Every fucking year

[Everyyear]

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

I'm quite surprised that some people find it so onerous to be asked what gift they'd like to be given. Also- OP's children are surely well aware that Christmas occurs every year, on the same date, and that their mum likes to get things organised early so that everyone gets what they would like. I don't think it's putting too much of a burden on their shoulders to have a little think about it now.

I do an Amazon wish list of my own (as my birthday falls in November)- they don't have to get things from there but it shows them what sort of things I might fancy. My eldest son (27) told me just yesterday what he'd like for Christmas- the only one that is still 'learning' is ds2 (15)- he also has a birthday in November and it's not just me that wants to know what he'd like, it's his Grammy too. So he's come up with a few things. They can both do Amazon wish lists as well, if they want- even if it's small silly things it still helps.

Something that always goes down well with my two is stockings with the chocolate Santa, socks etc (and on my eldest son's insistence a Lynx box set For Tradition) and a silly toy- one year it was a mini Nerf gun each, which they loved and I somewhat regretted when I became their joint target! Could you do that, and then as PPs have suggested keep the money back for a 'main' present for them?

We have a brilliant system in our family. We all send each other ( siblings) £25 cash per person in the household and then people treat themselves or add it to the kids fund. This means the teens can go buy that phone or overpriced trainers they want and the small kids just pick toys off Amazon with their budget.
it’s perfect. No stress , no drama no need to drive around or go out when you’d rather be indoors. Also no mess and extra waste from wrapping crap up in more crap.
I also buy my dad the arbitrary bottle of scotch and the same wine and cheese hamper gets sent to my mother too.
all done online so they’ve no excuse to invite themselves over and stress me out.

My Mum used to whine like this every year from September onwards. I would tell her there is nothing I want, I would be just as happy if I knew you went into a shop, and spent a fiver on me, and knowing you thought about me for those few minutes was a gift for me. But still she would bang on and on.But she was also a narcissist, so it was also a stick to beat me with. She had had dementia the last couple of years so I haven’t had the yearly battle. If they don’t have something they can name that they want, buy them a little gift, that maybe matches their hobbies/interests or even a little magnet , keyring, pair of socks, and wrap it with an Amazon voucher. Don’t make it a battleground.

I’d give the 10 year old little girl next door a chocolate Santa and twenty quid, not my adult child. You seriously get away with spending £20 on your own children?

My mum buys tickets to local pantomime, we love it, fun family thing to do, always a great atmosphere and ace pressy, job done!

@Moveoverdarlin why not? £20 is a perfectly acceptable amount for a gift - even to adult children.
I've just had a quick Google of gift ideas for myself and with my imaginary £20 I have already bought 3 books and a Lego set in my head - and I have still have change.

I know alot of people are saying they don't buy for adults. But I could never do that I just can't their my kids, adults or not. I also couldn't buy then socks for example.

Things in our family have Been hard lots of stressful stuff. I'm not talking daily stress. I'm talking deep stuff. So we really like Xmas to be nice for everyone.

@Everyyear why can't you buy them socks? Everyone needs socks. I personally hate clothes shopping and avoid it if I can. If some gives me new socks at Christmas it saves me a boring shopping job.

I started Christmas shopping in September. However I have 4 birthdays right after Christmas, so I'd prefer to buy at least one from the Christmas/birthday list well before Christmas. Less to find nearer the time. Also spread the cost.

I rarely ask people for what they want. I have conversations with them over the year. I write down ideas after each conversation. My DP is forever showing me tshirts with "witty" sayings. So he will get a witty tshirt at least. My son needs new jeans, so two or three pairs of jeans, better quality than he would buy himself. My daughter covets a coat, etc. As we get nearer to Christmas I am more on the ball with convos, take more notice of what they like, ask if they already have eg the coat.
And if all else fails, its money.

Just a quick add, I have a Christmas day birthday to get as well. That one is super difficult. I want them to be able to tell apart the gifts if that makes sense. So two very different gifts for her. One definitely a birthday type gift, one very distinctly Christmassy gift. It gives me conniptions every year.

At that age cash is appreciated. So put however much you were going to spend into a card. Add a box of chocs or a drink you know they like of you want them to open a physical gift.

I don't really understand why you can't just put money to the side until closer to the time.

What's the budget per person?

No no no! It's all the token bits that make the Christmas landfill + waste SO MUCH WORSE.

Decent gifts, ppl actually need and will use frequently

Put the ££ to one side and wait for the Black Friday deals. Meanwhile listen out for anything they talk about. Ask them what each other would like, especially about clothes, for example.

How much, roughly, do you spend on each?

Socks is exactly what I want! I’d never spend money on nice socks because there’s always something the kids need or the house needs or whatever; but nice alpaca wool socks for Christmas is a proper treat and I’ll actually use them. I’d also be happy with chocolate and £20 because I hate “stuff” almost as much as I’d hate being mithered about Christmas this early – but £20 translates to 2-3 paperbacks or a lot of kindle reading material if you wait for the things you want to go on 99p sale. Surely you know your children though and don’t need a list? We don’t buy for adults in my family but I know what to get them all if we did, I’ve met them.

Oh god yeah, I meant USEFUL token things. Not any old shit. I am personally anti tat for the sake of tat.

Chocolate/sweets/beer whatever the person actually loves.

Something useful for their house, e.g. it's daft but if you know they don't have a pizza slicer and pizza tray for oven but eat a lot of pizza!

Book by an author that you know they'd read, or cookbook they'd use etc. Our families got us a couple of easy slow cooker/stew/curry cookbooks when in our 20s as we were just getting into cooking and we still have them and use them now, 15 years on.

I'd write them a cheque tbh. I know that's what I was most in need of at that age! Then some consumable extras like sweets or bath stuff (that you know they will definitely use)

@Thefacethatlaunchedathousandchips not a cheque - most banks are barely open so they won't be able to deposit it 😂

😁 true! Bank transfer on the day or something then. My point is that they likely would prefer the money which they could then spend at their leisure

One of the OP's 'children' is 26.

I was earning more than my parents at 26 so the idea of them spending big money on my Christmas gift would have been ridiculous.

At this point they get me a small value gift that I've asked for, or if there's nothing I want a bit of cash for when I see something. I hate needless tat 'to unwrap' unless it's useful / consumable (food, toiletries, candles, socks etc).

Give them money. That’s what they really want.

Don’t buy presents for adults. I get absolutely no presents at Christmas given to me. But I also don’t have to stress about buying them, and most of the time it’s stuff I can do without.

It partly depends upon their life stages and whether they live at home, have a young family etc. But you probably can’t go wrong with a bottle of champagne (or their alcohol of choice), box of posh chocs plus a decent voucher for something they would consider a treat but can rarely afford eg cinema or other activity/favourite restaurant voucher.

I think its lovely that a parent still buys for an adult child. But at the end of the day it's your issue OP not theirs. I would not like to think about Christmas in Summer or even now so if you want to buy early for your own reasons I don't think its fair to be annoyed with people who don't do the same. Either put money aside now, come up with your own ideas or wait till they are ready.

I agree with @amidsummernightsdream

I like to be organised but I don’t buy until nearer the time. You can just have a budget per person and put the move in a separate bank account.

£20?.?

M Y adult children get £100 each as does my grandchildren!