Help my adult son is missing

[Aliceinunderland]

My son is 23 and he has been missing since 11th September. I reported him missing the same day as it was out of character for him to miss work. He walked out of the house with nothing other than his bank card. His phone hasn't been turned on since the night he left.
So far I have:
Contacted all of his friends and contacts
Done a social media campaign
Battled with the police and filed two official complaints due to failures to investigate
Worked with missing people uk to do a media campaign
Handed out posters in the area that we have had one sighting. Unfortunately this is not our local area so it is difficult to go every day.

What else can I do? I've emailed and called every service I can find to share his photograph. Is there anything else anyone can suggest? I'm beyond devastated and will try anything at this point. Thank you for reading.

I’m so glad he’s safe and been found. I’m sorry he doesn’t want to be in touch - take care of yourself, you sound like such a lovely Mum xxx

thanks for the update @Aliceinunderland

please do take the advice of the lovely posters here and get some counselling for yourself. It’s going to be a roller coaster of emotion now - relief that he’s alive and well, confusion, worry and self blame that he doesn’t want to get in touch yet. and then raging anger for what he has put you all through.

please reach out for support - this won’t get better overnight and it’s a hard path to walk .

You're not a failure, OP. You're a loving mam. He knows that.
He is safe. That's what matters right now. One step at a time. Sending lots of love.

I’m glad he is safe. Hopefully in time he will reach out to you OP. Please don’t feel like a failure, it’s possible he doesn’t want to be around you because he simply doesn’t want you to be upset that he’s struggling right now. Maybe he feels he needs so time away to sort his head out? I’m sure he knows you love him and that you will always be there for him.

Fabulous update. It may not be you he's avoiding, but life locally.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this very difficult time 💐💐

This. Best of luck, Op.

❤️

He doesn't want to stay away from you because you're a bad mum.

He wants to stay away from you because of his mental health.

It's fantastic news that he's been found safe, OP.

He knows that you love him and in time will come back to you.

I have been following and I am so relieved for you. I can imagine how hurt you must be.But he is alive. Taking time out. I hope he will come back soon op, but for now sleep and eat, recover from this terribly upset.

So glad to hear he is OK. I have a much younger kid with mh issues and it's hard not to blame yourself.

But at 23, there's all sorts of reasons for him not to come home that do not involve mistakes by you. I admire how you kept trying to find him while in the depths of fear and despair. Find a way to treat yourself now, you deserve it.

I'm so happy for you OP. I wonder if he was involved in criminal exploitation/county lines.

My brother was targeted and the local Community PCSO used to check on him regularly. Is there a PCSO who can talk to your son?

Thank you for the update and so glad it's a positive one, he is still here and everything else is bearable x

I have 2 sons of a similar age to you Op...what you have been through is my worst nightmare...I am so glad he is safe and am sure he will come back to you soon x

Have choked up reading your update op. So glad he is safe. He is probably feeling rubbish he has had you so worried.. Once it sinks in its because you love him I am sure you will hear from him. Adult dc stress us just as much as small ones ime.

I am so happy to read that he was found safe!
Hopefully you can talk to him soon. But at least you know he is safe.

Be kind to yourself. You have had some very difficult days.

@Aliceinunderland So happy your son has been found safe and well.
Hopefully he will feel able to contact you soon. Best wishes to you both xx

I am so glad your Son has been found. He knows you love him and i hope he finds his way home soon, leave the light on for him x

I've been following your thread and I am so happy for you that he has been found safe and well.

If it is of any comfort whatsoever, I've struggled with my mental health since my early teens. The last people I will ever turn to when I'm struggling are my family, I try to put on a brave face, smile and laugh it off, even if I feel like I am dying inside. I've tried to change this for many years and I just can't. It's not their issue, I'm sure they'd want to know and help, it's my issue in that I can't face them. I now have a child of my own and I completely understand why you'd want to be there for him, I know I'd feel the same about mine, but sometimes, people just can't face their families if it makes sense? It's not that they don't love them or appreciate the support they know they'd get. It is possible he may be like me in that way. It's clear you love him dearly and he will know that, and appreciate the love, support and bravery of going to the police and that you care. That's what matters. He will come to you when he can. Sending you love

He's safe. He can come home when he feels able. As awful as that feels it's much better than the alternative.

Thank you all for your kind and wise words. I have sat her crying reading each and every post. It truly means a lot to me and helps me to feel less alone.

I wasn't always a great mum. He is my first born son who nearly died at birth and I was only 18 when I fell pregnant with him. I wasn't mature enough to look after a little person and he had to grow up with me. I tried hard to give him a stable life but as others may have discovered looking at my posting history, I was sexually assaulted when he was nearly 2. I have suffered with depression and anxiety ever since which meant, if I am brutally honest with myself, I wasn't always the mum he deserved. It's strange that a couple of months ago we were sitting having that exact conversation where I apologised to him for not always being the mum he needed. I remember his exact words in response that it was always me and him together and that we have a bond that can't be broken.

It's been helpful to reframe my thinking about his refusal for contact with me. Thank you to those who have helped me see things from his point of view. I would move heaven and earth to help and support him but maybe he needs this time to figure things out by himself.

I keep thinking bizarre things like how do I send him a birthday gift? What if our landlord sells up and we have to move...how would he find us? How do we get in touch if something happens in the family? I know this isn't helpful so I will look into counselling. I think I could access this through work luckily.

Thank you all again. I am more determined than ever to campaign for improvements to be made by the police and services for missing people so no other family experiences the treatment we received. Thank you all again and give your loved ones an extra big hug tonight x

Coming in late here as I never noticed this thread before. What a terrible week it's been for you @Aliceinunderland But I am so glad your lovely son has been found safe and well. No idea why he doesn't want to come home, but I am sure he will sort himself out, and it's nothing you have done.

Bless you. Take care of yourself sweetheart. ❤

Alice You have been incredible in your search for your son, and thanks to your efforts and being relentless in raising awareness he has been found.

Look after yourself for now and rest up as best you can. In time, things will sort out between you all. All good wishes to you.

Oh I'm so happy he has been found