Every fucking year

[Everyyear]

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

I would never ever expect £100 off my mother for Christmas. That's just a ludicrous amount. I have my own money.

Some people don't have their own money though. So if that 100 pound buys the posters adult child something they wanted but could not afford then thats a good thing.

@Everyyear but if you asking what they want and they are answering "dunno" then they obviously don't want anything specific.
That's why it would be good to go small (like a £20 gift) and just put the extra money aside and support them and treat them throughout the year 🙂

That's not how we work though. That may be how you do it, your family etc. My kids would be really upset and I won't do that to them. Even of they are pissing me off just now.

Also the thread seems to be more aimed at my adult children. I have school age children to .

Do you just want them to make up stuff they want just to keep you quiet? If there’s nothing they really want, then there’s nothing they really want! You are causing more stress!

You're spoiling their kid and setting up gross over-expectations for the rest of her life.

When her marriage fails because of her unreasonable demands.......

Our neighbour's kids get a box of Celebrations to share among the entire brood, and they're really appreciative of it.

Just saying.

@Everyyear then you need to hand them a piece of paper with "For Christmas I would like...." with the budget amount and tell them you want it back by a certain date.
Maybe put it as a numbered list 1 - 10.
Tell them firmly if you don't get the list back then they don't won't get anything except a piece of coal.
If they don't fill it in....then they aren't as bothered.
Oh and give them your own list back (with things you know they can afford). You deserve presents too.

@Everyyear and I apologise - I thought it was just your adult children you needed help with.

That's what I'm going to do . And amazon wish list . Not sure how they work. Hopefully they will know

@Everyyear hopefully they will give you some ideas 🙂

No need to apologise. I was just saying generally. I probably should not have put it in the reply to you. I Should have done it as a stand alone post.

Cash and a bag of sweets should be perfect!

But £100, I would never expect/want that from anyone. That is too much to give imo.

👏👏 exactly.

If it’s every year though, perhaps you do need to accept no one else is ready to think about Christmas now.

I never understand the idea you need to buy early to spread the cost but can’t just take that money out of the bank and put it to one side to buy the items closer to Christmas. (Either take cash out or have a separate account you move money to for Christmas gifts).

That's the thing though in your opinion. That's totally fine. It's also fine if that person wants to give their child 100 or 1000+.

Some people have more money than sense!
Christmas isn't about spending money on 'stuff' or 'things'
That is a very materialistic view imo.

I have no clue what I got last year for Christmas. It is irrelevant.

I buy myself what I want with my own money.
I have never asked for anything for Christmas in my adult life .
I do not expect anything from anyone.
If people get me things, that is good. If they don't, it is fine too.

I buy for my two adult DC and that is all. Nieces and nephews are adults and I made a point a few years ago of saying to friends let’s just have lunch out rather than buying presents. This suggestion was well received. My DH and I don’t buy for one another. If we want anything we will buy it so presents aren’t required.

Your way is fine. So are other peoples. There's no wrong or right way . You buy the stuff you want yourself. Good for you .

The point I am trying to make is Christmas isn't about buying 'stuff' for the fun of it.

Adult children shouldn't expect 'gifts', it is a 'bonus'

You're putting too much pressure on people.

This is why Christmas is just rubbish. The expectations for it, and the stress people put themselves over. For one day.

Op you are right, there is no right way or wrong way overall, just what works for each family. It’s just your way of everyone having their list by the end of the summer doesn’t work for your family.

your system only works if you do the thinking and make purchases for everyone - like you will for your grandkids. If you want a list, you have to accept they aren’t going to provide one this early.

stop ruining autumn for yourself by being determined to be “done” for Christmas so early.

My children eventually give me a list with links and I just order presents from sofa plus a trip to local town to by pjs,socks,boxers that are bloody expensive . Usually I get something wrong with the ordering which causes a laugh on Christmas Day 😂
I hope your older children buy you a thoughtful present as well!!

I absolutely know what I got for Christmas last year, because I've enjoyed the gifts all this year! In fact, I could note your socks off with the gifts I received for Christmas and my birthday for the past 10 years at least.

Why not just put the money aside earlier in the year and use it closer to the time? Is this more about your obsession with having Christmas sorted by October than the necessity of spreading the cost?

Are you sure your relative isn't also my mum! It's absolutely draining every year!