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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 26/09/2023 16:26

Creepyrosemary · 26/09/2023 14:10

I did this once because I wanted to meet the baby but had no money for a gift without going hungry.

I'm sorry you were in a financial mess, but you did have nine months warning about the baby presumably.

RedAndWhiteCarnations · 26/09/2023 16:27

Neither my parents nor PIL have taken a gift for tte baby (And sibling fir dc2).
It didn’t even come to my mind to expect it iyswim. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

DiscoBeat · 26/09/2023 16:28

Maybe they wanted to get ideas from you and what you already had first.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ShanghaiDiva · 26/09/2023 16:34

Itsgettingweirdnow · 26/09/2023 16:24

This.

Something has happened (Covid, change of the times?) but basic good manners are seen as either greedy or not needed…. But they bloody well are. It feels like a large chunk of the population are allowing basic standards to slip. I hate it.

Definitely.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/09/2023 16:48

YABU
Perhaps they haven't had chance to find a suitable gift
They came to visit so it's not as if they don't care

Mossstitch · 26/09/2023 16:57

Freezingcoldinseptember · 26/09/2023 14:29

I wasn't expecting a fandango when ils got the dgd they had dreamed of after 6 dgs but when mil announced my gift was in the car I was more than a teeny weeny bit excited...
A frying pan people.. A Tefal fucking frying pan...
Wish she had come empty handed. If mn had been around then I would have needed alibi's for my new patio.

Yanbu op. It's the obvious lack of care for your family....

You made me laugh🍳🍳🍳😂
Took me back to hospital a long time ago with firstborn grandson on both sides, mother-in-law turned up with some rather sad looking flowers from her garden, mother with bunch of supermarket mini roses, husband with nothing! I was embarrassed (not grabby) because not a card or balloon between them when all three of the other occupants in the bay were covered in giant bouquets, balloons and cards. Really made me feel totally uncared for!

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 26/09/2023 17:00

I had my first a long time ago, although my last is much younger. People never used to bring gifts, or have "gender reveal parties, or similar. You might bring a small gift for the baby to a christening, if there was going to be one.

piscesangel · 26/09/2023 17:02

It probably is a bit rude to show up empty handed but at the same time it's not something I can imagine having even noticed when I had a newborn. It just doesn't seem important in context, given they did make the effort to come and visit.

Tartantotty · 26/09/2023 17:06

You're being unfair. They made an effort to come and see you and the baby. Some folk are just not present givers, give them some slack and get over it.

I don't think you're greedy, as someone has suggested, but I do thing you're maybe a bit materialistic.

strawberriesarenot · 26/09/2023 17:07

Oh for goodness sake.
Some people don't. My dad gave me a book, in our whole 50 year relationship. That was it. I don't like gifts myself. They are seldom entirely unloaded.

bellylaughter · 26/09/2023 17:10

Did you have a baby shower? Maybe they brought something to that and felt they had already contributed?

Zebedee55 · 26/09/2023 17:10

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

As a Nan of 5, then, yes, I would have turned up with something.

But, it's not compulsory.🙂😬

Original poster
Freyaz · 26/09/2023 17:18

@bellylaughter no nothing like that before baby arrived

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/09/2023 17:25

It’s rude to not show up with a gift but it’s also rude to complain about not getting one. Don’t even start me on the complaint about the other child not being given a gift as well.

If they’re generally unhelpful people who only want photos then will never be seen again then I sort of get it but I find people who angst over their kids not being given gifts pretty hard work.

topnoddy · 26/09/2023 17:25

And ?

What where you expecting a brand new Bently ?

Original poster
Freyaz · 26/09/2023 17:26

ShanghaiDiva · 26/09/2023 16:12

I think some of these comments are very harsh. It’s completely normal to take a gift when visiting a newborn and op is not being grabby/greedy

Thank you.. it seems like real-life social norms don’t exist on here and I should just be so grateful they showed up to see their own son’s child and pass him round my living room taking pictures for their social media while I was sitting grinning through gritted teeth in extreme pain 😂

OP posts:
fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/09/2023 17:28

(I may be slightly biased as I’ve had two friends complain to my face that the gifts I gave to their babies weren’t correct and/or good enough. I find people who complain about gifts ruder than those who don’t show up with one.)

saffronsoup · 26/09/2023 17:30

I get friends and family a gift eventually, usually in the first few months but I certainly don’t bring a gift the first or every time I visit someone with a new baby. If someone judged me for it, I wouldn’t care. If they are that shallow, superficial and greedy, I don’t want them as a friend.

GoonieGang · 26/09/2023 17:30

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Best comment ever 😂

smallshinybutton · 26/09/2023 17:32

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 17:26

Thank you.. it seems like real-life social norms don’t exist on here and I should just be so grateful they showed up to see their own son’s child and pass him round my living room taking pictures for their social media while I was sitting grinning through gritted teeth in extreme pain 😂

Show quote history

That's a completely seperate issue to the gift.
And if you don't want your kid on social media you have to intervene because loads of people see kids as props for their Instagram. It's shit but you have to speak up.

smallshinybutton · 26/09/2023 17:33

And those of us who had babies during the shitty heights of covid lockdown would have loved to have seen another adult human gift or no gift.

WombatChocolate · 26/09/2023 17:39

It’s possibly a bit surprising….but not worth giving any further thought to.

Perhaos they are the types that simply aren’t interested in baby clothes and stuff. Perhaps they will put £500 in a bank account for baby. Perhaos they will do nothing.

It would be disappointing if they didn’t make any effort to come and visit. Stuff is meaningless really.

Honestly, move on. You start to sound as if you’ve got an axe to grind and do t like them and on the eye out for things to criticise them for. Make an effort to not think about it and to see the good in them.

DungareesAndTrombones · 26/09/2023 17:39

Everyone saying the OP is unreasonable are fucking mental 😂😂😂

Of COURSE your inlaws should have brought a gift and it is so weird that they didn't. What grandparents don't get their new grand baby a present? And something for their other granddaughter? Weird as fuck.

OverCCCs · 26/09/2023 17:40

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:12

@HundredMilesAnHour

OP meant they didn’t bring a gift when the first baby was born. Can people not read.

Anyway OP you’ll get everyone on here saying you’re grabby etc but honestly you’re not. It’s the thought that counts and I doubt you’re sitting there demanding luxurious presents for your baby.

Still a 69p card wouldn’t have gone amiss and some thought involved but never mind I guess you won’t need to return the favour on anything for them in the future😜.

I would never pop round to see a new baby without a card and a little gift. Super embarrassing.

Er, no, OP clearly meant that they didn’t bring her eldest DC a gift when they came to visit the new baby (which she even then went on to say later in the thread is something she does when visiting new babies):

”They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too.”

ShanghaiDiva · 26/09/2023 17:40

saffronsoup · 26/09/2023 17:30

I get friends and family a gift eventually, usually in the first few months but I certainly don’t bring a gift the first or every time I visit someone with a new baby. If someone judged me for it, I wouldn’t care. If they are that shallow, superficial and greedy, I don’t want them as a friend.

Bur the visitors are the grandparents, not friends or acquaintances