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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
barbarahunter · 26/09/2023 14:35

Of course you want your baby to be loved etc, but I am with the OP, it is bloody tight to rock up with fuck all for the baby. It tends to follow that if they're tight in that way they're probably tight in other ways too. Bloody hell, no one is saying buy the baby anything expensive but it's so lovely to bring a hand-knitted cardi or a little playsuit to wear, or maybe a rattle. Thoughtless too.

SirChenjins · 26/09/2023 14:37

It’s v unusual not to bring a gift, esp for your grandchildren (although this is MN where social conventions are routinely dissed - unless you were the in-laws posting, in which case you would be hugely unreasonable for not bringing a gift…). Were they excited/delighted to meet their new DGC? Perhaps they’ll bring a gift the next time?

CorylusAgain · 26/09/2023 14:37

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:30

@CorylusAgain

I think it’s the thought that counts to be honest…. I just wouldn’t dream of going round to see a brand new baby without even a card, chocs, flowers, anything really!

When my third was born my mother in law came round with a wrapped plate of jacobs crackers and cheese that she had prepared whilst I was in labour at home (and they were very, very much appreciated).

Well I wouldn’t dream of it personally and I’ll always be buying a little something whenever I get the pleasure of meeting a new baby family or friends….

I wasn't advocating that people shouldn't take a gift. I'm simply saying that in the grand scheme of things it's not a heinous crime.

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Families
Alloveragain3 · 26/09/2023 14:39

My in laws aren't gift givers or card writers. I'd be shocked if they brought anything for our new baby.

However, they're incredible. They love our DS and spend so much time playing with him when they're here. They clearly love him dearly.

A gift is meaningless, I feel blessed that they love my child like I do. Cheesy but true.

writteninthewater · 26/09/2023 14:42

If they are otherwise loving and caring grandparents I wouldn't think anything of it.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 26/09/2023 14:42

I don’t think you’re wrong for thinking they should have bought something. It’s generally the done thing to take something to the mother and/or baby when visiting for the first time after the birth. Need not be anything big, but a token or some food or something is usual.

Personally I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but I would find it unusual. Possibly a sign, along with generally not asking about the baby, that they aren’t overly bothered? Not everyone is keen on new babies.

amicissimma · 26/09/2023 14:43

A lot of people think that relationships are more than the material things that individuals supply. Perhaps you have those type of inlaws. Which I, personally, would consider a blessing. Not a fan of 'stuff'.

CorylusAgain · 26/09/2023 14:43

Alloveragain3 · 26/09/2023 14:39

My in laws aren't gift givers or card writers. I'd be shocked if they brought anything for our new baby.

However, they're incredible. They love our DS and spend so much time playing with him when they're here. They clearly love him dearly.

A gift is meaningless, I feel blessed that they love my child like I do. Cheesy but true.

Exactly.
Why are people so quick to condemn?

Justcallmebebes · 26/09/2023 14:44

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Grin
Brbreeze · 26/09/2023 14:46

My in-laws didn't bring anything when they came to meet our baby (first grandchild). I wouldn't have expected anything, I'm not sure why you would.

She is now nearly 2 and they are doting grandparents who look after her 2 days a week from 7.30-6pm and have saved us thousands in childcare. Definitely don't hold the lack of gift against them.

Thinking about it, I don't think my parents brought anything either!

TtcRose12 · 26/09/2023 14:49

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

Your really wrong no one has to buy your child anything atall you decided to have the children so you buy for them your self. No one is under any obligation to buy your kids anything I'm not expecting everyone to bring stuff for mine

Trickytimer · 26/09/2023 14:50

PinkRoses1245 · 26/09/2023 14:06

You are being very greedy. It’s your baby, why you think anyone else is necessarily interested is beyond me

Only on mumsnet 😂

caringcarer · 26/09/2023 14:52

Maybe they will open a bank account for your baby. They did make time to visit their new DGC.

Miggymoggymugwumps · 26/09/2023 14:52

My friend always lightheartedly says "if it's not your first baby then nobody cares!"

Theraffarian · 26/09/2023 14:54

I wouldn’t turn up to visit a new baby without a card for mum and a pressie for the baby , because let’s face it baby gifts are just the blinking cutest things we ever get to buy ,

EXCEPT the one time when I had bought baby number one the very item mum had asked for , not cheap but not a problem , until I found that she decided she didn’t like it after all and sold it soon after . In this case baby number two got diddly squat.
Could there be a reason why they came empty handed?

tescocreditcard · 26/09/2023 14:54

Miggymoggymugwumps · 26/09/2023 14:52

My friend always lightheartedly says "if it's not your first baby then nobody cares!"

I cared about my second and third babies and I care about all my family and friends children, not just the first one - who the fuck does that?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/09/2023 14:55

I don't think I know anyone in real life who has this train of thought. thankfully.
I guess etiquette would suggest it's ordinarily the case to bring something, but seriously, don't be the kind of person who notices this shit, thinks about it, talks about it, writes a thread on it.

smallshinybutton · 26/09/2023 14:56

You are excused as you have a baby and are possibly hormonal and most likely sleep deprived

Wrongsideofpennines · 26/09/2023 14:58

Exactly the same scenario here. We got fewer presents this time around overall but my PIL were very generous with setting up a savings account and getting gifts for our first and this time around we literally just got a card.

Boredandborder · 26/09/2023 15:01

I don't think you sound grabby, greedy or entitled I think it's thoughtless to arrive with nothing, even if it was just an offer to help in some way. But a small thoughtful gift should have been provided. Their lack of interest in your pregnancy speaks volumes. I'm also sorry you've had some rather unkind remarks.

Dizzydeers · 26/09/2023 15:04

My in laws didn’t bring anything when DD2 was born.

We all went abroad when DD2 was 4 months old to visit SIL who was pregnant. MIL kept asking her DD if she needed anything for the baby and kept offering to buy her items. It felt hurtful.
Then the ILs gave SIL an outfit for her baby to be and me a pair of baby socks. I thanked then for DD2s first present, they were mortified that they had been so thoughtless.

Newphony · 26/09/2023 15:10

user1471556818 · 26/09/2023 13:47

Yes you are wrong

Don't be ridiculous!

Newphony · 26/09/2023 15:11

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

Really? Just Really?

Grumpyold · 26/09/2023 15:13

I'd take something to a distant relative/friend but probably not for my sister who I know well enough to know has more stuff than she wants already.

I think you're looking to be offended.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 26/09/2023 15:14

weleasewoderick23 · 26/09/2023 13:53

Brilliant 😂

Show quote history

Disagree with this.

It's rude to come empty handed, it's easy to bring a card or small gift for baby or mum, or a cake or something to pop in the oven for dinner.

People are so incredibly selfish and thoughtless towards each other.