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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
user1471556818 · 26/09/2023 13:47

Yes you are wrong

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

TheLeavesAreTurningBrown · 26/09/2023 13:49

I think it depends op.
My in laws have weapinised presents so for mine not to bring a gift is sending a message.however my own dp were disorganised and would definitely send or bring something at some point but would mean no malice

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Dillydollydingdong · 26/09/2023 13:49

At least they came to visit.

Lindy2 · 26/09/2023 13:51

It's unusual to not bring a gift for the new baby. I guess at least they made the effort to visit though.

What are they like for birthdays and Christmas? I guess some people just don't really think about gifts very much. Personally I love choosing new baby gifts. There's so many cute things to choose from. It's a shame but you can't control what other people do and don't do.

caerdydd12 · 26/09/2023 13:51

You say it's not about the presents but about the effort, yet they have made an effort by visiting so I don't know (other than gifts) what would show you their effort?

weleasewoderick23 · 26/09/2023 13:53

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Brilliant 😂

Lorelaigilmore88 · 26/09/2023 13:53

Yes it would be nice if they bought something but if they're otherwise okay inlaws i wouldn't care. Dont dwell on it, I'm sure its not a slight.

Rose38 · 26/09/2023 13:53

Maybe they will bring something next time they come round?

GeorgeBeckett · 26/09/2023 13:59

My parents are like this, they just aren't really present people. They don't work like this, don't like random crap and are a bit socially awkward. But they'd give me £20k if I asked, and would happily help out practically in an emergency if asked. We're all different. Maybe it's just not their way.

Justletpeopleenjoythings · 26/09/2023 14:02

This wouldn't even register with me.

smartiesnskittles · 26/09/2023 14:05

I cannot believe this even crossed your mind. Gifts are voluntarily given, not expected. And a new baby is new, give people time to think and shop for a gift. Not everyone chooses to buy weeks pre-delivery.

Congratulations on your baby.

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:05

I’m with you OP. They sound unpleasant, tight and pretty awful to be honest. It’s not about greed or entitlement. If you go round to see a new mum/baby then you at least bring a card, some inexpensive chocolates, flowers, little outfit for baby or whatever……

That is what you call good manners. Personally I think it’s entitlement from them to come round empty handed at a time whereby you might not even want people round but you graciously let them in anyway…..

A card from card factory is 69p

Do people have zero integrity these days?

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 26/09/2023 14:05

Yes, if it were friends or colleagues visiting, you'd expect a present; but this is family coming to welcome the new member.

Most of those friends will end up having very little to do with your child's life as s/he grows up, beyond the initial card and present, but they will (hopefully) be an integral, crucial part of it for the rest of their lives.

HeddaGarbled · 26/09/2023 14:06

I actually quite admire people who don’t get sucked into these social conventions.

Cowlover89 · 26/09/2023 14:06

So what. Least they came to see your baba

Severalreasons · 26/09/2023 14:06

It depends what they usually do,
I.e my inlaws make up these gorgeous hamper basket type things full of gorgeous gifts and a new pair of gold earrings for every daughter/daughter in law who has a baby...for me, they always come with a bag of primark clothes in the primark carrier bag and that's it.
Now that's sending a clear message to me but if your inlaws aren't a gift giving type of family anyway then it wouldn't bother me.

PinkRoses1245 · 26/09/2023 14:06

You are being very greedy. It’s your baby, why you think anyone else is necessarily interested is beyond me

SoRainbowRhythms · 26/09/2023 14:06

Grabby much?

frazzled101 · 26/09/2023 14:08

How many days old was the baby?

Perhaps they rushed to see the baby and will bring a gift next time.

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:09

@frazzled101

They won’t. They didn’t bring anything for the first baby either. Absolute tight arses. I wouldn’t dream of going empty handed to see a new baby/mum.

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/09/2023 14:09

YABVU. It's your second baby, why would they ask if you need anything?! And why are you expecting gifts for both children?! They came to visit you and meet the new baby. Surely that's enough. You sound very high maintenance and grabby.

Creepyrosemary · 26/09/2023 14:10

I did this once because I wanted to meet the baby but had no money for a gift without going hungry.

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 14:11

Look at it this way: it’s not going to help your relationship with them for you to think like this. They are your partner and children’s family and so yours by extension. Every family has a different culture and way of doing things. Try and be tolerant of their difference.

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:12

@HundredMilesAnHour

OP meant they didn’t bring a gift when the first baby was born. Can people not read.

Anyway OP you’ll get everyone on here saying you’re grabby etc but honestly you’re not. It’s the thought that counts and I doubt you’re sitting there demanding luxurious presents for your baby.

Still a 69p card wouldn’t have gone amiss and some thought involved but never mind I guess you won’t need to return the favour on anything for them in the future😜.

I would never pop round to see a new baby without a card and a little gift. Super embarrassing.