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Original poster

Every fucking year

257 replies

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 15:22

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 01/10/2023 19:46

But if I have to tell you what to buy its not a present.

Presents involve thought, effort, choosing.

If I'm doing that for you, how is it a present?

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 19:47

Ashleysaidwhat · 01/10/2023 19:38

@Everyyear people on this thread are weird. You are perfectly to ask what they would like. I have started asking my DH and I'm getting don't know all the time. What he fails to realise is I have two pays left before Xmas and his big birthday coming up

@Needmorelego if anyone bought me socks for Xmas I would be really annoyed. Christmas Presents to me should be something you want not need like socks. How boring

Only a few seem to get it. But im not sure if some replies are just messing.

OP posts:
Notlaughingalot · 01/10/2023 19:48

I give mine vouchers. Easy.

tachetastic · 01/10/2023 19:56

Ugh! Christmas is so stressful, but seriously it is the thought that counts. And if you can't think of anything, give cash.

Give your kids the opportunity to say if they need or want anything, but if they don't know, then either buy them a nice generic present (chocolates/wine/scarf) or give them the money. Don't force them to think of stuff for the sake of it. That is just sharing the stress.

I have a partner and four kids. I also have a mother, two sisters and a nephew who never think of any gift ideas themselves. They all rely on me for ideas of gifts for everyone in my family, including me. So around now I start getting increasingly stressy calls demanding original ideas for Christmas gifts my partner and all my kids will love. That means I have to come up with four gift ideas for me, my partner and each kids. So 24 gift ideas just for people living in my house. And that's before I've even started to think of anything from me. It's exhausting!

Christmas is meant to be fun. It's lovely when people including OP want to be generous with their money, but it's more important that they are also considerate in coming up with their own ideas or just give cash, rather than putting all the pressure on someone else to think up ideas on their behalf.

MasterBeth · 01/10/2023 19:56

I hate it when people ask me what I want as a present. It feels like they haven't given me a moment's thought. I don't need more stuff. I can buy myself stuff if I want.

Happyhappy10 · 01/10/2023 19:59

Just save the money and buy their gifts closer to the time - when they know?

I don't see what the big deal is particularly with internet shopping.

Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 19:59

@Everyyear I hope you don't think I am messing. I am trying to help with some ideas for you 🙂.
@Ashleysaidwhat the thing with socks....I personally am not very good at self- care for myself when it comes to everyday stuff like socks. I will wear socks until they are in holes (in fact all my clothes really). I might go to buy some but I get distracted by spending my money on books from charity shops (or Lego sets 🙂).
If at Christmas I get gifted a "care package" as such of new underwear, socks etc I am really pleased because it's taken what I see as a chore away from me. I don't want to have to go shopping for socks - that is boring!
However I have no problem with giving ideas for something I "want". I could list 100 things right now this second - but if the OPs children are coming up with "dunno" as their suggestions then there obviously isn't anything they are particularly fussed about getting - so if all they get is socks at least they would get used.

tachetastic · 01/10/2023 20:00

MasterBeth · 01/10/2023 19:56

I hate it when people ask me what I want as a present. It feels like they haven't given me a moment's thought. I don't need more stuff. I can buy myself stuff if I want.

This.

If you can't be bothered to think of something, offer to babysit my kids for the night or maybe treat me to a nice glass of wine and a packet of crisps. We all have too much stuff anyway.

WestwardHo1 · 01/10/2023 20:01

This thread is an illustration of why I hate Christmas more and more every year.

Millybob · 01/10/2023 20:03

Just switch off. They don't care about Christmas in the same way you do.
They're adults. Buy them a voucher or a bottle and if they don't like it, it's not the end of the world.
Do you think they're getting stressed about what to buy you?
You can enjoy Christmas - spending time together, having a nice dinner - without single-handedly oiling the capitalist system for the New Year. It's just stuff - most of us can buy our own if we really want it.

Teenagehorrorbag · 01/10/2023 20:03

DH and I buy for each other (and MIL) but nothing massive. We don't buy for other adults in the family - or maybe a tree present or a little something if we see something fun. Otherwise it's about the kids. Now is a good time to set rules - my siblings and I agreed to stop buying for nieces and nephews at 21, which they all know well in advance.

Not sure what we will do with our own kids - maybe it will depend on their life circumstances and whether they want anything in particular. But once they have their own families and maybe will spend Christmas elsewhere, I would think I'll only buy a few fun things. If they want/need something we'll probably buy, but if they are like yours and don't know, then a few edibles is all that's required. Or an Amazon voucher if you really feel the need to spend something.

Do you really want to keep stressing about this (and spending unnecessary time and money) for the next 50 years?? Sit down and agree a way forward with all your DCs. Now is a good time Grin.

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 20:03

tachetastic · 01/10/2023 20:00

This.

If you can't be bothered to think of something, offer to babysit my kids for the night or maybe treat me to a nice glass of wine and a packet of crisps. We all have too much stuff anyway.

Show quote history

No way I have dd kids to much as it is 🤣

OP posts:
Wetblanket78 · 01/10/2023 20:09

With the cost of heating now I don't think you can go wrong with nightwear warm fluffy socks and an oodie. Brushed cotton bedding is also cosy for the winter months.

FancyFanny · 01/10/2023 20:16

I can't ever imagine not buying my daughter a Christmas gift, no matter how old she gets!

BettyBallerina · 01/10/2023 20:18

Don't do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. These are people you know extremely well. It’s simple. Choose something they’d like. That’s what a gift ought to be.

OhComeOnFFS · 01/10/2023 20:22

Can you ask them to set up an Amazon wish list, OP? If they use it regularly they can look at things they might like and add them to their wish list and then you can choose things off there.

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 20:24

Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 19:59

@Everyyear I hope you don't think I am messing. I am trying to help with some ideas for you 🙂.
@Ashleysaidwhat the thing with socks....I personally am not very good at self- care for myself when it comes to everyday stuff like socks. I will wear socks until they are in holes (in fact all my clothes really). I might go to buy some but I get distracted by spending my money on books from charity shops (or Lego sets 🙂).
If at Christmas I get gifted a "care package" as such of new underwear, socks etc I am really pleased because it's taken what I see as a chore away from me. I don't want to have to go shopping for socks - that is boring!
However I have no problem with giving ideas for something I "want". I could list 100 things right now this second - but if the OPs children are coming up with "dunno" as their suggestions then there obviously isn't anything they are particularly fussed about getting - so if all they get is socks at least they would get used.

Please don't take what I said personally. Everyone's comments could be 100% genuine. It's just on MN you can never tell. Or it could be that the parent is buying a couple of small things because rest of the family get them several gifts etc.

OP posts:
CowboyJoanna · 01/10/2023 20:25

Christmas is for kids really. Maybe your oldest are over it now so, I wouldn't bother.

CowboyJoanna · 01/10/2023 20:25

*christmas presents not christmas in general

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 20:26

FancyFanny · 01/10/2023 20:16

I can't ever imagine not buying my daughter a Christmas gift, no matter how old she gets!

Neither could I.

OP posts:
Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 20:28

CowboyJoanna · 01/10/2023 20:25

Christmas is for kids really. Maybe your oldest are over it now so, I wouldn't bother.

My adult children would be really upset. Maybe that's a bit weird to most people but they would.

OP posts:
Canisaysomething · 01/10/2023 20:36

Asking what someone wants for a present is so transactional. Either surprise them or just give them cash.

Uurrjb · 01/10/2023 20:37

Giving your 21 yr old some chocolate and 20 cash 😆😆😆

they would be straight in here…why does my mum hate me….

Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 20:45

@Uurrjb well unfortunately if that's what your 21 year old child thinks then that's all down to how you have done Christmas in the past.
In my family £20 -30 is the norm for adult gifts. We wouldn't expect anything more expensive.

Mademetoxic · 01/10/2023 20:50

Moveoverdarlin · 01/10/2023 16:47

I’d give the 10 year old little girl next door a chocolate Santa and twenty quid, not my adult child. You seriously get away with spending £20 on your own children?

Gosh, your adult child must be very spoilt. I am 31 and would be very happy with that.

But I do not care for Christmas anyway. Anything I want I buy myself, everything else is a bonus.