I'm stuck on a boat and I need a poo

[Onaboat7]

Genuinely. I've nc for this 😳
I'm on my friends boat and the etiquette is to just have a wee, but I've been told the poo procedure and I....just.....can't

@MrsTerryPratchett

"I just spent three weeks in a country with... basic sanitation. Poo anxiety is real."

By any chance, did this involve squatting over what is basically a hole in the floor? I've seen toilets like that before in various different countries.

Mostly in South or Central Asia (and also in southern Russia), but I have seen a similar toilet in a Tescos distribution centre here in the UK

Well, this has been an enormously informative thread 😳

I've seen racing yachts where the crew have to pee and pooh in a bucket and throw it overboard. My friend says that you get used to it 🙈

If you're in a marina then couldn't you have gone in a bag and binned it?

😆

What an absolutely ludicrous procedure!

😂Hand over the poo 👮

Why cant you just poo in the toilet ? Does he have to empty it?

Literally thought this said set alight the boat at first 😂😂🔥🔥

Can you imagine?? 😂😂😂

Yet it’s ok for people not to pick up their dog sh..!!
its big tides now so it will float away 😂

I too have suffered the indignity of pooing on a yacht - no poo procedure but naturally the tiny yacht toilet blocked, I pumped the flush for about half and hour to free it (literally audible on the whole boat), it STANK, the loo had a tiny porthole and I was literally sweltering 🥵 Came out to a full galley of people and we all pretended nothing had happened 😂 So I feel your pain OP

Normally preferable to horrific western toilets as long as your aim is good and you don't hit your shoes. They are good because you don't actually have to make skin contact with a revolting toilet seat.

Seems like surveillance training or military leave no trace etc

Warn them!!! 😂

Why didn't you poo into a carrier bag and put it into the bin?

Has your friend come back with a nice clean dinghy, OP? Are you all sitting cosily down below playing drinking games? Will you confess to hand scooping your poo overboard?

@Delpf

"Sea toilet is not legal in the UK (but is in France, I believe)."

You have this the wrong way round. In France, new boats built since 2008 are required to have a holding tank, or something similar, and older boats that don't have a holding tank are not allowed to discharge black water in marinas, rivers or canals (but many French canal barges disregard this).

In the UK there is no general law against releasing black water. In some areas, such as those which include marinas, there may be local byelaws that prohibit doing this, but otherwise, you're free to do as you like in most areas of the UK.

Also, marinas usually have rules that prohibit this. It is likely this reason why the OP was faced with this dilemma.

For example, on the rivers Trent, Ouse and Nene (they're in my part of the country) you can use a sea toilet just about anywhere you like. In contrast, there is a Port of London byelaw that prevents commercial vessels and houseboats doing this on the Thames but does not apply to pleasure vessels.

So, if you have your own motorboat, yacht, or canal barge (as long as you don't actually live on it full time) then you are free to empty out your black water right under Tower Bridge if you so wan tot.

Just as an aside, in American waters it is illegal to perform in a bucket then tip it over the side but it is ok to do it directly into the sea! But, other than that, they are pretty strict about not releasing black water within three miles of the coast.

Not sure if I have missed anything but is this a date situation? I feel we need more about the social context.

One thing I have decided in my old age is that when I need a toilet I will go and find a toilet. I do not need anyone's permission to do this. i don't need to apologise or explain. I would definitley have been in "get off the boat and find a toilet" camp.

A little while ago, while not very well and after a much longer than expected drive, I drive straight past the man I was supposed to be meeting who was waving and shouting, because I had put Tesco Extra in my phone map in the expectation of effortless parking and lovely toilets. It was only a mile away. i was not disappointed. Drove back to find the man when under considerably less pressure. A million times later than picking up a man in a strange city centre and trying to explain I need a toilet NOW, which he would have faff-blocked, not believed, not cared, etc. I spent about half an hour of the drive thinking "how will I explain that the FIRST thing I need to do is find a toilet?" and the last 2 minutest hinking "fuck it I won't even explain"

For future reference you need to know the next stage of the procedure, what your friend does with it. Throw it in the bin? Put it in a sealed container? Hand it to a policeman...?
When you know this, you can cut out the superfluous stage (the waste in the process, if you will) and complete the procedure yourself.

My shy bowels simply wouldn’t open in such circumstances thank goodness.

This reminds me of that story about that poor woman who tried to throw a poo out of the window, only for it to get stuck , and then for her to get stuck and requiring rescue by the fire brigade. And all while on a tinder date. Terrible but so funny.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296.amp

Good Lord, you've seen one of these in the UK?! I've used them in Georgia and Armenia.

It's not OK for people not to pick up their dog shit. You can be fined if caught.

Well this thread will make tomorrows daily fail then the friend will know.

Only it’s not okay for people not to pick up their dog shit in public areas, in fact that is also illegal!