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Help my adult son is missing

297 replies

Aliceinunderland · 23/09/2023 21:47

My son is 23 and he has been missing since 11th September. I reported him missing the same day as it was out of character for him to miss work. He walked out of the house with nothing other than his bank card. His phone hasn't been turned on since the night he left.
So far I have:
Contacted all of his friends and contacts
Done a social media campaign
Battled with the police and filed two official complaints due to failures to investigate
Worked with missing people uk to do a media campaign
Handed out posters in the area that we have had one sighting. Unfortunately this is not our local area so it is difficult to go every day.

What else can I do? I've emailed and called every service I can find to share his photograph. Is there anything else anyone can suggest? I'm beyond devastated and will try anything at this point. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
OvergrownTeen · 23/09/2023 23:30

If he’s asked for his deposit back do you think he has checked his bank to see if that has been returned? How is he surviving? Are there any signs of him being groomed or exploited if he’s vulnerable?

KissyMissy · 23/09/2023 23:33

TaigaSno · 23/09/2023 22:38

How definite is the Luton sighting? If it was a likely sighting, would he have traveled by train? You could try posters up on the trains, stations along the way, speak to station staff - perhaps Luton train station staff could check their cctv.
I think a key thing here is to get the police to class him as a vulnerable missing person rather than a person missing of his own free will and your son's doctor may be your best chance at that.

Yes he needs to be classed as vulnerable, gather any medical history of his (if you haven't already) and forward to police.
Really hope he's ok x

Batalax · 23/09/2023 23:34

Good luck finding him op.

Its5656 · 23/09/2023 23:35

How awful for you, I hope you find him soon x

Sixdaysleft · 23/09/2023 23:38

I'm so sorry. It must be awful for you not knowing where he is or whether he is safe. I hope you have some news soon.

My son is also 23 and also suffers mental health issues. There is vey little help available.

Motnight · 23/09/2023 23:40

Oh Op this is awful. Hoping that you get some good news soon.

Reetnice · 23/09/2023 23:41

Can the estate agents not call back the number that called them, to get a detailed location of where he was when he asked to borrow the passer-by’s phone? Or at least pass on the number to you?

I think you need to hound the police to check his card activity again. I’m sure you probably are though! Perhaps a trip to Luton town centre? Ask around the local homeless? Or any homeless charities there that support them, they might have seen him or come into contact with him to provide him with sleeping bags/resources now that the weather is getting colder? Even food banks/pantries that offer hot food to local homeless people, they might have come into contact with him? As he needs to get food somehow, and if he hasn’t checked his bank again then he’s probably accessing it via soup kitchens or begging (which would be in very public/busy areas) xx

Channellingsophistication · 23/09/2023 23:42

what an absolute living nightmare for you.

could he be trying to travel north to his dad?

Does he have xbox if so any messages on there of who he’d been gaming with?

sending strength & hope found soon

DisquietintheRanks · 23/09/2023 23:42

SmellsLikeTeenSpirits · 23/09/2023 22:51

A private investigator? They’re often ex-police so could work on last known movements, chasing up leads, reviewing available data (phone, financial, ring cams and other cctv etc) and build up a picture?

I’m so sorry you are going through this x

A word about using private Investigators. Firstly they are hugely expensive , so you will be looking at thousands. Secondly its hard to find one with initiative. They largely work for insurance companies and will follow up existing leads but are not good at generating any of their own. They are over reliant on wanting to use things like Internet sear he's to find people - useless for anyone living rough who isn't voting, paying council tax etc.

I wanted confirmation (or not) that person X lived in a particular house. They wouldn't even knock on the door and ask. Just wanted to charge me for sitting outside with a camera and photographing anyone who went in or out. Worked out at about £800 per half day.

Findingmypurposeinlife · 23/09/2023 23:50

Could you pay for an an 'ad' in a paper where he was last seen - but as a missing person ad?
Please be careful if he is vulnerable and you are topping up his bank account. He may get taken advantage of, particularly if he stands out as being vulnerable (which most people would be, if they were in a location they were not used to) I know you want him to be safe, but if he has already reached out to get his deposit back, he may also reach out to you for help if he gets desperate. (I speak from experience of dealing with a missing vulnerable person)
Also, visit the last place he was seen. Book a hotel there and have a walk around (if you haven't already) Walk around late at night if possible (with somebody with you) too as there will be less people around and it might be easier to see him if he is there.
Hoping he returns home safe and well 🙏

Onceacheetah · 23/09/2023 23:53

Any connections to Ireland? Lots of flights from Luton and you don't need a passport.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 24/09/2023 00:01

Praying for the safe return of your beautiful son.x

GoingDownLikeBHS · 24/09/2023 00:05

OllieCollieWoo · 23/09/2023 22:27

Contact the charities who assist homeless people e.g. provide meals, showers, laundry facilities etc.

There's a great homeless charity in Luton called NOAH Enterprise - if he's looked for help in Luton he would have been there:

https://noahenterprise.org/what-we-do/need-help/

They're open tomorrow you can ring, although the office staff probably won't be back till Monday. HTH

Do you need help - NOAH Enterprise

In need of help? Are you, a friend, a neighbour or a relative experiencing homelessness, extreme hardship or exclusion? NOAH Enterprise offers a range of services which can be accessed...

https://noahenterprise.org/what-we-do/need-help/

GoingDownLikeBHS · 24/09/2023 00:09

Also, you say you're in Kent - does the Thameslink line go through your station? The one that then goes on to Luton? Maybe he just got on a train and then thought "this'll do" and got off at Luton.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 24/09/2023 00:17

Does his Dad not know he's missing?

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 24/09/2023 00:17

Any drugs history? Any parcels delivered for him recently? Different phone perhaps

caringcarer · 24/09/2023 00:19

Praying you find your son soon safe and well OP.

Mountaineer0009 · 24/09/2023 00:25

Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 23/09/2023 23:07

What does this mean?
Is it he might be involved in a terrorist or vigilante group?

i believe Prevent Duty = intervene early to support people susceptible to radicalisation.

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2023 00:26

Try www.missingpeople.org.uk op - they're really good and will give you support and advice at such an awful time. Good luck

GrandTheftWalrus · 24/09/2023 00:30

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2023 00:26

Try www.missingpeople.org.uk op - they're really good and will give you support and advice at such an awful time. Good luck

He's already on there.

AutumnSalad · 24/09/2023 00:58

I had a relative go missing in very similar circumstances, and thankfully is back and all is well. He also left with just a bank card, which honestly should put him in the high risk category with the police. Did he leave without his phone, no clothes etc? I would contact the missing persons unit, someone you haven't spoken to, or dealt with, email, write and phone and with back up from your GP or even contact MIND and see if they can help support you further. They might not want to 'tread' on the toes of the police you've already dealt with, but badger them and stress his vulnerability. If you've dealt with local police, try contacting the police in Luton.

If I were you I'd really want them to check his bank activity again - highlight his vulnerability.

Also think, why would he be missing, why has he not taken out any money? Or do you know? My relative had money troubles.

CherryCone · 24/09/2023 01:06

My heart goes out to you OP. I'm sorry that sounds so trite in the circumstances.

To respond to something you said earlier, yes I do think you need to tell his father about the current situation. It's been 13 days, it's important he knows. Even if he's definitely had no contact with your son for ages (and it's possible they may have, without your knowledge?), it's another person in a different area who may be able to canvass and raise support for looking. Even if his father does nothing, he deserves to know.

Dairywairy · 24/09/2023 01:20

A few things that spring to mind:

If he is usually on his phone at home then is he connected to your wifi? If so then you may be able to contact your ISP for details of web search history, downloaded info etc on his phone via your internet. Not sure how tricky this can be but the data is there in the ether somewhere if he has been on the wifi. Obviously it won’t pick up anything that he searched while connected to 4G or other wifi but it may be a start.

have you tried guessing his passwords for email addresses etc? If he has booked anything then confirmations would need to be sent to an email address.

Have you mapped out the train route between your location and Luton and thought about where Luton may be en route to?

Is the bank able to tell you which ATMs have been accessed ie where? Do these line up with the Luton sighting? Do they imply he is still in Luton or that he stopped in Luton en route to somewhere else?

Thinking more about possible motivations for leaving. You said he was due to move out next week. Why was he moving? Has he lived on his own before/not at home? Was he due to live alone or with a friend? Had he already passed the referencing checks?

i agree with pp that you need to speak to his dad. He could even possibly be involved? Or have some relevant info? They may have been in contact and you not know about it. Could have been a trigger?

Work. How did he get the job he currently has? Sometimes people at work know more about someone’s lifestyle than their other friends. Have you spoken to people he hung out with at work, after work? Could there have been anyone he owed money to? The deposit was presumably a big sum of money so if he had that then he wouldn’t have needed to access his bank so soon after if he was just wandering around Luton. He may have used the deposit money to a) book a flight, from Luton, although it’s very difficult (not impossible) to get on a plane without a passport or b) pay off a debt. If it turns out to be the latter then what could the debt be for? Any involvement in drugs or anything else? Gambling, even online? Did he have a credit card? People with ADHD can be more vulnerable to addiction issues.

Im assuming you’ve scoured his room etc. Have you found anything unusual or unexpected? Was it more or less clean than usual? Did you go through any rubbish from the time he left, find any receipts, any trace of him having been doing anything out of the ordinary?

Finally (don’t answer on here if it needs to be kept private) but could the incident about the petrol be at all relevant? Do you know who did it or suspect who did it? Did your son know them? Did he know about what happened? If not, could he have found out about the incident and it triggered something? Sorry for all the questions they’re mainly just prompts of things to think about rather than stuff you have to answer on here! Wishing you all the very best.

nunsflipflop · 24/09/2023 01:24

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I have shared the information from your Facebook page to mine. I’m so sorry that’s all I can do to help you. I hope he is found safe and well very soon.