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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
PyramusandThisbe · 26/09/2023 15:16

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Grin

'What, no gold, frankincense or myrrh???? Cheeky fuckers!'

TomatoSandwiches · 26/09/2023 15:28

YABU

Bookish88 · 26/09/2023 15:29

Creepyrosemary · 26/09/2023 14:10

I did this once because I wanted to meet the baby but had no money for a gift without going hungry.

What relevance does this have to the OP whose ILs aren't short of money?

OP, you'll be called grabby etc but personally I agree with you, in most families it would be considered quite odd behaviour.

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Families
Spareus · 26/09/2023 15:30

Bit grabby tbh. They did a nice thing by visiting.

PenhillDarkMonarch · 26/09/2023 15:33

I must be getting old and cynical.

Another thread guarnateed to get a reaction, by someone with no other posting history against their posting name....

SirChenjins · 26/09/2023 15:33

Yes OP - just be grateful for a visit, and if you're really lucky they'll forage a walnut for their grandchild's Christmas.

Pleaselettheholidayend · 26/09/2023 15:34

What a weird thread, people get so weird about the expectations of gift giving on this site.

I get what you mean, the actual gift is not important but it's hurtful to think this babies own grandparents didn't take the time to think of this before meeting them. I wouldn't do it to my own grandchildren and I'd have been hurt if my kids grandparents had done the same, even a bunch of flowers or a little teddy!

Florenceatemycake · 26/09/2023 15:35

You're being unreasonable. They're the grandparents; they don't need to bring a present. Neither sets of mine did for any of ours. Didn't occur to me to be put out.

MariePaperRoses · 26/09/2023 15:38

Why should they bring anything?

Some people don't like consumerism.

They know you and your husband are capable of producing die your baby else presumably you wouldn't have had a baby!

It's quite refreshing that someone hasn't turned up with yet a other baby outfit that the infant will never wear!

Lavenderandbrown · 26/09/2023 15:40

Would you want some of these suggested gifts..”cheap bunch of flowers a 69p card a rattle chocolate ?? Do you need another sleeper or soft toy? To do what…prop around the house cluttering it up? I wouldn’t want any of it sitting around. I would want companionship someone to admire my baby and beautiful nursery and maybe order a take in or prepare a small meal for me MN gift giving is a mystery to me. Gift giving is so admired on MN…IS someone really more thoughtful for a “cheap bouquet or card” They gave you their time and attention and that is in fact effort. And if they brought you a card or flowers or chocolate wouldn’t a post follow…all my in laws brought was a cheap xxx. Look to the long game op and appreciate the people in your life not the stuff they bring.

SirChenjins · 26/09/2023 15:43

How about a book for the 3 year old? Or a cake for them all to eat while they're visiting? Or a packet of babygros or vests which babies get through at a rate of knots? Or - here's a radical thought - ask the OP if there's anything she wants/needs in advance of their visit? It's not as if the baby has come as a last minute surprise.

Original poster
Freyaz · 26/09/2023 15:55

@Tribevibes that was how I felt. I would never go round to a friend’s house who had just had a baby a few days before and not take something. Not some big luxurious gift but something to show I’d put some thought into going.

When I went to my friend’s I took a small thing for baby, a little sticker book for her sister and a box of cakes. I feel like I’d be rude just to turn up to see/hold their newborn when most likely they don’t actually want you there when they’re still in agony and would really rather be in bed. A card or any small gesture to show they care or had put some thought into coming was all I was looking for.

They have been for a second visit and didn’t bring anything then either. I had slightly thought maybe that was what they were going to do but nope 😬

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 26/09/2023 15:58

"They sound unpleasant, tight and pretty awful to be honest."

Based ENTIRELY on the fact that on this occasion they didn't bring a present?

Atticustheaardvark · 26/09/2023 15:58

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Oh this made me choke on my cuppa 😂

Ilovelifeverymuch · 26/09/2023 16:01

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

What bullocks, it's not really the fact that she is desperate for gifts but the fact they didn't even show interest in their new grandchild.

Jeez mumsnet can be such a weird place.

Original poster
Freyaz · 26/09/2023 16:01

@Pleaselettheholidayend totally 😂 and it’s true that you don’t want half the stuff cluttering up your house but in the same way you don’t want half the anniversary or birthday presents you maybe get but it’s the principle of the fact someone thought of you and is making a nice gesture, or in this case the fact they hadn’t.

It might have been a different story if they were round helping me when I was heavily pregnant and struggling to do things with my 3 year old or did lots to help last time we had a baby but it’s very much we will come and get pictures with the baby while they’re small and cute then vanish again

OP posts:
Original poster
Freyaz · 26/09/2023 16:03

@Ilovelifeverymuch that’s it exactly.. I’m not on complaining they didn’t bring my baby a Louis Vuitton sleepsuit. I would have appreciated any slight effort that showed they’d thought about us prior to turning up

OP posts:
Yellowflower47 · 26/09/2023 16:03

I’m actually laughing at the people who are saying you should be grateful that they did a nice thing by visiting their own son’s new baby!! Imagine having to feel grateful that your parents even bothered to show up to meet the child you’ve created and your wife has birthed. Lord, some people’s family dynamics are odd.

It’s plain rude to not even bring a card and chocolates for you and your DH and then maybe say, we wanted to get baby something you needed rather than get another blanket/sleepsuit etc, so what do you need?

Also, I’m going to guess that they expect to be hosted even though you’ve got a new born and a 3yo and don’t offer to help you with anything, ever?

smallshinybutton · 26/09/2023 16:04

They have been for a second visit and didn’t bring anything then either. I had slightly thought maybe that was what they were going to do but nope 😬 this update makes you sound even more grabby. What's with the emoji.

Get over it

dothehokeycokey · 26/09/2023 16:06

My in laws are the same and it spreads to any occasion now.

It's not about being greedy but thought of.

We don't get cards on any occasions from them and haven't for years.

As soon as the elder kids turned 18 they stopped any Xmas gift money and normally buy a bag of cheap stuff they don't need.

Husbands comment last year after a bag of plastic non reusable shite was that surely it would be better to let them choose something to that value but it's about control not the money with them.

They were the ones who said no more Xmas giving to anyone anymore and yet the first year we did it mil moaned and said it would have been good to have gotten something from us even though they didn't !

Gnomegnomegnome · 26/09/2023 16:07

So you know what kind of people they are but you are still surprised?

I don’t know if everyone who visited came with gifts for mine when they were born, that might sound ungrateful to those that did but I genuinely couldn’t tell you.

FluffMagnet · 26/09/2023 16:11

I think it is hurtful OP. My in-laws didn't even send a card when my second was born, and I don't recall them showing much interest when he was admitted back into hospital for a week at a few days old. In fact they still haven't even met him several years on. I'm not being grabby for me but I grieve for my children being seemingly so unwanted by their own family.

ShanghaiDiva · 26/09/2023 16:12

I think some of these comments are very harsh. It’s completely normal to take a gift when visiting a newborn and op is not being grabby/greedy

SirChenjins · 26/09/2023 16:23

smallshinybutton · 26/09/2023 16:04

They have been for a second visit and didn’t bring anything then either. I had slightly thought maybe that was what they were going to do but nope 😬 this update makes you sound even more grabby. What's with the emoji.

Get over it

No it doesn’t - don’t be ridiculous. Here’s another emoji for you 🙄

OP, it sounds like they’re just rubbish grandparents sadly. Did you have to make them cups of tea as a show of gratitude for their visit?

Itsgettingweirdnow · 26/09/2023 16:24

This.

Something has happened (Covid, change of the times?) but basic good manners are seen as either greedy or not needed…. But they bloody well are. It feels like a large chunk of the population are allowing basic standards to slip. I hate it.