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Original poster

Every fucking year

257 replies

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 15:22

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

OP posts:
TerfTalking · 01/10/2023 17:17

I admire your organisation but if it’s just the older adult children who don’t know, it really shouldn’t be that hard to put their money on one side until the 1st December and ask again.

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 17:18

QueSyrahSyrah · 01/10/2023 17:08

One of the OP's 'children' is 26.

I was earning more than my parents at 26 so the idea of them spending big money on my Christmas gift would have been ridiculous.

At this point they get me a small value gift that I've asked for, or if there's nothing I want a bit of cash for when I see something. I hate needless tat 'to unwrap' unless it's useful / consumable (food, toiletries, candles, socks etc).

Show quote history

My children are not 26 just 1 is. Also she not in work . So she does not have much at all.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 17:20

@Bertiesmum3 well jolly nice that you can afford £100.
Not everyone can and £20 is perfectly fine for a nice gift.

mrsbitaly · 01/10/2023 17:27

Our parents bought us meat hampers was brilliant just after Xmas lasted us a long time.

But we always found things for the home was handy and appreciated.

FofB · 01/10/2023 17:28

Can they put an Amazon Wishlist together to help you?

YouJustDoYou · 01/10/2023 17:29

Money.

PigletJohn · 01/10/2023 17:29

Socks.

Tell them you are getting socks unless they tell you something they would prefer.

I quite like chocolate biscuits.

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:33

Dunna be daft. Who starts Christmas shopping in July?!! I smell a wind up.

PigletJohn · 01/10/2023 17:36

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:33

Dunna be daft. Who starts Christmas shopping in July?!! I smell a wind up.

Grannies do.

RedToothBrush · 01/10/2023 17:37

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:33

Dunna be daft. Who starts Christmas shopping in July?!! I smell a wind up.

I start in August!

I had a bit of a meltdown last month because I hadn't started and was panicking. So I had to buy a bunch of things to get over that feeling.

It works well. I am done by end of Oct, so that DH does his in November and we are all done by December and can actually enjoy the month without the thought of shopping hanging over us.

Plus its quieter - no crowds and things arrive in time.

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:38

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 16:52

I know alot of people are saying they don't buy for adults. But I could never do that I just can't their my kids, adults or not. I also couldn't buy then socks for example.

Things in our family have Been hard lots of stressful stuff. I'm not talking daily stress. I'm talking deep stuff. So we really like Xmas to be nice for everyone.

Lovely to see someone putting a bit of effort it. You sound like a thoughtful person. Gift buying is not hard.

pantypant · 01/10/2023 17:40

Can't you just take the money you want to spend and not spend it? So you can buy later with it? Why do you have to buy now?

Passepartoute · 01/10/2023 17:42

pantypant · 01/10/2023 17:40

Can't you just take the money you want to spend and not spend it? So you can buy later with it? Why do you have to buy now?

OP probably buys in July to try to take advantage of the sales, and prices do of course tend to go up in late November and December.

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 17:43

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:33

Dunna be daft. Who starts Christmas shopping in July?!! I smell a wind up.

Really why ? If money/weekly income is not much and I Need to buy for 10 people. And more than 1 itwm each . Thenbivhavevto ve organised best I can be.

OP posts:
Sparehair · 01/10/2023 17:45

I sympathise with the kids because I hate thinking about Christmas this early - feels like you’re just wishing the year away and by the time it arrives you’re pig sick of it. I actually do like Christmas… in December. As it is they’re barely back at school. I think we do need a collective reset in terms of how much time and effort goes into Christmas. Would we have a worse time if we spent half the money and time? Probably not.

Wisenotboring · 01/10/2023 17:45

Although I like yourself like to get a head start on Christmas, others just don't. It feels pressurised for you, but your request for ideas may also feel stressful for them. I would set the money aside now and let them all know that if they would like anything in particular to let you know by then end of November. If you haven't heard either buy something you are confident they will like, or do amazon vouchers. That seems fair enough.
We do have a few very ungrateful family members who don't make any effort with their gifts and happily accept bank transfers without ever saying thank you! This bothered me for a while but we have now said that for nieces, nephews etc we will do money until 22 and then just do a generic family hamper for the in.laws etc. They never say thank you, make zero effort for our younger children so I have just adopted the attitude that it makes my life easier as I don't feel invested in making it massively thoughtful. This approach of not feeling an over-inflated sense of obligation has helped me have a better attitude towards the giving and helped me let go of the resentment I was feeling.

Original poster
Everyyear · 01/10/2023 17:46

RedToothBrush · 01/10/2023 17:37

I start in August!

I had a bit of a meltdown last month because I hadn't started and was panicking. So I had to buy a bunch of things to get over that feeling.

It works well. I am done by end of Oct, so that DH does his in November and we are all done by December and can actually enjoy the month without the thought of shopping hanging over us.

Plus its quieter - no crowds and things arrive in time.

Show quote history

Exactly this my aim. I don't want to have to worry.

OP posts:
Sparehair · 01/10/2023 17:46

Everyyear · 01/10/2023 17:43

Really why ? If money/weekly income is not much and I Need to buy for 10 people. And more than 1 itwm each . Thenbivhavevto ve organised best I can be.

Show quote history

But money doesn’t expire. If you don’t spend it in July you’d still have it in December.

TorroFerney · 01/10/2023 17:46

Moveoverdarlin · 01/10/2023 16:47

I’d give the 10 year old little girl next door a chocolate Santa and twenty quid, not my adult child. You seriously get away with spending £20 on your own children?

“Get away”. It’s not a crime! Everyone doesn’t have lots of cash. I get that from my mum, well actually a £25 cheque in a money wallet card thing and no proper Christmas card as does my husband . But that’s because she’s thoughtless (she says she’s practical).

RosesAndHellebores · 01/10/2023 17:47

I do my Xmas shopping the last weekend in November and think about it the night before:

DD, 25 + bf
DS, 28 + dil
DH
Mother
MIL
Step

If money were a problem I'd save up a certain amount every month.

Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 17:51

@Everyyear you can make it nice by not stressing so much about it.
Your stressing because they answer "dunno" and they are probably now stressing because they feel they have to come up with something they "want" - and something that in their mind is expensive so feel bad to say they want it (even if they know you would spend that amount).
At lot of people seem to be horrified by my £20 suggestion but maybe that's the way to go.
Say to them "Ok I am going to do Christmas a bit different this year. I'm going to spend £20 each on you (or £30 if you want to up it a bit) so I want some suggestions. You can pick one thing or several. Write me a list."
(You could make it fun by getting some Dear Santa letter writing sets from somewhere like Poundland and giving them each a sheet plus a pen).

Playingintheshadow · 01/10/2023 17:55

Invalidusername88 · 01/10/2023 17:33

Dunna be daft. Who starts Christmas shopping in July?!! I smell a wind up.

I smell bullshit!! 😂

I can start Christmas present shopping in May or June if I see something I think my kids would like.

If I say so myself, I am pretty good at knowing what they want. I already have a handbag stashed away for one that she admired on holiday in July. Have just bought a nest of tables another one wanted that I managed to get new on ebay for a third of the price I'd have paid in a shop!!

I love sites like zalandolounge and BrandAlley and often pick up gifts there. I will buy gifts like perfume when they are reduced online, or around Black Friday. It's part of the fun to get a bargain, and I never have to run round the shops last minute. In fact I order most of it from the comfort of my home!!

Needmorelego · 01/10/2023 17:56

@Everyyear or you could get them to follow that cheesy rhyme thing -
"Something to wear
Something to read
Something I want
Something I need"
Make it light-hearted and fun.

PortalooSunset · 01/10/2023 17:56

Cash and a chocolate orange. It's what I've got for many many years and it's always appreciated!

jolaylasofia · 01/10/2023 17:58

we don't buy adults. my mom doesn't buy me presents only the kids now. just gets to a point where it's silly