Every fucking year

[Everyyear]

I have 6 kids 2 grand kids. I start Xmas shopping in July. I have managed 2 sort my 2 youngest kids . Will probably easy sort the grandkids .

But the older ones They are hell. When I ask them about Xmas all I get is "dun know" i explain to them I need some clues because I have to buy early due to money etc I still get "dun know"

It's same every year. I stress myself every year I know this yet I still do it ffs. And I wind myself up because I don't want to let them down.

Last year I did mine a stocking each, put in the usual tat (chocolate/sweets and small things like school stationery and daft stuff) but then wrapped a few nicer items like a book, perfume, power bank, earrings, hoodie etc and put a £5-20 note in each parcel.

My kids are younger though, yours might just prefer a bottle of spirits and
cold hard cash. Don’t waste your time and effort on choosing something off list of they don’t give you ideas, you can always special it up with a few smaller things to open.

You can literally get them tshirts with "I dunno" on them maybe next year they will put some thought into the question

Can you not just give them cash if there's nothing specific they want? That would be my favourite gift as an adult!

Have a look at the mumsnet Christmas bargains board for ideas and discounts. They're on thread number 3 now and it's in full swing. I got so many ideas from there over the years.

Thread 3 - the one with the single use oven

My DM used to nag me about xmas presents and I'd have to nag her, mental! This will be the first year without her and I'm dreading it, but I won't miss the nagging about presents (meant light hearted). Bless her, she always tried to make xmas special for everyone and as well as a 'main' present, she always got me a shoe box of surprises, little treats, some cheap, some expensive. Oh, how I will miss her this year, her presence, not presents.

I have DC in their twenties. I give them cash plus stocking fillers to open.

Nice toiletries, books, socks, that sort of thing.

Whats the point in giving them a present they don't want, just for the sake of it?

Genuinely?

If they can't think of anything they want, they don't need OR want for anything do they?

So either go with £20 and a choc santa (or equivalent) and say its pointless wasting money now they are adults but say if there's something in particular they'd like you are happy to get it.

Honestly, why bother with just filling their house with junk? If you MUST do something, get them a voucher for the cinema or something. Just don't buy 'stuff'.

God, get them vouchers and some socks/scarves/pants

@Everyyear if my mum gave me £20 and a choc Santa I would be very pleased indeed. Sorry your kids wouldn't like that.
I can buy loads of stuff I like with £20 (but couldn't necessarily think of something I want off the top of my head if asked in September).

Nice hamper of luxury bits e.g. buy a few nice things, wine, expensive goodies and make up your own hamper maybe?

I tend to start putting things I fancy onto an Amazon wishlist around June. It may be something I've seen in the shops or online, something recommended in the papers or social media, whatever. That way I usually have at least three or four suggestions when people start asking me. Can you encourage your children to do the same?

@forgotname why LOL ?
Genuine question.

I hate being asked what I want because I hate asking for stuff, and also if there's something I really want I'll usually buy it for myself when I think of it. It puts me under pressure to think of things I want at Christmas when I'm already trying to think what everyone else might want! However I'm 40+ and have too much stuff already. At that age they should definitely be able to come up with stuff they want. DS is 20 and I ask him to give me ideas whenever he thinks of something during the year. I have a few links on Whatsapp to refer back to now when it's time to go shopping. Ticketmaster/sports shop vouchers always go down well if I run out of ideas.

Same. Christmas presents for children only.

Mine would not have a clue if I asked them now. My youngest would ask for something that she will probably forget about by Christmas.

So I put the money in a separate account and save up to buy presents in November/December. If they still don't know, then they'll get the cash or vouchers.

If you would spend £100 and want to buy something this month, can you take £100 out of the bank and put in an envelope marked “dc1” and then if you’d buy dc2’s next month, do the same for them then. So you have the cash waiting for when they are ready to think about Christmas (possibly November time). You can always pay it back into the bank so you can order online if that’s easier.

you two eldest are adults now, so you need to be moving to the stage where they don’t give you a list, you buy them a surprise.

This. OP, Christmas isn’t supposed to cause stress and anxiety around gift buying. That’s quite sad really but is symptomatic of our society now I suppose.

I never knew there was one i will look . Thank you

The thing to get them to decide is to make a suggestion. Say ‘ooh, looks like you need a new kettle. That’s what I will get your for Xmas unless there is anything else you want?’

OPi would be your ideal child. I've just been shopping and sent my mum a list <preens> it also means she won't buy me the strimmer she insisted I needed last week

@Crazyjanes are you my DM <narrows eyes>

I am in the camp of just buying for adults. I don’t buy for anyone over 21. As all my children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews have grown up this means I just buy for the grandchildren. This takes an awful lot of pressure off Christmas. I do not buy for my husband and he does not buy for me. This is fine by me. People on here put an awful lot into buying presents and get upset if they don’t get nice presents back. What a palaver! To me it is the little everyday kindnesses that matter. However I have to be honest and say that if I really want something I can just buy it.

Ultimatum time:

Kids, you've got til October 14th to figure out what you want and let me know, otherwise you'll be getting the cash wrapped in an envelope on Christmas morning and a few token bits to unwrap.

Token bits are just small things like chocolate, a book, hair stuff, a small gadget for their houses that you think they could do with, new socks, etc etc.

Every year. So they know exactly what to expect.

Same here. Nobody over 18 gets an actual wrapped gift. But I do always give my adult children and adult god-children a monetary gift, I just transfer some money to their bank accounts.

With kindness, OP, if my mum was shopping for Christmas in July and worrying about money and what to buy me, I’d be really sad and want to reassure her it’s not necessary.

Can you not just have a chat with them and suggest a different/cheaper/simpler approach. Agree with the one gift per person or children only approach.

Because it’s really not worth all the pressure.