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Original poster

Why should I let this man stay with me for 3 months?

166 replies

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:08

Oh the title should say “Why SHOULDN’T I let this man stay with me”!

Please drum some sense into me and tell me why I shouldn’t let him live with me for three months!

We have been dating for four months. He is warm and kind. He was made redundant, it’s very expensive to live here and there is a job that he can take any time in another country but it’s a big step down. He’s said if we try living together for three months he’ll do anything to make it work. I was obviously against it as it isn’t sensible at all, but he’s given examples of how nice it would be, how he would give me space etc. and it’s really made me consider it.

Please tell me why this isn’t a movie and it’s better to make myself sad by letting him leave!

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 25/09/2023 16:31

CurlewKate · 25/09/2023 16:25

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist I'm assuming both the OP and the man concerned have had previous lives and relationships?

Fair enough, although tbh I'd be shocked if someone would consider doing something this spectacularly idiotic if they had young children in their home to consider.

CurlewKate · 25/09/2023 16:33

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist So would I. But the OP's unwillingness to say does make me suspicious.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 25/09/2023 16:35

Fair point.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
SoLongAndThanksForAllTheVaricoseVeins · 25/09/2023 16:44

CurlewKate · 25/09/2023 16:33

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist So would I. But the OP's unwillingness to say does make me suspicious.

She has confirmed earlier that she is single and has no children. No mention of his status, though.

flexigirl · 25/09/2023 17:02

I think he's being a sneaky fucker , it won't be 4 months op, it will be permanent and once he's got somewhere free to live, there will be no pressure on him to sort a job out. He's not your responsibility so don't feel bad about not letting him move in

clpsmum · 25/09/2023 17:04

Grow up

clpsmum · 25/09/2023 17:05

Sorry posted in wrong place, not meant for you 🤦‍♀️

Starseeking · 25/09/2023 17:07

Because it won't ever be just for 3 months.

If you fall for this, there'll be sob story after sob story, the job will probably never materialise, and you'll end up with a man who never leaves your sofa watching Sky Sports and playing Xbox, and you'll be the one paying for it all.

Don't be a mug.

Marshall564 · 25/09/2023 17:07

His whole story stinks - fishier than a fishmonger's apron as blackadder would say. What do you really know about this man, I mean really know about him? Have you met any of his friends, family, colleagues? He's playing you for a fool and you're too desperate to see it. He has a friend in the north of Scotland who runs a business? Really? How does he know this friend? What kind of business is it?

Any man who presents you with an ultimatum like "let me move in or we're finished" is a man you should be running away from not towards. You've known him 4 months! You don't really know him at all do you?

Marshall564 · 25/09/2023 17:11

Cockmigrant · 25/09/2023 11:59

We have been dating for four months. He is warm and kind. He was made redundant, it’s very expensive to live here and there is a job that he can take any time in another country but it’s a big step down. He’s said if we try living together for three months he’ll do anything to make it work. I was obviously against it as it isn’t sensible at all, but he’s given examples of how nice it would be, how he would give me space etc. and it’s really made me consider it

This is classic hobosexual behaviour. I've posted about this many times on here.
A hobosexual is someone who either very rapidly falls in love with a new partner or escalates a current relationship with a fairly new partner because they have encountered some kind of "accommodation emergency" - this could be because the landlord is kicking them out/they can't afford the rent/they've been crashing at a friend's and friend has got pissed off with them/parents have had enough of them etc. In other words they need somewhere to live. This is often associated with an "employment emergency" where they have sadly lost their job/not had their contract renewed/been bullied by a manager and had to quit and it's always through no fault of their own of course.

When this happens they look around for some mug someone who might be able to accommodate them (without them having to pay their way properly). This is usually a partner. They make all the right noises, love bomb a bit, pile on the emotional pressure and so on and so forth. They also make the right noises about paying their way and it's only going to be for 3 months etc.

The hobosexual then moves in with the partner. This is when they develop into a cocklodger. The person they choose to move in with is always financially stable - it's often a woman with her own property and a good job. Once established in the home they again make all the right noises about looking for work but don't make much effort really - what's the point? They are having all their needs met, have a roof over their heads etc.

Nah, OP, send him off to Scotland otherwise you'll have him leeching off you for ever. Once they get their feet under the table it's difficult to get them out because they'll have convenient mental health crises as soon as you start suggesting they make more of an effort to get a job and contribute.

This post is worth repeating ^ Take note.

00100001 · 25/09/2023 18:01

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 10:22

Because he can’t afford to live here on the local pay and there is a job waiting in Scotland. It’s a very expensive area here but I’ve said there must be another option because it’s so dramatic and this isn’t a fairytale

Show quote history

Repeat after me.

NOT.
MY.
PROBLEM.

00100001 · 25/09/2023 18:03

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 25/09/2023 15:42

After 4 months?!?

Do you think the OP is a rabbit or something?

Show quote history

Well presumably she means children from a previous relationship.

00100001 · 25/09/2023 18:04

Sezza57325 · 25/09/2023 13:13

Perhaps you’re right, but I just don’t want a LDR. I never have. For me the joy of a relationship is spending lots of time together, doing the little daily life things. I’m just not much of a traveller and a relationship where I spend most of my time missing someone isn’t appealing to me.
In this situation he would be the one leaving and I have more responsibilities so I would expect him to be the one travelling to me (perhaps that’s unreasonable and maybe why I shouldn’t enter into a LDR anyway)

Show quote history

So find another guy who isn't emotionally blackmailing you into having him live with you.

Moogoopixie · 25/09/2023 18:07

Absolutely don't do it you'll end up paying for everything and you'll be miserable he sounds like he seeks out women who will let them move in get his feet in the door and get everything he possibly can

StopStartStop · 25/09/2023 18:16

I hope you've decided to see the back of him, OP. It would actually be worth buying him a ticket to Scotland.

I suspect him of cynically targeting you from the start as someone who will be available to give him accommodation, provide for all his financial and sexual needs, and possibly help him gain residential status. At which point you'll be keeping this cocklodger for the rest of your life. I might be wrong of course, but just in case, wave him a firm goodbye.

Missedmytoe · 25/09/2023 23:01

Having read the updates, I've changed my opinion to NO WAY.

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