Every fucking year

[Everyyear]

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

This is exactly why Christmas is ridiculous. It causes stress around completely arbitrary gifts.

But why do you need to know now what they want? If you are willing to spend, say, £50 per person or £100 per person or whatever your budget is, just put that to one side as you save it until they do know what they want. Tell them if they haven't expressed any preference by, say, 5th December you are just going to guess.

As PP have said, I couldn't commit now to what I'll want in three months. I mean, I know lots of things I'd like, but I might see one of those things on sale myself between now and then and snap up a bargain, or I might think I'd like to place something that is getting worn out but then it breaks and I have to replace it immediately. And right now I look at end of season sales on summer clothes and keep seeing dresses I want, but actually in December I'd be delighted with a nice soft sweater.

Thank you for getting it 🤣. That's a brilliant idea I'm going to do that. And in the hean time I can grt the pj's etc as that's an every year thing thst we do. Thank you

i'm in my 40s and my mum still does this...it's really really annoying except she also wants lists for my kids now as well . she won't accept an answer of vouchers or money or tickets to a show either

It's exhausting

in turn i don't really ask my kids - the teens tell me or I just get them something i think they'll like and if they don't then it's no biggy to return and swap post xmas

they get annoyed with gma hounding them as well

OP just relax about it and be grateful they're not grabby types who overwhelm u with huge lists (if money is the problem then just stick it aside until it's reasonable to ask)

I don’t get it. If it’s “every year” then surely you’ve learned that they don’t know what they want in September. Why can’t you take the money you would spend on them, and put it in an envelope in a drawer, and take it back out in two months (start of December) when they might have actually started to think about Christmas?

Speaking for myself, I’m a similar age and have young kids, I’ve only just about recovered from summer holidays and thinking about September/back to school/new class/teacher/routine/new clubs etc. Someone asking me about Christmas would annoy me. Plus a lot of obvious Christmas gifts (new jumper, boots, hat, PJs, jacket etc) don’t become apparent that you need a new one until winter starts.

Not everyone wants to spend a quarter of the year thinking about Christmas

Absolutely right.

Voucher or a surprise that shows how well you know them

I have teens

I will get them things on my list - things I write down all year.

Example DD wants a triangle cushion for her bed
DD2 wants a new snoodie
DS has asked for football kit

Keep a list - makes it easier.

As for money - put £30 away a month - add adds up.

If you are struggling for money, then just say that you will stop buying presents once they are 25.

Just give the 21 year old some cash in to her account.

Make this the year you step back and don’t stress over it. Allocate a certain amount of time to thinking about it and shopping (1 morning max). Or just give them vouchers/money.

Honestly I would find this so annoying being asked what I want this time of year.

If money is so tight, then stop making such a big deal of it and either simplify it or stop!

You keep saying you have to ‘do it all on your own’ nobody is making you do anything. You dont need to be a martyr and you dont need to spend so much time, energy and money (esp if it’s tight) to show your family you love them

This really is about you, your behaviour and expectations rather than theirs

@Everyyear I get it because I have 5 adult DD's, their partners, grandchildren and also have a very demanding full time job, house etc like everyone else. I LOVE Christmas and we do it all in a big way. That's my choice, I love it, so do they and I count my blessings that they all still want to come home for the celebrations. It IS stressful though if you're responsible for everything. I am beyond grateful that I can do it but it does take a lot of planning and preparation. Hope it works out for you.

Thats not what I was asking at all

I find having to think of thoughtful, imaginative and appropriately-budgeted presents for other people to get me hard work, stressful and ultimately pointless. I’d really rather we all not bother, but they get very annoyed with me when I say that.

LOL

Thank you for understanding. I'm sure it will work out . It's just getting there.

We do a secret Santa for the adults. Everyone fills in a wishlist. Failing that, restaurant/Costa/Amazon vouchers generally please everyone.

We do adult presents. Two of mine don’t have lots of money, so it’s nice to be able to give them a treat. This year for one, I’m buying a wowcher voucher (or something like) for accommodation in a city he wants to go to which ties in with his masters degree. The other is having hard times, so practical all the way.

Cash in an envelope and a Lindt chocolate box. Job done

Well to be fair @Everyyear you didnt really ask anything at all, you were having a moan about how every year you ‘stress yourself out’

I was pointing out you dont need to stress yourself out, it’s your choice. I thought that was a sensible suggestion to add to the conversation.

Maybe you just wanted to moan though, so fair enough!

I also get annoyed when my mother asks me this (which she tends to do when I am busy and don't have time to think about it) I know she's short of money to spare so i would rather NOT have anything that something that i'm not that fussed about. I know people like giving but forcing others to decide does take the joy out of that portion of it anyway.

She has now learnt to buy me vouchers - but at my favourite shops, so the shopping will be a treat for me. Ie Oliver Bonas rather than amazon

Cash or vouchers.
My dad usually gives me cash unless I ask for anything specific. My mum likes to buy me a gift but usually asks me first, if there’s nothing I want then she gives me some cash. Grown up children are hard to buy for but cash is always gratefully received.

Surely it would be more upsetting for your adult children to think you had to struggle to save money up to get them something that they dont need rather than if you said ' Im going to give you £20 in vouchers and something nice to open. Is it the 26 year year old who has the 2 kids? She should be old enough to appreciate that. Shes got her own kids to sort out.

Gosh, are people really Xmas shopping already? I can understand stocking fillers/trinkets but for a main present I'd be struggling if someone asked me what I wanted almost 3 months in advance.
Could you grab them separately and browse on Amazon for each other, so what do you think X might like?
Would having a separate savings account help if you struggle with budgeting? Some accounts offer incentives to join.

Absolutely. Give them.money. job done. That's what my adult dcs get...we don't see each other at Xmas.