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Original poster

Why should I let this man stay with me for 3 months?

166 replies

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:08

Oh the title should say “Why SHOULDN’T I let this man stay with me”!

Please drum some sense into me and tell me why I shouldn’t let him live with me for three months!

We have been dating for four months. He is warm and kind. He was made redundant, it’s very expensive to live here and there is a job that he can take any time in another country but it’s a big step down. He’s said if we try living together for three months he’ll do anything to make it work. I was obviously against it as it isn’t sensible at all, but he’s given examples of how nice it would be, how he would give me space etc. and it’s really made me consider it.

Please tell me why this isn’t a movie and it’s better to make myself sad by letting him leave!

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 25/09/2023 10:11

You don't know him.
Hes got no income
It's FAR too soon.

4 months?? Not a chance . What happens after 3 months if he hasn't got ajob or somewhere else to live?

Thesheerrelief · 25/09/2023 10:13

No, no, no, no, no. MUCH too soon and you don't know him well enough to want to live with him. This is driven by circumstances, not natural progression in your relationship.

Mistandmellowfruitfullness · 25/09/2023 10:14

You've known him for 4 months - far too early inyour relationship to move in. Is he actively job hunting in your area? Sounds like a cocklodger in waiting.

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Tadpolle · 25/09/2023 10:14

Cocklodger alert!

Massive No

Maplestars · 25/09/2023 10:15

Because you’ll struggle to get him out
because you hardly know him - even more important if you have children
Because you want to be in a relationship with someone who loves you. Not someone who is ‘doing anything’ to make it work, not for you but because they need your house.
because you’re not his mum, he has no income, you’re going to pay all his rent and bills and shopping?
because you need convincing so you’re obviously not keen, and are just doing it because you’re being pushed and feel guilty

Original poster
Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:15

Bemyclementine · 25/09/2023 10:11

You don't know him.
Hes got no income
It's FAR too soon.

4 months?? Not a chance . What happens after 3 months if he hasn't got ajob or somewhere else to live?

He does have income but it’s not a steady job (mainly deliveries). If it’s not working during or after the three months he will take the job in another country as the company is owned by a friend.

Exactly, I feel it’s far too soon. But he’s different to other people I’ve dated and I can’t help thinking we could have a future together 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Furryrug · 25/09/2023 10:16

Omg , don't do it. A man with any decency wouldn't even suggest this .

BoohooWoohoo · 25/09/2023 10:16

How will you make him leave if he's still unemployed after 3 months ? How will you make him leave for other reasons before the time is up ? If you are the type who couldn't say no because you feel sorry for him then you should avoid this setup for your own protection. If he's a wrong 'un then this will be a convenient way to get his feet under the table.

35965a · 25/09/2023 10:17

Too risky. 4 months is nothing, you don’t truly know him.

Bananalanacake · 25/09/2023 10:17

You can have a relationship without living together you know, if he's a decent guy he will respect your boundaries when you tell him it's too soon and you need your space.
I never let a DP move in at all, I only live with my DH as we had DC and he needs to look after them too, I am happy I stood my ground and all previous Bfs appreciated that,, or they didn't like my pet rats.

RosiePosiePuddin2 · 25/09/2023 10:18

The fact he is even putting you in this position after just 4 months says everything you need to know about him.

Original poster
Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:18

He would either pay rent or all my bills so he wouldn’t be living here for free. But I’ve told him I want it to be for the right reasons not financial ones.

How do I deal with the regret of shipping him off and wondering what could have been?

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 25/09/2023 10:18

Don't do it. He survived befire you, he will survive after you, you do not have to solve all his problems.for him.

He didn't care about having an a stable, reliable job before so what makes you think he will once your buying and cooking all the food.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/09/2023 10:18

No way! He’s basically taking the piss, chancing his arm and knows you like him a lot.

A delivery job is nothing and words are cheap.

Basically he’s using you as a stop gap and buggering off home if life with you doesn’t work out.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/09/2023 10:18

No way! He’s basically taking the piss, chancing his arm and knows you like him a lot.

A delivery job is nothing and words are cheap.

Basically he’s using you as a stop gap and buggering off home if life with you doesn’t work out.

RosiePosiePuddin2 · 25/09/2023 10:19

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:18

He would either pay rent or all my bills so he wouldn’t be living here for free. But I’ve told him I want it to be for the right reasons not financial ones.

How do I deal with the regret of shipping him off and wondering what could have been?

Why is he making it out to be one of the other?

You either let him move in or the relationship ends??

GyozaGirl · 25/09/2023 10:19

Don’t be ridiculous, honestly when I read posts like this I understand why some women end up in shitty relationships. I would have laughed in his face.

Sleepo · 25/09/2023 10:20

He’s trying to strongarm you into doing something you don’t want to do. That in itself is a reason to say no.

Baaaaaa · 25/09/2023 10:21

It is a risk but you don't sound ready to break up with him. Iron ground rules and be prepared to sever ties and change the locks?

PaminaMozart · 25/09/2023 10:22

How do I deal with the regret of shipping him off and wondering what could have been?

Reading Women Who Love Too Much would be good start. I'm serious, it's a classic for a reason and it will answer your doubts.

Original poster
Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:22

RosiePosiePuddin2 · 25/09/2023 10:19

Why is he making it out to be one of the other?

You either let him move in or the relationship ends??

Show quote history

Because he can’t afford to live here on the local pay and there is a job waiting in Scotland. It’s a very expensive area here but I’ve said there must be another option because it’s so dramatic and this isn’t a fairytale

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 25/09/2023 10:23

Do not do this.

AdoraBell · 25/09/2023 10:23

What BemyClementine said, plus it doesn’t feel right for you. End of.

Duckingella · 25/09/2023 10:23

So if you won't let him move in he'll move to another county and your relationship will end?;seems more like a veiled threat to me.

Do you have children?;if you do it should be definitely be a no.

RosiePosiePuddin2 · 25/09/2023 10:23

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:22

Because he can’t afford to live here on the local pay and there is a job waiting in Scotland. It’s a very expensive area here but I’ve said there must be another option because it’s so dramatic and this isn’t a fairytale

Show quote history

Then do long distance till he sorts himself out.

Absolutely do not let him move in.

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