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Original poster

I'm stuck on a boat and I need a poo

297 replies

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 15:42

Genuinely. I've nc for this 😳
I'm on my friends boat and the etiquette is to just have a wee, but I've been told the poo procedure and I....just.....can't

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/09/2023 16:57

It’s illegal to throw raw sewage into the sea so I hope for your sake there is no cctv in the marina.

Original poster
Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:58

It's not a date, thank fuck. He's a friend. He's still not back from having the dinghy cleaned. Considering just making a break for it.
Except another friend is joining us shortly.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 30/09/2023 16:58

This thread reminds me of travelling by train and being told we couldn't use the toilet when the train was in the station!

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Original poster
Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:59

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/09/2023 16:57

It’s illegal to throw raw sewage into the sea so I hope for your sake there is no cctv in the marina.

Oh God. What will my punishment be? To have to poo in this toilet again??

OP posts:
SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:59

liveforsummer · 30/09/2023 16:56

Presumably that's for the people that do it then prepare to hand it to him 😅

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Organised guy. There's kitchen roll on the top. If the loo roll isn't quite sturdy enough.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 30/09/2023 17:02

He's gone to get his dinghy
Gonna shit with dignity

SoLongAndThanksForAllTheVaricoseVeins · 30/09/2023 17:03

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:59

Organised guy. There's kitchen roll on the top. If the loo roll isn't quite sturdy enough.

Show quote history

There also seems to be a black bin bag, which I would have used as gloves if I was the OP.

PortalooSunset · 30/09/2023 17:04

I couldn't find the "into which we do not pass solids" clip, so this one will have to do:

League of Gentlemen - Denton Family -5- Toilet rule

In this house ....

https://youtu.be/fYzoQD89lKU?si=b7sqomg66YdiFAA1

IcakethereforeIam · 30/09/2023 17:05

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:59

Oh God. What will my punishment be? To have to poo in this toilet again??

Show quote history

Just change your name to Thames Water, you'll be fine 🙂

TulipTuesday · 30/09/2023 17:08

NooNakedJacuzziness · 30/09/2023 17:02

He's gone to get his dinghy
Gonna shit with dignity

😂😂

ThatsMeTold · 30/09/2023 17:11

He’s having you on.
There is no way he actually expects guests to hand him a steaming bag of shite.

Glad you have been, but dumping a log in the marina wasn’t great. I’m sure there are rules about that!

Winter2020 · 30/09/2023 17:12

What’s driving me mad is the fact your mate has headed off to a public toilet for a comfortable poo without taking you with him (aka “cleaning the dingy”).

whatausername · 30/09/2023 17:13

Onaboat7 · 30/09/2023 16:47

For those of you who don't believe me - here is said toilet.

Ok - I went - and scooped it out with my bare fucking hands, wrapped it in tissue and chucked it off the side. And watched it stubbornly float away.

My friend is not back yet. I have emptied and refilled the fucking toilet about ten times.

WHY DID YOU NOT POO ON A THICK NEST OF LOO ROLL ON THE FLOOR! If you're going to handle it anyway don't mix it with water! Just pre-make a poo basket. Why put your hands in a communal poop receptacle. Oh you poor poor woman. Go home. Scrub under your nails. Have wine/vodka/gin/whisky. Bed.

Edit: And then wrap it thoroughly and hand it to him. Or bag it and carry it home SAS-style.

MartyFunkhouser · 30/09/2023 17:16

You should’ve just held on to it, by which I mean waited to shit at home or somewhere. Unless you suffer from IBS or a bowel disease (and I haven’t RTFT), there’s no reason why you couldn’t do this.

Can’t belief you threw a shit into the water. That’s completely not on.

oakleaffy · 30/09/2023 17:17

This reply has been deleted

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viques · 30/09/2023 17:18

I hate to tell you this OP, but it looks as though there is a decent sized plastic bag next to the toilet. Never mind, you know it’s there for next time.

GalileoHumpkins · 30/09/2023 17:19

Why did you use your bare hands, didn't he have a spatula or something?

whatausername · 30/09/2023 17:19

Wish I had brain bleach. This is what I get for procrastinating.

fulawitt · 30/09/2023 17:21

I laughed a lot.

MrsMariaReynolds · 30/09/2023 17:22

What on Earth does the Captain DO with the poo handed over from boat guests? My mind is going everywhere...

Rosscameasdoody · 30/09/2023 17:23

I’m imagining a sainsburys carrier bag taped to your bum !

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 17:24

I'd have spent my time checking out the galley for a sieve. Or a colander. Or cling film.

Twospaniels · 30/09/2023 17:27

SpamFritata · 30/09/2023 16:43

Well, it is true because that's what happened the many times I've been sailing, both in the UK and abroad, in friends' boats and on holiday charter boats. But if you can arrange a sucking off by the poo tanker guy, marvellous.

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. But if you can arrange a sucking off by the poo tanker guy, marvellous.

Every 7 or 8 days 😁

justwatchingtelly · 30/09/2023 17:28

I'm sorry but I cannot stop laughing. What on earth? There is no way that you can hand a person a poo. There has to be another procedure.

Senmumofmany · 30/09/2023 17:28

Just do it, then exclaim disgust at how ‘dogs get everywhere these days! ‘ and say you’ll have to start a thread on Mn about being anti dog friendly boats 😂

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