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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:52

It’s the grand parents! Of course they should be interested

Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:56

That isn’t what she is saying. And to be honest if they didn’t bring a gift to celebrate the birth then I doubt they will be hands on grandparents either.

Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:58

why are you so surprised at this. Whenever I visit a newborn I always take a card and gift and that counts for both family and friends

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CakeInAJar · 04/10/2023 13:01

Because the world needs even more to shit passed around (probably ending up in landfill) for no reason other than people getting their knickers in a knot about customs and being polite

Mothership4two · 04/10/2023 13:09

I don't generally give presents because of customs and being polite but because I want to which I would do if a family member had a baby. You don't have to buy shit... (probably ending up in landfill) if you just use your brain and buy sensibly.

BethDuttonsTwin · 04/10/2023 14:08

Blueflower1612 · 04/10/2023 12:50

It’s common courtesy to bring a gift. Honestly I am genuinely surprised by all these people who think it’s ok to turn up empty handed

This.

tellittothemoon · 04/10/2023 14:33

YANBU. They are being thoughtless. However, maybe they were just focussing on themselves, their excitement to see new grandchild, and didn't even pause to think how you might be feeling. It's NOT "grabby" to want something small just to mark the occasion - even a bunch of supermarket flowers would probably have done the job. I think you just have to accept it as thoughtlessness rather than anything deeper.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 14:51

What balls! "These days"? It has ALWAYS been the etiquette to bring a gift for a new baby.
Your granny, and her granny, would be ashamed of you.

Hahaha, no they wouldn't. 😂
Quite the reverse, they'd be echoing what I've said here.

In any case, I'm not arguing against gift-giving per se. It's the expectation of gifts I'm objecting to.

whatnot929 · 04/10/2023 14:57

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 14:51

What balls! "These days"? It has ALWAYS been the etiquette to bring a gift for a new baby.
Your granny, and her granny, would be ashamed of you.

Hahaha, no they wouldn't. 😂
Quite the reverse, they'd be echoing what I've said here.

In any case, I'm not arguing against gift-giving per se. It's the expectation of gifts I'm objecting to.

Oh well, I guess you got your lack of manners from your family. Makes sense. Can't really blame you if you were never taught how to behave properly!

Natzyc · 04/10/2023 15:53

I agree that this is odd for grandparents and it would very much annoy me too. Not the money just the principle of it. It’s absolutely weirdo behaviour … as if you’d turn up with nothing!

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 15:57

Oh well, I guess you got your lack of manners from your family. Makes sense. Can't really blame you if you were never taught how to behave properly!

Show me where I said I don't take gifts myself when visiting a newborn baby?

You won't be able to, because I do. Not through expectation or through any sense of etiquette but because I want to.

Once more because repetition seems to be necessary, it's the expectation of gifts that I'm objecting to.

Are you always this hard work?

coolkatt · 04/10/2023 16:00

no ur not wrong it's stingy af.
no one HAS to do anything. but it's their grandchild. but it's fine. don't give any pressies at xmas birthdays and saves u all the hassle.

BlanketyB · 04/10/2023 16:04

It's a bit unusual - yes. Presumably this is in character for them though?

My in-laws surprised me with how they were after I had our children. I've since learnt (that was nearly 20 years ago now) that it was all very much within character.

1mabon · 04/10/2023 16:59

...but it is about the presents, isn't it, otherwise why would you be gripping?

whatnot929 · 04/10/2023 17:46

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 15:57

Oh well, I guess you got your lack of manners from your family. Makes sense. Can't really blame you if you were never taught how to behave properly!

Show me where I said I don't take gifts myself when visiting a newborn baby?

You won't be able to, because I do. Not through expectation or through any sense of etiquette but because I want to.

Once more because repetition seems to be necessary, it's the expectation of gifts that I'm objecting to.

Are you always this hard work?

You;re the hard work! You may take gifts because you want to, but if you have any manners you would take them even if you didn't want to.

Would you ever go to dinner at someones house without bringing wine/a hostess gift?
Would you ever go to a family Xmas without gifts for the family?
Would you ever go to a wedding without a gift?

You would either go with a gift, or not go. Or you have no manners and no concept of etiquette.
And you also expect people to bring gifts if you are the host, or the parent, or the bride. You're a total liar if you say otherwise.

NomadicFinnMoose · 04/10/2023 18:46

The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually.

They'd probably heard about all the mumsnet threads berating inlaws whatever they do. If they ask about the pregnancy 'it's my body, not to share', if they visit there's always something wrong, if they buy something it's tat or 'they didn't even ask if I wanted whatever' etc.etc.

In 30 years there's going to be a lot of grumpy grandma's because they sons partners are behaving in just the same way.

SirChenjins · 04/10/2023 19:05

I really doubt that.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 04/10/2023 23:13

And you also expect people to bring gifts if you are the host, or the parent, or the bride. You're a total liar if you say otherwise.

You're wrong actually. When DH and I got married, although some people gave us gifts which was really nice of them, we’d actually asked them not to get presents as most of them had travelled a long way and booked hotels for the wedding. We didn’t feel they should incur further expense just so we could snag some more wine glasses.

You seem very defensive about this topic, for some reason.

SamW98 · 04/10/2023 23:49

And you also expect people to bring gifts if you are the host, or the parent, or the bride. You're a total liar if you say otherwise.

I am 100% NOT a liar and I never expect anyone to bring me a gift.

If I’m hosting friends, all I would expect then to bring us their own drinks - I would feel really embarrassed if someone turned up with a gift.

My DS is an adult now so I don’t remember who bought gifts when they came to visit but absolutely there was never any expectation. I was just happy people took time to visit, no way would I judge anyone by if they bought a gift or not. I prefer to buy my own stuff. I really don’t want other people buying things for be that might not be to my taste.

Mswest · 04/10/2023 23:58

You had a baby last week. Assume you are being unreasonable about everything! You have More important things to be thinking about just now.

Lavender14 · 05/10/2023 00:03

People will tell you, you sound grabby op but it is customary to bring something and I'd never go empty handed. My in laws didn't bring gifts when they came round the night we got home from the hospital but they were only dropping in dinner for us and letting us settle in, then they came round properly when I was ready for visitors and they brought presents then. It's not the present itself that matters its the thought and of course you want your baby's grandparents to be just as invested in them as in your first.

whereisthecheese · 05/10/2023 00:54

Neither of our parents bought gifts, absolutely wouldn't occur to me that they would. They're family, they'll help and support in other ways. I think you're reading too much into this.

Imisssleep2 · 05/10/2023 07:07

Gifts aren't compulsory no matter what the person's relationship with the baby. What is with everyone being so entitled nowadays!

I certainly wouldn't buy for the other child either if I was buying for a new baby of a friend

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 05/10/2023 07:23

Tribevibes · 26/09/2023 14:12

@HundredMilesAnHour

OP meant they didn’t bring a gift when the first baby was born. Can people not read.

Anyway OP you’ll get everyone on here saying you’re grabby etc but honestly you’re not. It’s the thought that counts and I doubt you’re sitting there demanding luxurious presents for your baby.

Still a 69p card wouldn’t have gone amiss and some thought involved but never mind I guess you won’t need to return the favour on anything for them in the future😜.

I would never pop round to see a new baby without a card and a little gift. Super embarrassing.

Actually, the way I read the comment about them not bringing a present for the 3 year old was also in the context of “not only didn’t they buy our newborn a present but, unlike a lot of other visitors, they also didn’t bring anything for the older child”; a lot of people now think you have to give presents to older siblings when there is a new baby or they’ll resent their new sibling even more because the baby got lots of presents and they got nothing!!

TB4 · 06/05/2025 13:45

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