Every fucking year

[Everyyear]

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

I find that vouchers work best for older kids…I usually get Amazon ones but there’s lots of options if you know what kinda stuff your kids are into (movies, Xbox, etc.)

Blimey, I feel positively Scrooge-like.

We go for token presents as there are so many of us. (And because they get stuff during the year.) It’s not worth getting into debt over Christmas but there is so much pressure to go big.

We stick to £15 per person, cash for the older ones, vouchers or toys for the youngest. For immediate family we do a Xmas stocking, a book and some festive chocolate.

I start in January for the following Christmas 😂 I think people who start in July are quite mad, and those who leave it even later I just think are pure insane 😂😂😂
my first gift this year was bought on 2nd Jan, it’s put away in a cupboard and I add as the year goes on. Have you never heard of sales?! Do you just enjoy wasting money on
stuff in December that you could buy in Jan for 1/4 of the price?!

Not everyone has the space to collect them like that.

@saffy2 but are you actually buying things that people really want?
There are things that I plan to put on my wish list that aren't even released yet (books etc).
Surely a random gift bought cheap in January is just random....🤔

I see your dilemma. May I suggest buying a few small bits to open on the day, and giving the main present in the form of a handmade voucher for a day out at the January sales to buy their present together, with lunch or coffee & cake thrown in as well? Would make a lovely outing.

Then put the money for their main gift aside, to have ready for when you've arranged the date for the outing. This way you've both got something to look forward to, and they can choose something they like. You can put a money value on the voucher so they know they've got fifty quid or whatever 'credit'. I realise you're a big family, so you might want to take them in smaller groups.

Hope this helps - if you get negative feedback, you can say you got tired of stressing over lists / not getting lists and just wanted to put the fun back into giving presents. Personally, I'd be thrilled to be offered an outing like that rather than get something I don't like / want / need. The gift of your time and company is to be cherished..

Just give money

In my family no presents are bought for adults in the wider family but secret Santas are welcome. I've made it known that I like good single malt whiskey, VSOP brandy, cashmere socks and beanie hats, cashmere fingerless gloves/wrist warmers, good quality scented double milled soaps and furry hot water bottles. Works well, stays in budget, I get what I like and will use, and I'm happy to do the same for anyone else that I'm secret Santa to. 🌹

Can we have less of an attitude please against basic common sense. Most people would quite rightly look at you as if you were mad to start Christmas shopping in the middle of a heatwave. January I can understand if you want to be a bit savvy snapping up reduced items and I have bought reduced baubles myself in January but then you should leave it until September.

You have contradicted yourself. Saying to have basic common sense. Yet you don't have the basic common sense to understand people may start early due to income, or not having to worry towards Xmas. Or they have lots to buy.

Yes start early! Not start halfway through the blooming year! Stop trying to normalize something that isn't normal.

Also it is blatantly obvious in your first post that you are still worried/stressed so your plan hasn't really worked. Has it? 🙂

If that were really true (and I'm not doubting your view, OP), your children would be more forthcoming about it.

I don't personally understand why some people enjoy the 'stress of Christmas' and the martyr-ish behaviour that goes with it but, some people just do. The ones who do will join you in joyful hand-wringing about the stress of it all and 'every fucking year' mantras... but they wouldn't have it any other way.

The reason why you're getting suggestions to overcome the problems you're talking about it because people don't understand that you just want to talk about it. You're not going to change anything that you do because you want all this angst... it's part of the fun for you and the sooner it starts, the better you like it.

What about a new purse or wallet with money in ?
Iwoukd LOVE this! I'm a suckered for a new bag. My mum normally gives me money for everyone (including the kids) and gets me to buy everything. Its annoying at the time buy better than bbeing nagged from July to November.OP if your kids would really be really upset if you gave them £20 that you didn't really have, they are spoilt. They are grown adults. It woukd also get them to tell you what they wanted.

I genuinely don’t know anyone who doesn’t buy through the year. Everyone I know lives month to month which gives very little money to go out and do the entirety of Christmas in a month or two.
I literally think it’s mad to not buy through the year, and that’s not attitude. It’s literally how I feel. I’ve always done it this way.
and to the pp who asked, yes I know my children very well and yes they do get gifts they want each Christmas. Buying through the year means gifts are also bought in December…which means any new releases etc can still be bought. Without being bought on top of every other gift I’m getting them.

It has to am extent . Its just people are only talking about my oldest 2 adult children. I have finished my 2 younger kids already. Had i just left ot till closer to Xmas I would be more stressed

🤣 how can you (tell) me how I feel , what o will do , and that I like it this way . You can guess maybe. But you can't tell me. And your wrong anyway. Few people had am idea and that's what I have decided to do.

Least someone gets it

If you didn't enjoy the stress and the drama of it, OP, you'd change it. Nothing wrong with the way that you choose to do it but moaning about it is what you're now doing.

I'm sure you have your inexplicable, unfathomable reasons... carry on stressing!

But a) you don't HAVE to buy anything
b) this is about you and your need to buy not their wants or needs
C) echo the point about the drama

You are sucking all the joy out of Christmas with the whole 'well what do you want' shit.

Gift voucher from a shop they like using … sorted ✔️

Amazon vouchers. Job done.

Exactly.

I despair about how insistent some people are about having to buy stuff for others for Christmas even when it isn't affordable and isn't wanted.

No decent person would want someone who is struggling to spend money on them, often on something that isn't wanted or needed. And if people 'expect' gifts from people, they aren't a decent person.

Martin Lewis has been banging his head against this particular wall since the credit crunch of 2008 and he's still trying, God love him, and people are still buying crap they can't afford while moaning about 'having' to do it 'every fucking year'.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2022/11/martin-lewis-christmas-gifts-help-or-hindrance/

We do tit-for-tat giving – which means people end up with tat

this year, amidst a cost of living crisis when many people are struggling. And so I think what I would ask that we all try and do is when you are thinking about somebody, giving somebody a gift this year, ask yourself truly: is my gift a help or a hindrance? And if it's a help, give it with joy and give it with love. And if it's a hindrance... stop

The joy of Christmas is spending time together, sharing food and drink, watching Christmas films, going for walks and seeing the lights and decorations, not battling through crowded shopping centres to buy crap to exchange, that many cannot afford and few people really want.

Plus there's all the waste, because environment.

Oh his just sack it off. We buy for kids. Hit 21 you're in the £50 secret Santa, and that is only for those that are actually sitting down to eat on Christmas Day.

A £10 voucher which can be used in lots of shops. You can buy in the post office or most supermarkets.