In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

[Freyaz]

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

Who doesn't take a present when visiting a new baby?! My mind is totally, totally boggled. I would always always always always take a present. Always. A cute little outfit or a blanket or a soft toy or something nice for the Mum for being amazing.

Mumsnet is so weird.

I agree.

Obviously YANBU, OP. Can't believe these comments.

Not a done thing in my circle, to come empty handed. If you're invited to someone's house (friends, relatives, etc) - you ALWAYS bring something. Baby or no baby. Chocolates/cake/biscuits/wine/flowers/whatever if going for a simple visit (dinner/coffee). Flowers/chocolate/card or similar for mum and a gift for a baby if visiting newborn. If there are siblings - then something small (usually edible) for siblings too, sweets, ice-cream, colouring books, something like that. Everybody I know does this and I always do.

I wouldn't dream of coming completely empty handed and plonking myself on the sofa while new mum is making coffee for me. It would be completely embarrassing.

Both my parents and in-laws brought ample gifts for both baby and me, friends came with smaller gifts. No one came empty handed.

Not another one of these 'I want a present' threads YABU.

So what? Why can’t a grandparent visit without having to. Ring material goods as gifts?

I just can’t imagine for myself having family or friends visit and my thought is what did you bring me? What did you buy me? What have you got for me? Where’s my gift? Why didn’t you bring me gifts? Why are you even here if you aren't giving me stuff?

My family isn’t really materialistic plans gift oriented. We visit each other all the time and no one is taking or asking what did you get for me? Did you buy me something?

Why do you need a gift?? So rude

Of course you are not grabby!!! Ridiculous. It's their grandchild! Of course you come bearing gifts . My granny knitted for months before each of her 12 grandchildren and presented her handmade gifts upon the births. This was the 70s and they were bloody broke. My in laws were like this and its bloody weird and tight but typical of rich folk I think. At least they could have cooked and brought dinner around as you will both be exhausted.

But we are not discussing a casual visit; this is a first visit to see the newborn baby. I don’t bring a gift when I visit relatives, but this is quite a special occasion and completely standard to take flowers/gift for baby/ card/ gift for sibling. It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about acknowledging the occasion like a wedding or engagement party.

Agree. It’s not a world I recognise!

I don't think anyone is saying it's not completely typical for people to bring gifts when visiting a newborn!
The point is, that if otherwise loving and supportive relatives don't bring something, is that a reason to be offended/upset or as some seem to be suggesting angry!?
Sane people are saying just move on and focus on the positives they do bring.
Obviously if it's part of a pattern of unloving behaviour, that's different.

This exactly!

It's not how I was raised, but seeing as you chose to marry a man raised in this way I don't think you have a leg to stand on really. As long as they're good to the GDC, that's ultimately what matters.

We've never taken anything when meeting our DGCs for the first time. Why should we? YABU.

With my in-laws, gifts are the only important thing. And cash. Actually visiting, talking or seeing their grandkid doesn’t matter. My SILs will lavish my kid & never ever see him.

They should have brought you flowers or a small gift for the baby, a little babygro or booties, does not cost a lot but it is the thought that counts. Maybe they just did not think or they are tight gits. Congrats on new baby and all the best.

😂😂😂 this made me snort

I agree though. Then making a point of throwing in that they should have gotten your older DC a present, because everybody else did? While other people were generous, this is not something that has always happened 🙄

Here we go all the puritans " ooh greedy" " their very presence is the gift" blah blah.
Yes I would expect such close relatives to do something, even my random elderly neighbours I hadn't met bought me hand knitted booties!
It's sad I bet your DH was a bit sad about it. My in law's asked if they could buy something useful like the car seat etc and also bought a little outfit.
And yes if they didn't have much money a little primark teddy would have been lovely too.

Should have added dh bought me a huge sack of potatoes 'now there was more of us' . Not sure how a bf dc needs spuds but there you go..
Exh for many years...

No absolutely no need to- no need to celebrate a joyous occasion with a small gift for the newborn or the woman who has just birthed your grandchild. The misery on here is unbelievable.

Not sure why they visit really. Stay at home, sit on a spike and nibble a raw turnip.

Not sure that’s true. Plenty of posters on here saying why we would we take a gift…?
the sane/insane grouping is not helpful either.

Don't close family sit outside of normal etiquette? How many things do you need, are they loving to you and the baby?

No - why would they? If I ever have grandchildren I will be buying gifts for them - why on earth wouldn’t I? My parents and in laws did, we bought for my sister - it’s a lovely time and it’s nice to buy gifts for the new baby and their siblings.

Exactly. I wouldn't dream of going to "just" a friend or a distant cousin without a gift for the new baby, but for someone close where I'll (hope to) be involved regularly, I'd take things as and when they needed something, which is likely not when they've just been given more newborn stuff than they know what to do with.

I don't think my own parents bought a present when they came for the first visit, but they've done loads over the years.

YANVU