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Original poster

Help my adult son is missing

297 replies

Aliceinunderland · 23/09/2023 21:47

My son is 23 and he has been missing since 11th September. I reported him missing the same day as it was out of character for him to miss work. He walked out of the house with nothing other than his bank card. His phone hasn't been turned on since the night he left.
So far I have:
Contacted all of his friends and contacts
Done a social media campaign
Battled with the police and filed two official complaints due to failures to investigate
Worked with missing people uk to do a media campaign
Handed out posters in the area that we have had one sighting. Unfortunately this is not our local area so it is difficult to go every day.

What else can I do? I've emailed and called every service I can find to share his photograph. Is there anything else anyone can suggest? I'm beyond devastated and will try anything at this point. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 28/09/2023 22:38

So pleased you have updated that your lovely son has been found and he is safe and well. Hopefully he will be in contact soon even if he doesn't feel able to come home yet.

You have been so brave and persistent, never giving up in your efforts to find Caiden (I wonder if the police would have found him if you hadn't kept on at them). Despite your worries he has also kept himself safe for over two weeks.

Although you are still (understandably) worried, a couple of days ago this would have seemed like the best news. I hope you can get some support for yourself now.

OstrichInPink · 28/09/2023 22:46

I will also add, I would have bumped the heck out of this thread had I seen it earlier. Mumsnet, can you pin threads like these? (Reporting my post so MNHQ see this).

Oioicaptain · 28/09/2023 23:13

I really feel for you OP. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I have a sister who has periodically gone missing/quiet for months/years at a time. Then 13 years ago she cut me out of her life for reasons unknown. Last year she was found collapsed by neighbours and taken to hospital. She is severely ill with end stage liver failure as a result of alcohol dependency. She immediately cut my mum and step dad out of her life. She lives in total isolation and is not in contact with any friends or family at all. She has recently put her house on the market, which I discovered on Rightmove. If she moves we will have no idea where she is. We all worry about her so much. We don't know how she is. We're unable to send her cards/b day/Xmas presents. Those are the hardest times. We don't know how long she has got or if we will ever see her again. She is clearly struggling with her mental health and I very much suspect that she is ashamed but also petrified of being judged and equally doesn't want to be exposed to the stress of my mother feeling stressed about her. She is very vulnerable and can only focus on herself right now. It may well be the same for your son. If he's struggling and his self esteem is low he may not feel that he can cope with other people's emotions and family are always emotional because of the love that they have for each other. He may be trying to protect you, or protect himself or both. I really hope that he gets the care that he so clearly needs. The police did a welfare check, but are they able to refer him on to support networks or involve social services? Could you get them to give him the number of 'Missing' so that he can contact you/pass a message on via someone else if needs be. He might find that more reassuring in time. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Sixdaysleft · 28/09/2023 23:17

Bumped, because it needs to be kept at the top

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 28/09/2023 23:39

I live not far from Luton and my partner and his work mates work on the streets in the following towns and are constantly driving between luton, milton keynes , leighton Buzzard st albans and aylesbury and all surrounding areas in between will send hin the picture and get him to post to their work group to keep an eye. It's not much but you never know. I hope he is found <3

DeeCee77 · 29/09/2023 01:31

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 28/09/2023 23:39

I live not far from Luton and my partner and his work mates work on the streets in the following towns and are constantly driving between luton, milton keynes , leighton Buzzard st albans and aylesbury and all surrounding areas in between will send hin the picture and get him to post to their work group to keep an eye. It's not much but you never know. I hope he is found <3

See OP's update, he has been found and the police have passed on OP's message to him.

OP the love you have for him is clear as day in your posts. Maybe just needs some time on his own to process what's going on inside his head. Many of us do. And in my experience this need for isolation has nothing to do with those closest to us. To do this some people just go for walks, in your son's case it's to go off on his own for a while. So pleased you got to relay your message to him and also that he's not in any trouble. Hopefully he gets back to you soon.

ALongHardWinter · 29/09/2023 01:55

So happy to hear this OP.

AliceOlive · 29/09/2023 02:33

I’m so happy he was found. I know it’s so difficult and scary but the important thing right now is that he is alive and safe. 💕

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/09/2023 04:11

I’m so pleased your ds is safe and well. Please don’t think that this is about you and what you have and haven’t done. It sounds as if your ds needs some space to sort his head out. For him. He must know how much you love him.

itsamedicalmystery · 29/09/2023 08:01

So pleased he has been located. I have a niece who regularly goes missing. There is no reason for it, but as she is younger than your son they make her come home. It's a pattern I expect will continue into adulthood, but by then they won't be able to force her home. There is a lack of support networks out there for parents and families, who are often left feeling helpless. Please know that you are not to blame. Can anyone of us say we are the BEST parent? Probably not. Sending virtual hugs.

Munchyseeds2 · 29/09/2023 12:31

So glad he has been found and that you know he is OK
I hope he feels able to be in touch soon

OddlyFramed · 29/09/2023 12:37

So happy he’s been found!
Your open and honest conversation you had with him before he went missing will help with future contact. Also knowing how hard you looked to try and find him when he is ready to deal with things will also help.
If he’s still accessing his bank and you want to, you can keep sending money with tiny messages. You can put your new address there if you do move. But if you move he knows it’s easy to find you via Facebook etc these days if he wants to look you up

CherryCone · 29/09/2023 14:55

Oh that is such good news and a relief he's safe and well, OP.

Obviously worrying that you don't know where he is, what a strain for you. The suggestion to have counselling is excellent.

I wondered, did you get in touch with his Dad in the end? Is there a possibility that's where he is or his Dad knows something? I know your son doesn't want to be found and that has to be respected, but knowing that someone else might be in touch with him and know he's OK may give you a bit of peace?

HowDoesThisWorkPlease · 29/09/2023 18:50

OP I can't imagine how you are feeling and I hope he contacts you soon

SirVixofVixHall · 29/09/2023 19:27

Oh OP I am very pleased to see that your son has been found, but also feel for you that you can hug him and tell him yourself how loved he is.
Early adulthood can be really hard to navigate, he may be struggling with things he can’t yet process properly.
Most of us look back and see mistakes we made as parents, but also things happen in life outside our control, that affect how well we can parent. Most mothers do their best with whatever they are dealing with at the time. Your son is obviously very loved by you.
I hope he feels ready to be back in contact soon.

Alltheyearround · 29/09/2023 19:36

So happy he's been located and he's safe. You are clearly a brilliant mum. I read your post and am so very sorry you were assaulted when younger. We are all human, and doing the best we can with who we are - and learning all the time.

Hope you can get a little rest now and sending up a prayer that he comes home when he's ready.

Sending you a hug. You deserve many hugs after the massive effort you've gone to to try and make sure he's safe and well. Credit to you.

caringcarer · 29/09/2023 19:44

Have you found him yet OP?

caringcarer · 29/09/2023 19:49

I've just seen your update. Take heart that he is safe and well. Maybe he will feel able to contact you or even come home for Xmas. Can you put some money into his bank account for him reference love Mum.

Newshoesnewname · 29/09/2023 19:50

Apologies that i have only skimmed the thread, but could you project the route forward to the next town / towns he may have reached and also search /poster there?

It might be possible to catch up with his current location if he has kept moving.

Newshoesnewname · 29/09/2023 19:54

Sorry to have posted without reading this update.

Daz57 · 29/09/2023 20:03

Bless you. Being a parent can be the hardest job in the world. I too was a young mum and always feel I could have done better. But it sounds as though there is so much love between you. Hold on to that and I certain he will come back to you xx

Mary46 · 29/09/2023 20:07

Sending best wishes op not an easy time for you x

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