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Original poster

I'm stuck on a boat and I need a poo

297 replies

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 15:42

Genuinely. I've nc for this 😳
I'm on my friends boat and the etiquette is to just have a wee, but I've been told the poo procedure and I....just.....can't

OP posts:
LakieLady · 30/09/2023 17:28

The boat will be fitted with some sort of chemical toilet.

Like a caravan is.

I've been on a couple of boats where the lav was what my friend referred to as a "sea toilet". They have a handle that you pump to flush with water from around the boat, and I have a vague recollection that you had to open a valve of some sort first.

I also spent 10 days on a very old boat on the Norfolk Broads, where the facilities were "bucket and chuck it". I only needed to use it for a poo once, after that my bowels synchronised with licensing hours, so I could crap at our lunchtime pub stop.

booksandbeans · 30/09/2023 17:29

suspect he is thinking you might block said loo and he will have to unblock it. Boat loos are notoriously fickle about what will flush.

CinnamonBear · 30/09/2023 17:32

There's generally a toilet/shower block for boat owners at marinas. Your friend is an unhelpful ass.

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TheseLegsDefinitelyUsedToBeLonger · 30/09/2023 17:34

@FrenchandSaunders spill the beans OP!

did you really have to type that? Now I’ve got an image… 😂

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 17:35

Hope you've closed the valve that lets in the seawater after flushing the loo, OP. Because having a poo is going to be the last of your worries if you haven't. Grin

tommyhoundmum · 30/09/2023 17:36

Yes. use a carrier bag.

AnImaginaryCat · 30/09/2023 17:38

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:59

Oh God. What will my punishment be? To have to poo in this toilet again??

Show quote history

I think you'll be OK. Feel it's unlikely there's a marina with no toilet but CCTV everywhere.

Anyway, I want to know who has to suck off the poo tanker guy? Is that where the OP's friend she barely knows has gone in his dinghy?

Twiglets1 · 30/09/2023 17:39

I would have been having a shit and throwing it overboard 5 minutes after he left personally

IcakethereforeIam · 30/09/2023 17:40

Or waiting until I could see the whites of his eyes.

itsmyp4rty · 30/09/2023 17:41

Got this in my head now with all the talk of boats and dignity!

They'll ask me how I got her I'll say, "I saved my money"
They'll say, "Isn't she pretty? That ship called Dignity"

hby9628 · 30/09/2023 17:41

@Cartrouble1 that made me belly chuckle

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 17:41

Bare hands ?

Why didn't you just grab it in loo roll ?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2023 17:42

Anyway, I want to know who has to suck off the poo tanker guy? Is that where the OP's friend she barely knows has gone in his dinghy?

I does seem an odd form of payment. BJs for poo removal.

I just spent three weeks in a country with... basic sanitation. Poo anxiety is real.

GoodVibesHere · 30/09/2023 17:45

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 17:41

Bare hands ?

Why didn't you just grab it in loo roll ?

Wouldn't the loo roll go all soggy in the water and disintegrate in her poo-filled hands? It'd be a right mess.

Poor you, OP. You're never going to forget this incident!

StopFuckingTouchingMe · 30/09/2023 17:46

What was the 'poo procedure'?

DoesNotPlayWellWithIdiots · 30/09/2023 17:46

I used to go sailing around 30 years ago with my then DP on his small, very basic boat. No loo on board so if we were sailing/motoring it was the "bucket and chuck it" method.

I'd make sure to have a wee in the woods at the boatyard before we got underway (there was a rickety old wooden hut with a portaloo in it but it was always full of spiders - eek!) but poos had to wait until we got up river and moored up at the pub! 😂

Rosscameasdoody · 30/09/2023 17:48

LakieLady · 30/09/2023 17:28

The boat will be fitted with some sort of chemical toilet.

Like a caravan is.

I've been on a couple of boats where the lav was what my friend referred to as a "sea toilet". They have a handle that you pump to flush with water from around the boat, and I have a vague recollection that you had to open a valve of some sort first.

I also spent 10 days on a very old boat on the Norfolk Broads, where the facilities were "bucket and chuck it". I only needed to use it for a poo once, after that my bowels synchronised with licensing hours, so I could crap at our lunchtime pub stop.

Yep. We had a small boat some years ago and it had a sea toilet. You had to open the valve which let in sea water before flushing the loo with the pump. The trick is in remembering to close the valve when you’re done !!

Delpf · 30/09/2023 17:49

LakieLady · 30/09/2023 17:28

The boat will be fitted with some sort of chemical toilet.

Like a caravan is.

I've been on a couple of boats where the lav was what my friend referred to as a "sea toilet". They have a handle that you pump to flush with water from around the boat, and I have a vague recollection that you had to open a valve of some sort first.

I also spent 10 days on a very old boat on the Norfolk Broads, where the facilities were "bucket and chuck it". I only needed to use it for a poo once, after that my bowels synchronised with licensing hours, so I could crap at our lunchtime pub stop.

Sea toilet is not legal in the UK (but is in France, I believe). In the UK you cannot discharge human waste directly into a waterway. You CAN 'bag it an bin it'. And common practice to wee into a jar/bucket and chuck it over the side. Most boats will have a cassette loo (you trundle a full cassette over to an elsan point and empty it), a pump out or a compost loo (in reality 'bag it and bin it').

Boaters love talking about toilets.

catmothertes1 · 30/09/2023 17:49

itsmyp4rty · 30/09/2023 17:41

Got this in my head now with all the talk of boats and dignity!

They'll ask me how I got her I'll say, "I saved my money"
They'll say, "Isn't she pretty? That ship called Dignity"

I don't remember the verse about poo in the Deacon Blue song!

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 17:49

@GoodVibesHere well guess it depends if a solid poo or more liquid kind .....

WinterDeWinter · 30/09/2023 17:52

GalileoHumpkins · 30/09/2023 17:19

Why did you use your bare hands, didn't he have a spatula or something?

I will think of this every time I cook.

Shpatula [portmanteau term}

@Onaboat7 you did brilliantly - so well done. From the moment you thought 'Mumsnet will know', to chucking the log overboard, to updating us all - bravo.

Next time, arrange to meet in Cafe Rouge in the town centre.

KnottyKnitting · 30/09/2023 17:53

Out of interest- which marina are you at- I don't know a single one I have visited where there aren't toilet and shower facilities- even tiny little ones in the middle of nowhere!

Stravaig · 30/09/2023 17:53

Gosh OP, what an unecessary palaver! That bathroom looks clean and well-equipped for catch and dispose, although perhaps your friend should be giving step-by-step instructions to newbies. In fairness, he was probably worried you'd bolt overboard mid-sentence.

You have until age 50 to get over your squeamishness.* After that you will catch, sample, and send off your own poo to be screened for bowel cancer every 2 years.

*In Scotland; other countries may vary.

CakeInAJar · 30/09/2023 17:54

I have to say needing a poo with no modern toilet facilities in sight is my worst fear. Poor you OP!

Lorieandrews · 30/09/2023 18:01

Errrr

wait why couldn’t you poo in the toilet?!?

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