmas until end of November. and the constant nagging drives me potty and really makes me resent MIL. (well there are a myriad of other reasons as well but this adds to it!

I would put the money aside until they either give you some clues as to what they would like or see if you can find some nice pjs, underwear, smells, jumper that they might like. I always love it when I get a surprise gift, really make me feel as though someone has thought carefully about what I may like.